"ADHD is naughty boy syndrome"

[highten]

My DD has suspected ADHD. I'm fed up with my mum/dad and my MIL/FIL, describing it as 'naughty boy syndrome'. My DD isn't exactly 'naughty'. Is this type of assumption going to continue throughout her whole life?

Here we go: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/2578603-Talk-to-me-about-adult-ADHD

I'm going to come join you all if there's another thread going. I've shown this to dp who has ok'd me talking about him to lovely strangers on the internet. Got a busy day ahead but I'll be back to have a proper read and more of a chat.

thefit I think that my experience with depression actually helped us identify my dp's adhd and has helped me relate and understand the weird things his brain does in relation to the weird things my brain does. He literally cannot "just try harder to remember and get more organised" in the same way as I cannot " just cheer up". One of the only good things depression has ever given me is the ability to be sympathetic and accepting of people's private struggles.

Whether it's worth getting a dx as an adult depends on how much it impacts your life. have a friend who started taking meds and said that it's like the clouds opened for her. Each day she can sit at a desk and do her work now in a way she couldn't before.

I'm a teacher and frequently score borderline for ADHD. I think that being able to cope with 2 or 3 things at a time and being able to rush from one thing to another is a positive in my work. I also have the same attention span as a teenager so don't tend to go on for too long when kids are bored and switched off. Of course, staff meeting might be easier for me.

"Consistently not concentrating" how a boy on child genius just described his ADHD, a good explanation for a child.

I am terribly disorganised and concentration isn't very good unless it's something I really want to do. I was diagnosed mid thirties whilst studying for PgCE and my dd is currently being assessed for ADHD and Autism.
My dd is exactly the same and we are ever hopeful that she can find a way to reach her potential which she has oodles of as is a bit of a child prodigy so they
CAMHS have been tremendous and moved her up the list recently, it's not easy being dd and we try our best but have similar traits ourselves.
Sometimes it's positive and makes us laugh at our weirdness, other times it can be very dark.
Like many other parents we ask where we have gone wrong, why do we do this? It's nobody's fault it's just the way some people are.
Your supposedly bright child can get 10 and 20% in exams, yet teacher says a natural for the subject and top in class, and exam not an indication of ability ?
I can't give her many strategies apart from stop and think before you say anything or do anything. Yes, the bleedin obvious, if they/we could stop it we would and life wouldn't be a constant battle of bolting the gate after the horse has bolted. Arghhhh that feels better, sorry folks

Showed DH the unofficial test and he guffawed with recognition at the things I do. My diagnosis has helped me enormously-a huge burden of shame lifted. It has helped us too;-things DH took personally he now recognises are anything but.

My mother is another story. She won't talk about it, apparently 'didn't know' I'd been diagnosed with ADHD when I dared to bring it up with her not long afterwards (despite the fact I rang her to tell her) and minimises all my symptoms with 'Well, everyone does that". Despite having been married for umpteen decades to my father, who had all the same traits, which she endlessly complained about.

If it were not for my siblings, who reacted with a kind of 'penny drops' "A-haaaa' when I told them, I would honestly think I was going mad.

(Ive posted this on the other thread by accident, didn't realise we have two now, but reposting it here for more traffic).

On the subject of meds. I've had several people family and friends say we have taken the easy option by medicating hmm and there are loads of other more effectual ways of treating it, followed by one anecdotal example of someone who knows someone who did just that and now, can fully healed hmm.

We tried behaviour therapy, 1 year and hundreds of pounds later and no change we went back on meds. We stopped meds again when he was 9yrs and did more therapy, eventually therapist advises us to put him on meds as therapy can't treat behavioral problem that is to do with hormonal imbalance of the brain (not sure ive said that properly). So back on meds again.

So my question is have any of you treated your dc or yourselves with therapy?. Im talking about where the ADHD was moderate/ severe affecting education; ability concentrate in class, stopped calling out, shouting and talking over everyone?

We did not consider medicating lightly, we spent 2 yrs thinking about it and the possible side effects so its quite hurtful that people think medicating is the easy option.

