Is my husband a spy?

[VanillaSugar]

He keeps disappearing suddenly "on business" and comes home a bit bruised and battered. He's not a boxer because he wears a suit. He won't tell me what he's doing. I also think he might be cheating on me when he's away.

I'd LTB but we have nice cars and he mixes nice cocktails.

What sort of cocktails? Martini?

I'd be worried if I were you.

Bond's wife was killed on their wedding day.

That was his first wife Patricia - but how did you lnow that??

Is this one of those stupid pretend threads? Ugh. I hate these. What's the point?

Yes, Martinis. I prefer them Dirty but he insists on vodka.

Only one way to find out. ... follow him

I don't know, is he improbably old to be such an action man?

Does his pen look normal? What about his cuff links?

Start mentioning specific letters with a knowing smile (like M or Q), see what his response is.

Um, he's just left you then - and quit his 'job' - for another woman.

He's in his 40s, is obsessed with his fit bit and does the Park Run every Saturday.

He won't queue - not even for petrol. He'll drive to the next petrol station and say "I'm too important to queue."

He likes sweets. I've often heard him say "I love M&ms"

ABloodyDifficultWoman, oh dear you're not meant to say that, have to pretend to play along or just ignore it. Otherwise you'll get a thread full of people explaining that you 'lack a sense of humour' (or some crap like that).

I'm afraid his life story has been the subject of a number of lurid publications, OP. Does he happen to speak a number of languages?

DH has just read this threat & said "I'll sort that bloody difficult woman out and the other one as well." Don't know what he means by that as he's an accountant. I think.

He sometimes wears cufflinks (but not the ones I buy him) and he keeps his pen in a special box.

We once went to Spain and he spent a week under a free conjugating Spanish verbs.....

I like these threads!

If he comes anywhere near you with a spray can of gold paint, run for the hills!

He might be a pimp in a competitve market and have to keep defending his patch.

I'll have some of what you've been drinking

Under a free what?
;-)

Your imaginary husband is making threats against women? He's a winner isn't he. Think you have more problems than his apparent line of work.

Did you drink a gin martini and fall down drunk?