"ADHD is naughty boy syndrome"

[highten]

My DD has suspected ADHD. I'm fed up with my mum/dad and my MIL/FIL, describing it as 'naughty boy syndrome'. My DD isn't exactly 'naughty'. Is this type of assumption going to continue throughout her whole life?

Bettiefloo, if the boy is being so disruptive and violent then his behaviour isn't being managed properly and he isn't receiving the correct support. He isn't naughty.

Op, people are ignorant about all sorts of disabilities

Thefit thanks for that excellent information, I agree, DS just couldn't cope in school without his medication, had he been born 30yrs earlier he may have dropped out of school by now. But he's thriving and doing well. Your career and how you are managing it sounds ace! Definitely note that down.

DD is borderline ADHD and I could imagine some of her outbreaks can easily be seen as "naughty behaviour" to an unsuspecting outsider, especially worse as she is 9 and not 3-4 anymore.

But there is a huge difference. ADHD outbreaks in our case very often come due to lack of control for the child, too much stimulation and a unknown situation.

Also, most people can't understand why you just don't use tried and tested disciplinary action or - my really pet hate - reward charts to change the behaviour.

My in-laws, living abroad so don't really see a lot of day-to-day life, can't really understand it. They basically asked when we saw the pediatrician "so, she will be fine now?" or "how can you cure it?". Especially comical sometimes as DH also shows certain symptoms of ADHD.

Vestal Just being a day dreamer alone, is not what gets you a diagnosis of ADHD fgs! If you don't know anything about the condition, ask.

Iamthegreatest1 I was lucky in school in that I did well in things where I could read ahead, or just write notes and remember what it was. But I failed maths, physics and chemistry horribly. I just couldn't concentrate. Luckily common sense prevailed and they allowed me to graduate despite the failures. (I was pulling honors level grades in everything else, but passing math was a requirement for graduation).

How interesting, Maths is ds's Achilles heel. Same issue with Physics and Chemistry.

I don't think that is what vestal is saying.

I read it as - socialisation plays a role in how adhd presents in girls vs boys, I presented as 'girl' adhd and was missed. My life could be so different if I had presented as 'boy' adhd, which was more recognised.

And I agree with that (except mine is asd)

Your DD has four grandparents with PIS - Pig Ignorant Syndrome - which may get better over time but there is no known treatment for it.

What can work is lists, preferably tick-off lists, where the child can see what they should be doing and tick off one little bit at a time.

These are great....till you get bored with them and forget about doing them. :P

In regards to what Vestal said, I'm on a forum for adults with ADHD, and we have a section for Partners of those with ADHD, and the amount of woman who come on describing blatant emotional, physical and financial abuse by their partner as symptoms of ADHD is disturbing. Especially because these things are NOT part of ADHD, the ADHD is just being used as an excuse for it. So I kind of see what she means about socialization, or "accepting" certain behaviors in boys, especially ones with ADHD. However, it's by no means the norm.

That doesn't shock me. I've heard that ADHD is made up by the pharmaceutical industry so that they can sell pills.

I'm sorry that you have to put up with shitty attitude from people who should be more supportive.

The hardest part of having a child with ADHD is usually the other parents!

DS2 has ADHD. He is NOT naughty. He knows right from wrong and gets pulled up when he steps out of line (same as DS1). There are times when he is unable to sit still and we work with him to recognise when he is getting a bit restless so we can try and manage the situation. His biggest problem is impulsiveness which can be dangerous - he will dash across a road without looking if he sees a friend on the other side for example.

We've had a tough year with medication changes & bullying but just had his school report and his teachers think he is an amazing little boy!

Not all kids with ADHD are naughty and not all naughty kids have ADHD!!

Maryz you describe the mental disorganisation so well.

DS has a big problem with time. I don't think he understands or correlates it with his own activities. I know most children don't really get time, but DS's is multiplied by 10. Also, does anyone have sensory issues with showers? I'm not sure wether this is actually what DS has, but once he enters a shower, he can't seem to come out until he's almost drowning in it, 1hr later. He just sits whilst the water pours over his head.

""I'm also keen to find out from posters generally here what type of jobs/careers your ADHD sufferer now has as an adult. ""

My DD was born in 1985 and I know realise that what was dismissed as me being "a young inexperienced Mum" was my DD showing signs of ADHD, from a few months old.