I'm kind of place marking as I haven't got much time at the moment but
My DD1 was diagnosed at just 14 - again problems concentrating and can be a bit lively but conformed at school. (Difficult at home) I've always understood DD -as she is a lot like me ...
Yep I think I've got it too - and am going for a diagnosis (as someone asked up thread - go to your GP who should refer you, you will have to fill in a questionnaire thing - took me a couple of months - my appt is at the beginning of Aug ) I want drugs to help me when I'm really struggling - I've seen the difference medication made to DD1's school work.
Filling in the questionnaire for DD1 made me realise that DP has it (really highly likely) which is apparently not uncommon in couples as you can relate - but I am definitely more organised - but I work a lot harder at it - which is really hard so I get frustrated with him . (I am very controlled)
DD2 (6 years younger than DD1) I didn't think does have...but do wonder sometimes now as she has got older....although some of it might be copied behaviour and she wants to have it - feels like the odd one out in the family ...
Girls are often missed because they tend to conform more - want to fit in socially. I suspected DD1 had it for years but didn't want her labelled. There are good and bad things about her being labelled.
My DM was furious said I shouldn't have had DD1 labelled -its all rubbish etc - but then again she nearly took me to the GP because I was hyperactive ...(and that was in the 70s)
My Dsis - said I was being silly - of course I didn't have it - it could described most people at most times. I listed things like how I am always late, lost things, procrastinate, fidgety, dropped out of school etc etc - she kept saying it is just the way you are, you are just forgetful, careless, disorganised etc - then I pointed out I had just listed the symptoms of ADHD - and the penny dropped...

"Ass-purgers" brilliant

btw, we really love this book

cats

and don't have this book but it is pretty similar

dogs

The cat one has been great with DD. She loves cats so we've spent hours reading through and looking at the pictures etc. If you have 'reluctant relatives' then it could really work to get them to read these books with the kids as it does help to understand what the symptoms are.

I just want to throw this out there. My nephew was heading towards an ADHD diagnosis. He was being seen by child psychiatrists for months, lots of dealings with various services, and out of desperation my sister decided to do an elemination diet with him. He is like a new child. Turns out he was allergic to a lot of normal, everyday foods, like tomatoes and onions. Now when he has something like that (pizza with tomato sauce at a friend's house, for example) it's like he's been stuck with an epi-pen, he becomes so hyperactive and he honestly can not control his behaviour or concentrate on the most basic tasks. He always had a very healthy diet with very little junk, it just so happened he was allergic to a lot of healthy foods, and his allergy presents in a way that had a lot of child development professionals saying he would be diagnosed with ADHD.

I am in no way saying ADHD or any other children who are neuro-atypical can be 'cured' with diet. I know it can't. But sometimes things can present that way, and it might be worth a shot if it's an avenue that hasn't been explored.

I really hope I haven't offended anyone and I'm so very sorry if I have, I just wanted to share my very limited experience of watching my sister struggle for years with my nephew.

smells it's not that strange a concept. We were advised to take dd off dairy for other problems and that on its own helped massively with her behaviour. It's not a cure all sadly though. I've undertaken an elimination diet myself to help with my autoimmune issues, and while they are much better my own adhd isn't. Unless I'm intolerant to something that helped me control myself better. Which would be a bitter irony

Of course there are other things which can cause ADHD like symptoms, but that doesn't mean that ADHD doesn't exist. When going for an assessment, things like diet, daily routine, behavior expectations etc are all considered. That's why it takes so long to get a diagnosis - it has to have been evident over an extended period of time in a number of settings. A reaction to food is likely to be short-term after each food, and over time a pattern discerned.

But there are a number of kids who can be on any kind of diet, with incredibly clear behavior expectations and sensible routines, who can still NEVER sit still, focus, get organized, even when it's for their own benefit.

