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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my manager hinted that he thinks about me and wanks?

96 replies

RatherSheepish · 09/07/2016 15:11

I'm not a troll, honest. I've NCed a couple of times but that's it.

I started a new job a while ago and find my manager strangely attractive, although I have no intention of ever acting on this. We get on very well and I do sense that he finds me attractive too, although he's married.

We were recently out at team drinks and everyone was a bit tipsy. Manager and I got into a long discussion about relationships and temptation and what you do when you see someone you find desirable - do you admit you desire them, or do you immediately suppress that desire.

The conversation segued onto whether monogamy was a natural state - he said he didn't think it was for men and I said it probably wasn't for women either, but said it was great that he'd been with his wife 20 years without being tempted.

He then looked a bit sheepish and said it wasn't that he'd never been tempted, and that that all went back to suppressing desire for other people and that's why masturbation is so great as its a very effective tool for dealing with this desire!

Now until recently I worked in sexual health, so conversations about sex and sexuality are very normal for me - perhaps a bit too normal, I do recognise that. But the overriding impression I got was that he is attracted to me and thinks about me when he knocks one out Confused

Since that evening he's been slightly friendlier to me, nothing sleazy, but definitely friendlier. Even my colleagues are saying they've known him for years but never seen him as animated as he was with me at the pub that evening.

I'm going to have to find a new job aren't I?

OP posts:
NotYoda · 09/07/2016 15:27

monogamy and masturbation

WorraLiberty · 09/07/2016 15:29

Yes I agree

I think the OP is far from naive

ElspethFlashman · 09/07/2016 15:29

Another perhaps you're right if she immediately jumps to "he's fantasising about me, isn't he?"

VikingVolva · 09/07/2016 15:36

He must have a very low opinion of you to treat you in such an unprofessional way.

Unless there are overwhelming reasons to stay, i's start job hunting now.

Because you're very unlikely to be taken seriously in your career by him after this.

SuperFlyHigh · 09/07/2016 15:37

You fancy each other.

This is very inappropriate behaviour especially in a new job.

He has probably had affairs.

I agree with Worra I think you're far from naive.

What you should do now unless you want to change jobs (is doable after a short period of time) is back off NOW, no engaging with him after work, during work etc. You are kind of making more of a drama about this than there needs to be but it sort of seems like you're encouraging the drama and attracting it.

At my workplace there's a new member of staff, male, single like me - attractive but not my type. He's looking for romance (he's said so) and I'm looking (I haven't said so and wouldn't say so). However I would never engage in sexual type flirting with him or even start a relationship in the office as I think that's unprofessional. A few members of staff have teased me about if I fancy him but I really don't, not my type, nice enough to talk to but not much apart from that.

EttaJ · 09/07/2016 15:38

Ugh why would you have that conversation with your boss! Your married boss at that. You clearly like the attention. How sad for you. How long have you been single?

SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys · 09/07/2016 15:42

You both sound v unprofessional and v immature.

MollyTwo · 09/07/2016 15:45

You sound desperate to make it sound like something totally not what you are thinking. Very inappropriate of both of you. Get a grip and behave yourself.

CamilleClaudel · 09/07/2016 15:46

We were recently out at team drinks and everyone was a bit tipsy. Manager and I got into a long discussion about relationships and temptation and what you do when you see someone you find desirable - do you admit you desire them, or do you immediately suppress that desire.

The conversation segued onto whether monogamy was a natural state - he said he didn't think it was for men and I said it probably wasn't for women either, but said it was great that he'd been with his wife 20 years without being tempted.

That's not naive, that's quite conscious flirtation in the guise of 'deep and meaningful discussion'. I doubt it fooled any of your colleagues, mind you. You sound about fifteen, thrilled that the cool boy in the gang really, really likes you, and all the others are talking. Grow up, OP.

Just5minswithDacre · 09/07/2016 15:48

I love a bit of AIBU consensus Smile

CamilleClaudel · 09/07/2016 15:48

And honestly, most teenagers have got over being titillate at the idea of being someone's wank fodder.

Rrross1ges · 09/07/2016 15:51

I think you must really love yourself to think he's wanking over you

And obviously he is loving himself. Frequently.

TheyOnceSaid · 09/07/2016 15:54
Hmm
AnotherTimeMaybe · 09/07/2016 15:56

I think you must really love yourself to think he's wanking over you

GrinGrinGrin
I think the reason for the thread was for us to say "yes he fancies you!!!!!"

Noonesfool · 09/07/2016 15:57

...lalalala you should go 'n love yourself"

Noonesfool · 09/07/2016 15:59

Dammit, gave myself an ear worm

SuperFlyHigh · 09/07/2016 16:01

Very interesting just checked OP's previous threads and there are two (one in April) where she says she fancies her manager and how to make herself stop fancying him and another one re inappropriate behaviour at work where she talks about licking his face I think... am sure that one was this month.

She obviously fancies the arse off him and wants an affair and wants MN to say "it's ok dear, go ahead". If anyones interested she's got a DP and DC as well.

NotYoda · 09/07/2016 16:02

Ah, so OP you are manoeuvring yourself into place

Stop now!

ElspethFlashman · 09/07/2016 16:06

Oh bleeeuuurgh superfly

APlaceOnTheCouch · 09/07/2016 16:07

He didn't relate his comment to you. You did. And you seem to be quite hopeful that he was thinking about you whilst he 'knocks one out' as you put it. Confused
You can possibly salvage a professional relationship out of this but only if you're focused and put firm boundaries back in place.
Actually, I'm not sure you can do that so if you can't trust yourself to not become office gossip and potentially cause problems in two marriages, then start looking for another job.

Goingtobeawesome · 09/07/2016 16:07

New approach to I couldn't help it honest affair Hmm.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 09/07/2016 16:09

You clearly started this thread as a method of MN perpetuating your sordid office flirtations/crush. What do you want MN to do? Validate your hopes that your married manager fancies you?

ilovesooty · 09/07/2016 16:09

Do you have any professional boundaries or judgement?

DampSqid · 09/07/2016 16:10

yuk, how sleazy.

If you want to ruin your relationship with your DP then you are heading in the right direction. Getting drunk and talking about sex with your boss is childish and cringe'y.

mylovegoesdown · 09/07/2016 16:11

I guarantee people at work are talking about how transparent you are in making a play for your boss and thinking it's all a bit seedy and sad since you're both married.

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