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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit sad about this thing my colleague did?

113 replies

Nabootique · 12/07/2016 13:31

Colleague has just been on holiday and got back to the office today. She gave each member of the team aside from two she doesn't actually speak to (no bad blood, I don't think, they're just very quiet and keep to themselves) a small gift except me. She and I do talk and have had shopping trips at lunch together, etc. I also did her a favour before she went away that she asked me to do (something I have done a couple of times for her before).

I am not entitled. I don't expect a present, obviously, and she is allowed to do as she likes, but it felt like I was left out in a very pointed way. AIBU to be a bit hurt? She does have some form for this sort of behaviour.

OP posts:

randomer · 12/07/2016 14:14

nasty game player

Aeroflotgirl · 12/07/2016 14:17

That's horrid, and mean, happy for you to help, but not enough to get a little something like the rest of the team. When I went abroad, I would just get some local chocolates/biscuits to share in the staff room.

sharknad0 · 12/07/2016 14:23

that's a very weird behaviour, who brings gifts from holidays? If I was her boss, I would tell her off frankly. It's a place of business, not a playground, so either you bring something for everybody or you give gifts to your friends in your own time, you don't blatantly ignore people from your own team.

BagPusscatnip · 12/07/2016 14:28

She sounds like an utter twat. Next time she asks you for something tell her to take a hike.

What's wrong with just bringing a bag of sweets back for the office?!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 12/07/2016 14:32

I'm too nice to do that Donkeys It is a fiddly favour though, and I give up my lunch hour to do it when I do.

Well in that case, Phoebe from "Friends" would say, "I wish I could but I don't want to" !!

MrsJoeyMaynard · 12/07/2016 14:34

That's rather mean of your colleague.

I have had colleagues who've brought in holiday gifts for their best work friends - but it's always been a minority of people getting gifts rather than a minority not getting gifts.

The usual thing though where I've worked seems to be for the holiday person to bring in some edible treat from the holiday (sweets, biscuits etc) and leave them near their desk or in a communal break area for all colleagues to help themselves to.

BeMorePanda · 12/07/2016 14:35

"I wish I could but I don't want to"

KoalaDownUnder · 12/07/2016 14:37

It's callous and socially clueless. How to people get to be adults and not know better?!

ThoraGruntwhistle · 12/07/2016 14:38

I wouldn't ask about it, but would definitely remember if for next time she wants anything out of you.

Curtains81 · 12/07/2016 14:39

Work friendships can be very weird. We work with these people more than we see our other halves sometimes, and that can seem like the basis of a close friendship. You can feel upset if you want, but I'd just be glad that I was the nicer person who wouldn't dream of publicly missing anyone out.

I had similar when I got married, I had to choose 3 out of 6 people to invite to my wedding. The 3 who didn't get invited were upset, but I later discovered that they weren't really friend material anyway. I didn't dish out invites publicly, but was then accosted in the corridor by one of the uninvited guests and told I should not have done it in secret! You can't win.

Other point of view might be, the woman forgot to get enough holiday presents for everyone and was too embarrassed to tell you?

ellie264 · 12/07/2016 14:52

YANBU to feel a bit hurt over this, but I suspect it was simply forgetfulness or carelessness on her part rather than malice, so I would try to just move on from it tbh.

user1468330875 · 12/07/2016 14:57

Honestly grow up. You sound like a child, where's my gift? This is the most pathetic thing that I have heard all day.

user1468330875 · 12/07/2016 14:59

For those who are saying that the OP shouldn't do anything for her colleague when she asks from now on, please try to remember that they have to work together. If this was my business and someone started being difficult just because they didn't get a holiday gift, they would be getting fired.

Dozer · 12/07/2016 15:02

Yanbu for being pissed off about her rude, weird behaviour.

Yabu for using the wet phrase "a bit sad".

ImperialBlether · 12/07/2016 15:12

Ummm, user123etc, do you actually know anything about employment law?

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 12/07/2016 15:19

Maybe she has a bigger better gift to give you later?

That was my inclination too, given the favours and your friendship beyond work. But I'm relentlessly optimistic about people in situations like this...

BagPusscatnip · 12/07/2016 15:21

user1468330875 Thank Christ I don't have to work with/for you then!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 12/07/2016 15:23

I don't think it's weird to get your workmates holiday presents, not if you've worked with them for a while. We used to do it at my old place - keyring, magnets or the like. Not at the current place though. If I did that then they might think I like them.

Very odd to leave one person out though. Unless it is as suggested she got you something different as a friend rather than a colleague... And didn't want to be seem to be singling someone out!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 12/07/2016 15:25

user as long as the OP does her job and is professional she does not have to do any favours for anybody. Good luck at the tribunal when you fire someone for that 😂

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 12/07/2016 15:26

What happened to the last minute airport bag of sweets shared for everyone on the central desk?

That's the best way to celebrate being back from your hols.

She just sounds like a queer herb. Ignore it and rise above.

Original poster

Nabootique · 12/07/2016 15:28

user1468330875 Firstly, the "thing" I do for her is definitely not work related. If I were fired for not doing it I could sue and win without question. Secondly, your post sounds like you didn't read the last paragraph of my OP. I said clearly there it wasn't about the gift, but the pointed exclusion.

Sorry Dozer. Is "miffed" any better? I'm not using anything stronger because I didn't feel very strongly about it.

Thanks everyone else for making me feel better

OP posts:

Original poster

Nabootique · 12/07/2016 15:34

queer herb love it!

Oh, the gift was edible, to the PP who asked what it was as it may have been tat.

OP posts:

WingsToFly · 12/07/2016 15:55

YADNBU

It's just not good work practice.

Edibles to share around is all I've seen. Don't think any excluding is appropriate. Though I understand the hurt, maybe try and get beyond the personal feeling (though justified!)l and assessing how and why this isn't constructive in the workplace.

KoalaDownUnder · 12/07/2016 16:08

I think the 'edible' factor would make me feel worse, in your position!

So it's not like, 'ooh, I'll get colleagues X, y and z some specific thing that they've all mentioned liking, but I'm not sure Nabootique likes them, so I won't get her one'. It's just a generic nice little gift that anyone would have liked. (Every fucker likes eating.)

I hope it's not fudge. I would be even sadder if it was fudge.

Original poster

Nabootique · 12/07/2016 16:09

Ah, I think I'm over it already Wings, but you make a good point. As I say, she does have form for this type of thing, but as team leader it's maybe not the best behaviour to display!

OP posts:

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