I really think it depends no children who have ADHD are naughty but all people with naughty children will want a label of ADHD

There was a show a last year that put cameras in parents home to find out once and for all the children had addtioal needs about half were due to poor parenting and half were due to the child haveing addtioal needs

It's difficult really

My sisters son has ADHD however she is also a awful parent she smokes drugs my nephew has witnessed her being beaten he's had more "uncles" than hot dinners and she often leaves them with anyone who will have them including us for 6 weeks and she simply switched off her phone

so I won't feel bad if sometimes I wonder if my nephews issues are dude more to the fact of my sister or that they are being made worse by her lack lustre parenting when she went to her assment and they asked about my nephews home I would think she omitted those details

Kick, obviously my nephews case was particular but because he was eating foods he was allergic to so often as they are healthy foods, he was at a constant level of 'reaction'. He can't have oranges, lemons, grapes, tomatoes, peppers, olives, garlic, onions, corn, and that's just a tiny it's I can remember off the top of my head. None of those would click to a specialist when talking about diet. It was only once his system had 'de-toxed' from all the chemicals his body produced in reaction to these foods that the reaction became obvious when he did start eating those foods again. Like I said, I'm sorry

Whoops! Sorry. I just wanted to share this one particular story in the chance that maybe it can help someone. I am in childcare myself and know that each child is built differently, and am in no way for a second suggesting people don't do the right thing by their DCs, I just found my nephew's situation interesting and, as I said, thought I would share.

smell don't worry! Diet is massively important and not everyone gets on with what they should. It's harder to tell with a child as they can't really explain reactions. Lactose wasn't a strange thing for dd as my entire maternal side have issues with it. It's also one of the more common problems. Dd still exhibits adhd symptoms, but she is far less 'naughty' if you get what I mean.

However I wouldn't advise anyone tried an elimination diet on a child without medical support btw.

Thefitfatty I don't know if you'll see this but if you do can I ask which meds you are on? My husband was diagnosed at 30 years old in November and we are currently in the process of trying him on meds and have been given three options

I'm just looking at DS and wondering where he might fit from a career point, he really wants to go to University and I can see him achieving that but worry if he'll be able to cope in an office job.

And by disorganised I don't just mean physically disorganised (ds has just come back from holiday, on which he lost all his shoes [baffled]) but mentally disorganised.

@Maryz - This sounds so much like my son (who has been diagnosed with ADHD) if he can lose something he will. He also struggles to organise the thoughts in his head. He writes amazingly well but finds the organisation of his thoughts so difficult. I'm trying to teach him how to plan work right now.

Mary is your son on medication? Mine isn't at the moment but he's only in the first stages of secondary school - I have to admit the prospect of revising for exams concerns me. He is (and this isn't just parental bragging ) quite clever but his inability to organise his thoughts is letting him down. I haven't gone down the medication route yet as he does seem to be able to focus on work at the level he is at but I'm wondering what is going to happen in the future. I don't want to leave it too late as I know there can be some trial and error with medication in the beginning. I'm wondering what other experiences are. Perhaps a topic for another section of the forum actually.

To the OP I have definitely experienced people referring to behaviours as naughty including a teacher who should have known better given the subject she teaches and seen many a meme on Facebook talking about how 'In my day there weren't labels we just called them naughty and punished them' and having to resist the urge to say viewing ignorance with rose tinted spectacles is nothing to be proud of.

To the poster (sorry I couldn't find your post to get your name) who wondered about office jobs - my friend has ADHD she completed university with me, has worked in offices (and as an office manager), done a second degree and writes wonderful stories. She is on medication, but yes some people with ADHD can work in offices but she also had a lot of job changes. It hasn't affected her, she is very accomplished so try (I know it is hard) not to worry about what your child will do in the future they may find their own path.

The Times has a good article today about Tim Lott, a journalist and author, who has just been diagnosed with ADHD.

My DS has just been diagnosed at 14yrs old, he has been 'in trouble' at secondary school for 2 1/2 years, resulting in low self esteem and slowly becoming the person he is daily accused of being (at school). He keeps leaving the school gate to fetch footballs and is at the point that the school is assessing his safety ( he nips out & back with the ball). Any advice from parents with teens in trouble at school would be very welcome just now