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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be perplexed by this?

118 replies

gardenangels · 09/07/2016 22:11

Four of us arrange to have a coffee together to celebrate. Was arranged by Clarissa who is close friends with all of us. We all know each other but Clarissa glues us together.

We get to coffee shop Clarissa starts a conversation with a random stranger and then goes to join their table for 40 minutes. By the time she comes back we are ready to leave...

OP posts:
Original poster
gardenangels · 09/07/2016 23:43

Am I missing something? Is it an unreasonable expectation to actually spend time with the people you arrange to meet?

Others were not fine with it just said nothing but they were not impressed.

OP posts:
MudCity · 09/07/2016 23:45

Perhaps you and the two other friends viewed the celebration as more important an occasion than she did. You saw it as an important birthday celebration. She saw it as meeting up for a coffee.

Has this event triggered something for you OP?

Not sure one person not joining in would have 'ruined' it for me. I would have just enjoyed the company of the friends who were there, not the one who was sat elsewhere.

FreyaFriday · 09/07/2016 23:47

Never mind the fact she ditched you all, who the fuck goes off in a coffee shop and sits at a table with random people they've never met before??!!

Clarissa sounds weird!

Stripyhoglets · 09/07/2016 23:48

Not acceptable behaviour at all. Can't believe all these people saying it's ok to do this and yabu. I wouldn't bother with her at all anymore.

Original poster
gardenangels · 09/07/2016 23:49

It was arranged by her as an important celebration and important that we could all be there. Not triggering anything but annoyance as we rarely get together and it took a lot of effort to get a date and time we could all make.

OP posts:
HarryPottersMagicWand · 09/07/2016 23:50

So you hadn't seen each other for ages, was a nightmare to get this meet up sorted due to everyone being so busy, it was a birthday celebration and you only stayed for 40 minutes? Bit pointless.

Original poster
gardenangels · 09/07/2016 23:52

Not pointless but time was precious as we are so busy. She also ruined the celebration as we were waiting for her to return .....

OP posts:
Duck90 · 09/07/2016 23:55

Maybe not aggressive then, more frosty Smile I did say I understand where you are coming from though

Original poster
gardenangels · 09/07/2016 23:57

Frosty maybe but don't like unnecessary nasty/bitchy comments

OP posts:
StrangeLookingParasite · 10/07/2016 00:06

I think she was really rude, and a bit odd. I don't know why some people are laying into you so much, other than an apparent desire to have a go at someone regardless of the reason.

Original poster
gardenangels · 10/07/2016 00:08

Strange thanks for that. Right nest of vipers on here.

OP posts:
roundaboutthetown · 10/07/2016 06:53

Maybe the subtext was that she was a bit angry with all of you? Maybe she feels like she is always the one who makes the effort to try and get everyone together and was made to feel like you think you're the only friends she has, that you are all a bit self-importantly busy, you all play hard to get and are so uninterested in her and each other that all she could get out of you was 40 minutes in a coffee shop? I know I would feel that 40 minutes in a coffee shop was a bit grudging and unenthusiastic - certainly not much fun! Maybe a stranger is better to talk to than three women looking at their watches to see if the time's up, yet.
Or maybe she just doesn't realise she is the important glue that keeps the rest of you together and she feels somewhat unnecessary?

roundaboutthetown · 10/07/2016 06:57

Or maybe she hoped you would all get closer to each other if she wasn't there?

ipswichwitch · 10/07/2016 07:06

What did the randoms make of it? Total stranger starts chuntering on at them about a pram,then invites themselves to sit at their table for 40min.

Cosmo111 · 10/07/2016 07:11

roundaboutthetown is spot on. I don't think I would make the effort for some friends if all I got was 40 minutes from their busy lives. It's not even an hour. You can always make time for people if you choose to.

mylovegoesdown · 10/07/2016 07:30

I wouldn't bother getting ready to meet up for 40 minutes either. And I wouldn't have done what friend did as I do think it was rude but I'd find the idea that apparently 'good friends' wouldn't want to see me again because 3 adult women couldn't entertain themselves for 40 minutes and I'd 'ruined' it for them very perplexing.

maxeffort0satisfaction · 10/07/2016 07:32

you don't know if they really are strangers and you don't know what the conversation was about
you're not children, get on with your own conversations...

she probably didn't realise the time.
it might've not actually been 40 mins

I think its rude but I'm sure there is more to the story than you say here..and really the best people to bitch and gossip about clarissa is the other friends that were there and saw the situation. we can speculate til the cows come home...even better ask clarissa.

don't bother meeting up next time if unless clarissa queen bee is leading the meeting you're time watching. obviously not much in common with the rest of the girls to make it worth meeting if you are that aware of the time etc.

GarlicStake · 10/07/2016 08:59

Important celebration
and
40 minutes in a coffee shop

don't equal the same occasion, to my mind.

I've already realised your ideas are worlds apart from mine, garden. I can't really understand your being so upset. Do all four of you live your lives in strict half-hour slices? I'm wondering whose time limit it was.

If I went out of my way to see someone and they were collecting their things after half an hour, I'd feel quite peeved (in fact, it's happened and I was!) I don't know why Clarissa went off to another table but she might have been annoyed if the situation made her feel like she had to entertain you all while you checked your watches.

hotdiggedy · 10/07/2016 09:15

I think its perplexing indeed. I wonder what they were talking about.

JustSpeakSense · 10/07/2016 09:28

Even if it were just a casual cup of coffee with friends this us rude and strange behaviour, understandable if she bumped into an old friend in the coffee shop, but she struck up a conversation with strangers. I would also feel annoyed and overlooked by my friend. It's probably best to let this friendship fizzle out.

Original poster
gardenangels · 10/07/2016 09:30

She absolutely did not know them. We heard the whole conversation. This is the first time she has ever arranged anything and the first time we have all met up together. The meet up was her idea for the 2 birthdays. The 40 minutes was due to kids etc commitments and non - supportive partners.

OP posts:
roundaboutthetown · 10/07/2016 09:41

Well, you were entertained for 40 minutes listening to her conversation, then... What was it about, that it managed to last so long? And why did you all just sit there for forty minutes listening to her talking to strangers? Does she not realise you don't actually like each other that much? Yes, she was rude, but it really doesn't sound like it was ever going to be a fun meet up, tbh.

EightNoineTen · 10/07/2016 09:42

She sounds weird. What kind of things was she talking about with the stranger/s? I have a friend a little like that though can't imagine her doing that in a coffee shop, in a bar with alcohol yes but coffee shop no. Do you think the stranger/s wanted her there? If I'd been having coffee and a strange woman struck up conversation I'd be thinking 'oh God please make her go away'. But I'm not the best at socialising.

hotdiggedy · 10/07/2016 09:42

I don't think 40 mins is strange. We all have busy lives and problems to deal with. Give the Op a break! (what were they talking about btw??)

Original poster
gardenangels · 10/07/2016 09:51

They were talking about children. We all get on well and were talking but we were sort of waiting for her to come back if that makes sense?

OP posts:
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