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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my manager hinted that he thinks about me and wanks?

96 replies

RatherSheepish · 09/07/2016 15:11

I'm not a troll, honest. I've NCed a couple of times but that's it.

I started a new job a while ago and find my manager strangely attractive, although I have no intention of ever acting on this. We get on very well and I do sense that he finds me attractive too, although he's married.

We were recently out at team drinks and everyone was a bit tipsy. Manager and I got into a long discussion about relationships and temptation and what you do when you see someone you find desirable - do you admit you desire them, or do you immediately suppress that desire.

The conversation segued onto whether monogamy was a natural state - he said he didn't think it was for men and I said it probably wasn't for women either, but said it was great that he'd been with his wife 20 years without being tempted.

He then looked a bit sheepish and said it wasn't that he'd never been tempted, and that that all went back to suppressing desire for other people and that's why masturbation is so great as its a very effective tool for dealing with this desire!

Now until recently I worked in sexual health, so conversations about sex and sexuality are very normal for me - perhaps a bit too normal, I do recognise that. But the overriding impression I got was that he is attracted to me and thinks about me when he knocks one out

Since that evening he's been slightly friendlier to me, nothing sleazy, but definitely friendlier. Even my colleagues are saying they've known him for years but never seen him as animated as he was with me at the pub that evening.

I'm going to have to find a new job aren't I?

OP posts:

Just5minswithDacre · 09/07/2016 15:13

Well that was stupid.

Uptownfuckuup · 09/07/2016 15:14

why the hell are you talking about things like that with your manager ???

and no i don't think he gave that impression, he gave the impression that he wanks ......

handslikecowstits · 09/07/2016 15:15

Agree with Just but also I don't understand how you've got from: He then looked a bit sheepish and said it wasn't that he'd never been tempted, and that that all went back to suppressing desire for other people and that's why masturbation is so great as its a very effective tool for dealing with this desire to thinking he masturbates about you.

Have you left some info out?

Halftheworldaway · 09/07/2016 15:16

Lol

Just5minswithDacre · 09/07/2016 15:16

You both had an inappropriate conversation. He might or might not have been hinting at something.

Put it down to booze and forget it.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 09/07/2016 15:16

Did you know the manager before? If not, how do you know that he's been faithful for 20 years?

I think your comment was odd, it was a general discussion and you made it about him. He then reflected that with his comments about masturbation. He could well have been implying that he masturbates over you but I wouldn't have taken that from his comment - we lack his tone and background, though.

Do you want there to be chemistry between you? He's married so anything that happened would be bad, and sleeping with the boss is a bad career move anyway, but is there a bit of you that is enjoying it? There's an excitement in your post. If that's true, moving jobs sooner rather than later might be wise, just to avoid temptation.

DeathStare · 09/07/2016 15:17

It could be that he is attracted to you. Equally it could be that you were both drunk and your professional boundaries were demolished. Either way it was inappropriate by both of you.

If you want to continue having a work relationship you need to stop thinking about it and make sure those professional boundaries stay in place.

ElspethFlashman · 09/07/2016 15:18

You started a new job, got pissed with your boss and talked about "temptation"??

Staggeringly poor professional judgement.

happypoobum · 09/07/2016 15:18

Your boss sounds like a total knob. Completely unprofessional.

I have a crush on my boss and I think it's reciprocated. He is married. We have somehow managed to conduct ourselves in a way that precludes us from talking about our sex lives and whether or not we would have affairs. We don't discuss anything personal, it really isn't difficult.

Yes, I think you should get a new job and think about developing professional boundaries in future.

WorraLiberty · 09/07/2016 15:19

I think you've added 2+2 and come up with 5 to be honest.

He's basically saying he sometimes fantasizes over other women when he masturbates.

That's a completely common thing, just as many women fantasize over other men when they masturbate.

If you end up needing to find a new job, it'll probably be more to do with the fact you're having personal and inappropriate conversations with your married boss, because you fancy him.

NotYoda · 09/07/2016 15:19

Your perception of what normal conversations with work colleagues (let alone managers) are very very skewed.

He was hitting on you and you went along with it. You need to step away very firmly now

feckity · 09/07/2016 15:20

I can see how you can get that, as long as you assume the whole conversation was you both talking about your mutual desire but pretending it was hypothetical. I have no idea if that's what was in his mind, but it was clearly in yours, so perhaps a new job is a good idea...

WorraLiberty · 09/07/2016 15:20

Your boss sounds like a total knob. Completely unprofessional.

As does the OP.

NotYoda · 09/07/2016 15:21

And people are already talking about the pair of you, and you let them

Noonesfool · 09/07/2016 15:21

If your feelings are reciprocated, you're blatantly going to end up having an affair with him.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 09/07/2016 15:22

Bloody hell I wouldn't imagine talking like this with my boss and yes I've seen him naked in my dreams.... For me it sounds you fancy him! You know chats like these are trouble...

NotYoda · 09/07/2016 15:22

Also

It's not accidental that you got into this conversation when you were both drunk

You fancy each other

mylovegoesdown · 09/07/2016 15:23

Don't have conversations with your married manager (that you find attractive) about 'temptation'.

Just don't.

FairNotFair · 09/07/2016 15:23

Staggeringly inappropriate on so many levels

acasualobserver · 09/07/2016 15:23

I don't think you need to leave your job but I wouldn't attend any more work drink outings for a while. When you do go out again with the team, avoid getting tipsy
and having long, intimate chats with your manager.

ElspethFlashman · 09/07/2016 15:24

Of course he's being friendlier to you than anyone else. The others don't talk about being tempted whilst in a relationship!!!

He thinks he's in with a chance if he plays his cards right.

I think you've been very very naive.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 09/07/2016 15:26

I think you've been very very naive.
I wouldn't bet on that, from where I'm sitting it seems OP played a big part to what was said

NotYoda · 09/07/2016 15:26

Also

He's probably has affairs/emotional affairs before.

You don't get into discussions about monogamy masturbation with new single female colleagues if you aren't testing the water

ElspethFlashman · 09/07/2016 15:26

Everyone is watching the two of you like hawks now. Don't you think they were all peeping over whilst the two of you were having this sexual tension filled conversation on the night out? Do you think nobody twigged the tone of the conversation?

CrazyDuchess · 09/07/2016 15:26

"Although he is married"

That should have been the very first thing you mentioned!

Incredibly inappropriate of both you and him OP!

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