Is my husband a spy?

[VanillaSugar]

He keeps disappearing suddenly "on business" and comes home a bit bruised and battered. He's not a boxer because he wears a suit. He won't tell me what he's doing. I also think he might be cheating on me when he's away.

I'd LTB but we have nice cars and he mixes nice cocktails.

Calm down op - it's not like the sky is falling.

ABloodyDifficultWoman, we're just 'miserable bastards' who don't understand odd (drunken) ramblings. Something to do with the good old days of MN when random chat was apparently hilarious. If that's the case, the 'good old days' were a bit sad and nonsensical. Keeps Mumsnet on the wrong side of twee, but I don't have a sense of humour, so what do I know .

Honestly, for some people, the world is not enough, is it??

Give me miserable bastard any day of the week! You know where you are with a miserable bastard whereas people who find twee pretend shit funny just mystify me.

Ah, but if he's the spy who loved her, that's a quantum of solace, isn't it?

[snort] Patricia

I don't think you lot are taking this seriously angry
I sure you asked on another thread if a bikini, snorkel and flippers (with diamonds) would be appropriate at a baptism, a parents evening, a wedding (evening only) and an interview. I know we're snobs but really? You didn't even mention the make of the flippers.

You know, I'm pretty sure there are some referendum threads around somewhere, if anyone is a bit bored and would rather be discussing Matters of Importance at 11.40pm on a Saturday night.

I'm not even drunk. I've got to get up early and make bacon sandwiches at the cricket club tomorrow morning.

Whaaaaaat? That wasn't me about the flippers.

See, I told you I thought he was cheating in me.

To get my revenge I'm going to tie him to a bottomless chair and flay his bloody bollacks.

Casino tomorrow night, by any chance?

Sadly not. He's taking me to Wales for our holidays. Says he's bored of Monte Carlo and Aspen.

I've got a mate with a private island. He has a lovely fish tank, apparently, send your OH over to chill and swim with the fishes

Saving that for the bloody difficult woman and the Edmund one.

Off to bed now. DH is snoring his head off which is when I think Naaaah. Not a spy. But then I say "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?" And he says it's a gun.

Does he at least bring back gifts from these exotic places op? Bottle of perfume? Local diseases sweets? A tacky fridge magnet perhaps?

Saving that for the bloody difficult woman and the Edmund one

What precisely are you saving for me? Or quite bored of making up silly stories now?

LTB. I've got a lovely mate, he's from the EU and maybe would like to marry to stay, to be safe, he has a Chinese butler (challenging, but getting staff is bloody hard). His accent isn't the best but he's got a lovely macintosh and means well.

The fish tank Edmund. Just the fish tank. With the leeeetle feeeeeshess ...

He might be doing those Bear Grylls type survival camps where men go up against nature and survive. The suits are just to throw you off the scent. And then returns home to enjoy his urbane metropolitan comforts once more.
Or he's started a Fight Club and you know the first rule...
He's not the cheating on you. He's in love with getting in touch with his masculinity.

But then I say "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?" And he says it's a gun

Oops! Meant to say, I actually snorted at this!

Get a good night sleep, Vanilla. Hope you remember how to behave like an adult in the morning.

contessa - he once bought me some Kiehl's handcream from Kings Cross station. Does that count?

Tigger nice offer.... tempted. It's better than the last offer with the man with the dodgy braces on his teeth.

Thanks Twisty!!!

Night y'all!