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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my husband a spy?

106 replies

VanillaSugar · 09/07/2016 22:43

He keeps disappearing suddenly "on business" and comes home a bit bruised and battered. He's not a boxer because he wears a suit. He won't tell me what he's doing. I also think he might be cheating on me when he's away.

I'd LTB but we have nice cars and he mixes nice cocktails.

OP posts:
KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 10/07/2016 00:10

Does behaving like an adult mean you have to be a miserable fucker late on a Saturday night? If so, I'm Out.

FTS!

PatriciaHolm · 10/07/2016 00:11

Maybe you should hold out for some milk tray...

PatriciaHolm · 10/07/2016 00:12

Do they even make milk tray any more????

EdmundCleverClogs · 10/07/2016 00:17

Does behaving like an adult mean you have to be a miserable fucker late on a Saturday night? If so, I'm Out.

That's fair enough. I personally don't enjoy jokes where a poster suggests their 'husband' will 'sort' female posters out (whatever the context). I guess that makes me a 'miserable fucker'. Regardless, this sort of 'humour' isn't for everyone. That's the great thing about a forum, you get opinions from both sides.

MouldyPeach · 10/07/2016 00:20

I got a small box of milk tray for a quid, had about 6 chocs in it Angry
No double layer or anything, do those still exist?

kaitlinktm · 10/07/2016 00:23

Does he read his newspaper like this? (It's always a sure sign).

Is my husband a spy?
dodobookends · 10/07/2016 00:34

Does he know anybody with a fluffy white cat? If so, they are not to be trusted...

Just5minswithDacre · 10/07/2016 00:40

Blame the thread bemoaning that MN isn't funny any more HmmConfused

midsomermurderess · 10/07/2016 00:49

Perhaps he goes to fight club.

LadyB49 · 10/07/2016 00:59

A bonus is that there's always a wee guy in a bowler hat available to do the Odd Job.

LadyB49 · 10/07/2016 01:05

With all the unexplained comings and goings of dh sometimes you have to Live and Let Die, even if he does spend too much time in Casino Royal. As long as he remembers that Diamonds are Forever.

DixieNormas · 10/07/2016 01:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
VanillaSugar · 10/07/2016 08:28

Morning all! I'll try and answer your questions...

Milk Tray. Ugh, I'd LTB. Hotel Chocolat perleeeeese.
Paper: no, he's always on his phone
Cats: no, he's a dog man
Fight Club??? That's a whole new scenario Confused

He did once buy me an Aston Martin. He said it was in the drive. I couldn't see it so I said grumpily "What, is it invisible?"

He said "Yes, that's the point."

We had to move house recently. I want away with my friends for a week and came back to find the house completely destroyed. Not just messy. Gone. That must have been one helluva party.

OP posts:
Original poster
VanillaSugar · 10/07/2016 08:29

Dixie and friends: Grin

OP posts:
Tiggeryoubastard · 10/07/2016 08:31

Does he like Adele and Shirley Bassey?

Original poster
VanillaSugar · 10/07/2016 08:34

Just asked him and he nodded his head and smiled and said "Oh yeah!"

OP posts:
supersoftcuddlytoys · 10/07/2016 09:11

Be nice to him when he's driving FFS. See that passenger seat?

supersoftcuddlytoys · 10/07/2016 09:14

Oh crap, I mean to embed this go to 50 secs in

CatNip2 · 10/07/2016 09:15

I'm new on here, and I don't get this kind of thread or what it is about, I get the Bond theme, but why the thread?

Not wanting to put a dampener on anyone's fun, but I feel like the new girl at school and everyone is sharing a joke I am excluded from Confused.

Sofabitch · 10/07/2016 09:17

Perhaps he has a bdsm habbit and goes off for sesions with a mistress... woukd explain the bruising.

Original poster
VanillaSugar · 10/07/2016 09:28

Christ, he does that all the time supersoft, when he's dropping me off at the shops. I always thought it was because he couldn't be bothered to park.

Catnip - no reason. Just because. Join in. Or be like those two. Or join another thread. The choice is yours.

Welcome to mumsnet.

OP posts:
Nanunanu · 10/07/2016 09:58

Catnip have you every played consequences with friends or a role playing game or done a murder mystery?

This thread is like that. A silly little skit into fantasy. It riffs on combining mn clichés like Ltb (leave the bastard) with the pretence of being bond's wife.

As it is the Internet, someone will get huffily offended. And tell everyone engaging in such childish fun that they are being unreasonable and not funny and oh God why does anyone ever post these things. Why do you pollute my super special Internet space with such... and then they either choose awful twee things or offensive crap depending upon which side of bed they got out that morning. Then they will moan that it's not like the old days on here.

As with all threads, take part or don't. But why some folk feel the need to piss on other people's harmless fun is completely beyond me. These threads are not always my cup of tea (although I am enjoying this one. I wish my knowledge of James bond was sufficient to contribute further) but I dont have the urge to tell people they are in the wrong for finding silly stuff funny.

Did you mean to be so rude Edmund?

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 10/07/2016 10:57

Oh Edmund. Go and get a vodka martini and sit in your Aston Martin and have a word with yourself.

Shizzlestix · 10/07/2016 12:54

Oh Edmund. Go and get a vodka martini and sit in your Aston Martin and have a word with yourself.

And are you on glue and give your head a wobble!

MiddleClassProblem · 10/07/2016 12:55

We all know Edmund has a white fluffy cat and a swivel chair

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