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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be perplexed by this?

118 replies

gardenangels · 09/07/2016 22:11

Four of us arrange to have a coffee together to celebrate. Was arranged by Clarissa who is close friends with all of us. We all know each other but Clarissa glues us together.

We get to coffee shop Clarissa starts a conversation with a random stranger and then goes to join their table for 40 minutes. By the time she comes back we are ready to leave...

OP posts:
ExtraHotLatteToGo · 09/07/2016 22:48

That's rude & absolutely bonkers!

Next time she organises something, ask her if she plans on gracing you with her presence or pissing off to talk to strangers!?

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 09/07/2016 22:49

The OP said in the her op it was a celebration. Hardly a drip feed to say later it was for birthdays.

MrBoot · 09/07/2016 22:49

Is Clarissa my friend Marjorie. Marjorie is also the glue of all our groups, it is hard to meet up as people are busy. The last time Marjorie and I met up, another friend of hers who I have vaguely met before, joined us in the restaurant as she said he was 'just passing'. We were eating in a late open restaurant in an otherwise closed shopping centre!!! The man was nice enough and I still enjoyed the evening but I was pissed off.

The thing with Marjorie is that she is a 'people' person. So she has lots and lots of acquaintances because it is so easy for her to chat to people, her favourite being random strangers for to quote her 'how else do you get to know new people'.......?!?!

Original poster
gardenangels · 09/07/2016 22:49

Sorry Crunchy did not think this was a legal document where all facts have to be disclosed...

It was a celebration of 2 birthdays not just a casual coffee

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 09/07/2016 22:50

That's bazaar. What wrong with a two min chat and then saying " sorry, I really need to get back to my friends now. Nice to meet you". Job done.

Some people are vay vay ruuuuude Smile

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 09/07/2016 22:51

Was the stranger a bloke by any chance?

roundaboutthetown · 09/07/2016 22:55

Why were you only there for 40 minutes? Maybe she thought you'd all be staying a bit longer?

Original poster
gardenangels · 09/07/2016 23:00

Literally the only free time we all had as very busy which made it even more rude.

She shouted across coffee shop at stranger to start the conversation. Stranger was not interested (not male). I asked her if she wanted to swap seats as the three of us could not talk. She then went over to sit with the strangers.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 09/07/2016 23:05

You don't really go to a coffee shop for a long 'un with friends, more of a coffee or lunch break thing.

This is very different to getting off with a barman too (although to abondin you completely and still be in the same venue would be annoying).

MiddleClassProblem · 09/07/2016 23:06

What did she shout at the stranger?

Original poster
gardenangels · 09/07/2016 23:08

Something to do with woman's pram

OP posts:
LauderSyme · 09/07/2016 23:11

YANBU. I'd find this perplexing too, not to mention rude and disrespectful. Are you going to say something about it to her, and how you feel? I think you should.
I was going to suggest that she must have thought you would all be there for longer than 40 mins and intended to come back and socialise with you but didn't get the chance. But your last post suggests this was not the case. So yes very weird and rude.
You seem to have transformed hurtyboobs into hardblob. I prefer hardblob! Grin

GarlicStake · 09/07/2016 23:12

Is Clarissa pregnant?

GarlicStake · 09/07/2016 23:15

I've re-read and I've decided your expectations are too high. Sorry, garden. (Your name makes me think of the scary angels in Dr Who!)

This is a highly gregarious woman. You must be fairly used to her making new friends. The other two weren't upset, and you were.

It looks like you aren't sufficiently interested in the 2 other friends to meet them without Clarissa. And basically thought you were on a date with her.

Just ring her up and meet her after work or something.

Original poster
gardenangels · 09/07/2016 23:15

Hardblob a more apt name due to bitchy comments. She is not pregnant and past that stage

OP posts:
GarlicStake · 09/07/2016 23:16

Oh, I thought that might be why she was so interested in a pram!

Original poster
gardenangels · 09/07/2016 23:19

This was not a friend making exercise. They showed no interest in making friends. Whereas the four of us to meet up for 2 birthdays. Sorry don't think it is ok to do that. You don't drop old friends to make new friends.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 09/07/2016 23:22

Did you say something when she came back like "was that your friend?", "you had a long natter?" Or anything about the baby? I realise those questions look PA written down but meant in more light hearted tones

Original poster
gardenangels · 09/07/2016 23:23

It reminded me of the school girls that think it is ok to be friends with people until they get a better offer.

If I make an arrangement to meet someone 6 weeks in advance for 40 minutes I don't expect this behaviour.

OP posts:
bostonkremekrazy · 09/07/2016 23:29

I have a friend who does this - drives me crazy.
after 5 mins i'd have shouted over - clarissa come on we're waiting for you....
or gone over and said - come on, its not a party without you, - sorry ladies you don't mind if i grab my friend back do you? big smile....

my friend and i had talked about this - she says she doesn't realise she does it, and i remind her its rude. simple.

GarlicStake · 09/07/2016 23:32

You sound eminently sensible, boston :)

Original poster
gardenangels · 09/07/2016 23:33

Boston that is exactly the case not a party without her.

I won't be going out with her again as I moved heaven and earth to be able to meet up today (at her request).

The people she ruined the celebration for were not interested in keeping in touch with her.

OP posts:
Duck90 · 09/07/2016 23:34

I think i understand where you are coming from. Unfortunately you are being quite aggressive in your responses. So possibly she couldn't be bothered with you and thought the strangers were better crack?

Original poster
gardenangels · 09/07/2016 23:36

Don't think being aggressive just answering back the unnecessarily nasty comments.

OP posts:
MudCity · 09/07/2016 23:39

Agree with *GarlicStake^ above. in situations like this I always find it useful to reflect on exactly why I feel upset...and is it actually a matter of feeling upset or something else?

Let it go, if it upsets you that much then you can choose not to see her again and find friends who aren't prone to doing that sort of thing!

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