"ADHD is naughty boy syndrome"

[highten]

My DD has suspected ADHD. I'm fed up with my mum/dad and my MIL/FIL, describing it as 'naughty boy syndrome'. My DD isn't exactly 'naughty'. Is this type of assumption going to continue throughout her whole life?

I had pretty severe adhd as a child.
I can't believe people still think it is a made up condition, especially in girls and refer to it in this way
I hope you get answers quickly and she gets whatever support she needs.

Can somebody please explain to me why my post got deleted? It was well within the guidelines, I wasn't rude of offensive I just have my response to the original post/question - why was that not ok!?

It does last forever yes , sorry. My DD has ADHD was previously never "naughty" but was very inattentive, hard to engage, terribly disorganised and real issues with memory and impulsivity. So many times I've heard "it's just spoilt brat syndrome" "just an excuse for lax parenting" "they just need discipline" etc. DD has unfortunately become quite the self fulfilling prophecy with age but from a young age she's said thing like "X says people with ADHD are naughty" "my TA doesn't believe I have it as I'm not naughty" !

Maryz, that's really interesting. I'll look this up. It's so sad that my cousin has the life he does. He has an illness but it's never been dealt with properly. I support any opportunity for children to be diagnosed at an early age, not as a reason to excuse bad behaviour, but to understand it and adjust parenting styles for the childs benefit. It can make the world of difference.

I have a ds with ADHD. School has been the biggest problem with some teachers who only see a naughty boy and only want to see a naughty boy and the judgemental parents of little princesses. They made our lives hell and thank goodness we are in a supportive school now who can see impulsiveness, being distracted and fidgety are not naughtiness.

One of the problems is that other issues can cause the same symptoms. Children with undiagnosed hearing problems can seem inattentive, forgetful, naughty etc. Children from disruptive, disorganised families can display the same symptoms.Children suffering abuse can also display the same symptoms. And yes, some children are just unruly, even with the best intentions of their parents.

but instead of just saying it's a 'naughty child' adults should be looking to see what care that child needs and how to help them. Even if they are a naughty child, the adults around them should be helping them to moderate their behavior, not making out that they're the devil incarnate.

It is also known as the entrepeneurs syndrome. Many many people I know are blessed with Adhd. You are going to have to do much ignoring and educating.

iPost it's been about 4 months since my diagnosis and I went from doubting it and worrying what people would say, to practically shouting it from the roof tops! Starting Concerta has changed my life in so many ways for the better, and finally understanding why I do and feel certain things has been so eye opening, rather than just calling myself lazy or stupid.

I wonder how different my life could have been if I'd been diagnosed as a child, but reading this I'm not sure I would have gotten the support I needed to make much of a difference. :(

*Unfortunately it will continue, yes. Sadly one of the biggest problems you face, as the parent of a disabled child, is the attitude of the public in general, and often relatives in particular.

I don't know the school usual attitude to ADHD, but with autism, even with a diagnosis the usual form is to assume the parents are to blame. Badly behaved in school? Parents are managing the autism badly and the kids take it out there. Badly behaved at home but masking in school? The parents can't manage the child as the school can. It's bullshit according to all the research,
My MIL is convinced DS is fine. She was so angry when we had him assessed and diagnosed, against her vehemently expressed advice, that she refused to speak to DH for a few months after. Admittedly, this was a relief to him more than anything else. I just let her idiocy go - we have bigger issues than a smug, ignorant relative.*

^^ exactly. Mine has ADHD/ASD/SLD/ OCD and a number of otherthinga, but according to all and sundry its MY fault, shes a badly bought up brat and Im useless.

I have adhd. Not medicated as my parents refused back then (35yo when it was just hyperactivity ). I am fortunate in that my mind prefers absolutes so I always enjoyed maths and sciences and like exams. I work with data when I am working. I've learned to force myself into doing things but never can stick to them for long. Music is my escape - I control my distractions in order to concentrate.

Dd has all the same traits as me. But I cannot get her school to acknowledge any of it. Because she doesn't act like a naughty boy. Despite the fact I've brought in material to show them that it presents differently sometimes. With dd it's not daydreaming. She's so alert she never day dreams. They don't see this as a problem. A 5yo who doesn't day dream ever is not normal, let alone a girl who doesn't.

I think the issue is that sometimes the effects of bad parenting mimic the effects of adhd. I have taught many absolutely amazing kids with adhd, who are not the least bit naughty.