She went through a school system that didn't recognise issues unless the child was five years behind (Liverpool 80's/90's).

I shot myself in the foot by learning what I could and teaching her at home, learning behaviour strategies and close supervision (which according to the ED Phyc made me obsessive).

I was terrified of her starting high school, because she wouldn't cope and didn't.

Anyway, at 14, she was in a Education Unit, they did day release work experience and my DD shone in Ethel Austins. She was put in the Stock Room (I will be forever grateful to that Manager). Because of her energy levels and being alone, she was the best worker they'd ever had.

She then did retail and part time Care. She started in a elderly dementia unit and MH was her passion. She's worked her way up to Manger of a MH Unit.

She had done factory work, for agencies, so changed regularly where she worked, which she enjoyed.

She has routines that she has to follow, to be able to function and not lose paperwork/keys etc.

Her only needing to sleep four hours a night, until her late 20's, was an advantage.

There are companies that will support Additional needs.

My youngest, who has moderate LDs, but who is polite, hard working and her main trait, thorough working practices, has meant that she's done well in part time jobs, Costa, Cafes, Cleaning.

I've self referred my youngest, nearly 19, to be reassessed. Because she was in a SN school, a full diagnosis wasn't pursued, because the strategies used suited, all types of SN.

As an Adult, though, it is useful, for the reasons stated.

It makes all the rhetoric about "working harder", to get out of poverty, difficult to listen to. When you have first hand experience of how hard it's been to get to that level and the sense of pride that should be felt.

Actually, sorry OP don't mean to derail your thread. Just wondered whether any other ADHD sufferes had these symptoms. I might start a new thread.

""Also, does anyone have sensory issues with showers?""

My adult DD still does, she washes her hair using a pan and a bowl. She also feels 'odd' (her words) around Waterfalls.

She overcome the time issue by the use of reminders on her phone. For some things, it took until her early 20's.

I see what Vestal means now, apologies.

I can't stand people who say shit like that. Its very real, makes life hell for the children and adults who have it.

The issue is created by people who actually have no fucking idea about ADHD but like to tell people their children have it.

The reality is very different and getting a diagnosis isn't easy and can take months and years, its not something you grow out of.

ADHD is one part of my DS, Autism, SPD, Dyspraxia are the others, together they make his life and his ability to live it very difficult.

Life is lived one instruction, constantly repeated, at a time.

I feel that there isn't enough information gathering from Adults, who've had ADHD diagnosis's, from childhood.

My DD went through a stage in late teens that produced similar symptoms as a Bipolar disorder.

Iamthegreatest my DS is 26 and has had a number of jobs.... He does best in a call centre, because he is bouncy and chatty and there a rules to follow.

He got sacked from a traditional office role because his manager took an instant dislike to him. He wouldn't fit into her idea of how he should work. Plus calling a spade a spare doesn't go down well in polite corporate society

Also, does anyone have sensory issues with showers?

I do love a good shower....but mostly because it's alone time and I can escape into my imagination....

Birds Your daughter and you have put in commendable effort. It's all very exhausting, I find anyway, but then they do something that's just so lovely e.g
DS12 said yesterday smiling, "I know we fight a lot, but we always will love each other," and that just makes it all worth it.

OP, I think all we can do is continue to raise awareness, DS also has TS a double whammy but we mustn't give up hope. Perhaps we should have some, " raising awareness" leaflets ready in our bags/briefcase to shove at unfortunate ignoramus that crosses our path.

Maryz (Mum says you're a good 'un)!
I have frequently managed to lose one shoe from a pair or two! (Mum says at least a dozen over the years. At primary school I lost underwear that I'd been wearing in the morning and would come home with one sock! I had to go to college last week to give someone back their folder, I'd got it muddled with mine. I gave it back. Halfway home got a text: "I have your folder as well as mine now"

I have lists, and I have a phone reminder to look at the list.
I'm 20 in 6 weeks. I still cannot be given a list of things to remember with anything more than three items on it and that's hit and miss. I have music in my head and the world makes a lot of noise and the light bouncing around looks so pretty....

Dawn donna's other dd!