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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think SIL is BU about Facebook photos of DNiece?

57 replies

SamanthaBrique · 09/07/2016 15:55

DN (2yo) was over recently, playing with DS (also 2) and they decided to play hide and seek. I could see DN and DS hiding behind the curtains and their feet were sticking out the bottom. It looked very cute so I snapped a photo and uploaded it to FB with a caption along the lines of having two little intruders in the house.

However SIL later saw this and sent me a long message about how she wants tone private and doesn't want any photos of DN on social media and how could I do such a thing etc etc. I took the photo down immediately of course, but given that all that could be seen of DS and DN was their feet, was she being a bit unreasonable in her response?

OP posts:

Queensbelfastvcisasexistprat · 09/07/2016 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MollyTwo · 09/07/2016 16:00

No she sounds ridiculously precious. I'm sure she thinks her child will be scarred for life now that her feet are on fb for the world to see.

branofthemist · 09/07/2016 16:02

It maybe that she other people she doesn't want any photos on social media. And this (she feels) muddys the water and in the long run it's easier.

Buggers · 09/07/2016 16:02

If someone doesn't have photos of their dc on their Facebook then yabu to not check it's ok before posting it. If you knew sil doesn't like photos on there then yabvu to do so anyway.

ElspethFlashman · 09/07/2016 16:03

Well her tone was OTT definitely. She needs to dial down the righteous indignation.

But I personally think it's polite to ask the mum first - or at least give her a vague warning ("Look at this pic I just took! So funny, lol! Mind if I FB it?") so she can head it off and ask you not to.

I have a No FB rule for pics of the kids - people have different reasons but mine is principally that I want them to enjoy the privilege of the same anonymity that I enjoyed growing up in the pre-tech era. I want the images of them that float about in cyberspace to be ultimately their choice.

So whilst I wouldn't write a snotty email I would lightly ask if you could take it down, even if it was just feet.

OlennasWimple · 09/07/2016 16:04

What bran said - we have a total ban because it's just easier to say no photos than "only non-identifying photos" and get drawn into debate about whether a particular three quarter head shot is identifying or not

CamilleClaudel · 09/07/2016 16:15

I don't allow photos of my four year old on social media. I would be highly unlikely to have sent you streams of vitriol, but I would have asked you to take it down, and I would certainly have expected you to ask first.

AnnaMarlowe · 09/07/2016 16:19

Perhaps she just thinks it's the thin end of the wedge? Easier to have a clear rule.

VashtaNerada · 09/07/2016 16:26

I know some children who can't have their photos on social media because of adoption or whatever but... their feet? Seriously?? I think it's a massive overreaction and I'd find it hard to keep a straight face.

ElspethFlashman · 09/07/2016 16:27

People who post pics of kids on FB tend to have a Oh it's no big deal type of attitude.

I think she suspects that today it's the feet but tomorrow it could be their faces.

EweAreHere · 09/07/2016 16:30

If you could only see their feet, she's beyond ridiculous.

But you'll have to roll with it, so don't post pics of her kid, even if she is completely unidentifiable.

Pearlman · 09/07/2016 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WiMoChi · 09/07/2016 17:22

Have to agree. Nip it in the bud and set firm, easy to understand boundaries so no one gets upset. You should ask before you put photos of other people's kids on FB etc

RaeSkywalker · 09/07/2016 17:24

As others have said, if SIL 'allowed' yours it would be harder to say no to others who did this. If she doesn't want photos up, that's up to her. Her tone wasn't great though!

coconutpie · 09/07/2016 17:26

YABVVVVU to post pics of someone else's DC on Facebook - even if it's just feet in the pic. Why did you think it was ok? It's really poor form to do so.

WalkingZed · 09/07/2016 17:30

What are the dangers of posting pictures of your children on social media? Serious question.

I have a few pictures of my children on Facebook but always feel I shouldn't yet I don't know why!

branofthemist · 09/07/2016 17:32

It's not about danger for some people. It's about privacy.

Some people don't want their kids on social media. Their call to make really.

If other people are posting them, there is no control over who sees them.

Natsku · 09/07/2016 17:37

Overreaction on her part but I expect its for the same reason that others have said - to have a clear line so there's no debating about grey areas.

FuzzyOwl · 09/07/2016 17:45

I think you were being unreasonable to post the pictures and completely understand where your SIL is coming from. I also can't believe that you were unaware of her no social media/FB rule as you must have noticed no photographs of her child in the two years she has had her.

gamerchick · 09/07/2016 17:47

Maybe they're special feet...

FuzzyOwl · 09/07/2016 17:51

WalkingZed I have heard of people copying pictures and using them to pass off as their own child or for their own purposes. I have never known anyone it has happened to, although I have done with scan photographs. I suppose part of the issue of privacy is the fact that as a parent you can choose so many things for your child but an uploaded photograph is always on the internet (no one should be naive enough to think that deleting it gets rid of it) and with photoshop today, that child's face can be superimposed onto anything. You also run the risk of times when SS etc are involved revealing a child's location or identity. Mainly though, I think it is a parenting choice in the same way some parents decide their child eats a certain thing, they decide what is and isn't published for the world to see.

I have to admit to being very glad that social media wasn't around when I was a child because pictures my parents have of me that they think are cute, could be ones I think of as awful and would be really embarrassed by - especially if friends or employers saw them.

BengalCatMum · 09/07/2016 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerchick · 09/07/2016 17:55

Can you edit the picture and scribble the feet out then upload it again? I don't think I could resist.

FuzzyOwl · 09/07/2016 18:10

BengalCatMum how would you feel if you were in the background of a wedding picture and it was the most unflattering shot imaginable of you or one where your dress had come down/ridden up or just something you were generally unhappy with - surely you would expect the poster to either have the manners to check before uploading it or to take it down when asked and think they were unreasonable not to. I know it is different to feet but the SIL clearly has made it clear that her child's pictures are not to go on social media and the op has disregarded this.

ElspethFlashman · 09/07/2016 18:29

Two of my friends had babies over the last week and both had posted photos of the babies on FB within an hour of birth.

One of them has an older child who has had their photo posted literally every week of its life and I expect this new one will be no different.

Is it any wonder some other parents bemoan the lack of privacy given to kids these days?

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