I teach a boy currently who has no set bedtime, no screen boundaries, an appalling diet and borderline neglectful parents. He is currently being assessed for adhd. He does tick a lot of the boxes, but how much of this is down to exhaustion, being wired on sugar, and never being told no? I don't envy the people having to decide.

David decorator - Really?! How ignorant
My DD is about 4-5 years below average academically due to her memory and issues with being able to concentrate, despite having very good attendance, a tutor and "plenty of fresh air". Its people with these medieval views that piss me off, you can't just go out and get your DC's diagnosed to explain bad behaviour the process is long and explores all other options first such as parenting issues.

Thanks for that David. My fantastic, well parented, regularly exposed to fresh air, 8 year old is dyspraxic and is being assessed for ADD. These have a high comorbidity with a genetic condition that he has. An actual doctor told us about the genetic condition.
An actual occupational therapist assessed him as being on the 0.05th centile for certain motor skills.
I wish he didn't have these conditions, and I wish that parenting and fresh air could make him easier to live with but I'm afraid that's not going to happen.

David that is the best spoof 'thick as pig shit and ignorant as fuck' comment I have ever read. Really made me laugh, it was like my grandad was right here spouting off shite. I especially like liked the 'just my ha'porth' to give it an authentic feel of what a complete bore would say after they had given an opinion of which they know nothing about. Well done. Keenly observed.

Adhd is complex. Not everyone presents the same

I wonder how different my life could have been if I'd been diagnosed as a child, but reading this I'm not sure I would have gotten the support I needed to make much of a difference.

I was diagnosed with disleksia in the 70s. Based on the amount of "help" I got with that, I don't think being diagnosed with ADHD when I was a child would have helped me all that much.

This is going to sound ridiculous. But getting diagnosed was possibly the happiest day of my life. Knowing why I do(or don't do) the things I do (or forget to do) has left me on a high. I feel like running around singing "I'm not crap ! I'm not crap! I just have a thing".

Now I know what it is, I can use all these stratagies I've found and set myself up to avoid the pitfalls. Although thanks to Brexit causing hyper focus... the number one strategy ATM is DH & DS running off with my iPad and claiming I told them to do it. Which I may have done. But now wish to retract as a command.

Bit worried about my ability to bring the hyper focus under control if I stick to a no meds route. The thing is, I like it. I have very little motivation to curtail it and bring it back under control. Because I've always thought of it as some odd superpower I got by mistake and I don't want to give it up. Even if intellectually I know it makes more sense for me to be more moderate in my approach to things I want to learn, read, make or do, I really really like how hyper focus feels. And I really, really like how not fighting it gets me out of all the mundane stuff I really really struggle to do. Because I wander off in the middle because I got an idea and went to get something then forgot why I was there and started doing something else.

Hyper focus feels like winning. Mundane stuff is a long miserable, losing race in the hills of "I am really crap at this".

I may need to re-think the no meds situation if I can't get a handle on that bit this summer. I have an appointment in September where I report back on how well the introduction of ADHD friendly coping stratagies is going. I don't think "There is an iPost shaped hollow in the sofa cos I've sat there for months reading all things Brexit" is going to impress the psych all that much.

Another question; do those of you with a diagnosis argue a lot? this is another trait DS has, he can argue you into a grave, you cant out argue him, and usually its over something completely senseless even with evidence infront of him. CAMHs mentioned that this is quite common? and advised not to engage with it.

Yes DD argues over anything/everything and has a will to be in control all the time, which obviously can't happen. Her friendships are fragile and rarely make it past a few weeks then there's an almighty fall out.

David

Most of what laymen think they know about ADHD (and a whole host of other disorders) originated from anti-psychiatry propaganda created by Scientologists

They knew going after scizophrenia wouldn't find such fertile ground, so chose ADHD first and worked up from there. MSM picked it up and ran with it. They didn't even bother to check who was behind the company name on the videos being produced. They just picked up on the lazy appeals to emotion and nostalgia and chugged it out to the general public.

So have at it. If you want to base your understanding on a foundation first laid out by people who think are Aliens wandering about, that's your call.

I think I do argue a lot. Probably why I'm on here

Both my dc do too, so I just assumed we are all argumentative so and sos!

I argue to, but normal arguing. DS's arguing is a senseless exhausting type, usually based on illogical thinking.