Really disappointed in DS's Yr 6 teacher...

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I'm probably going to get a lot of YABU but that's ok. I just want to rant a bit.

It is DS's Birthday so he brought in some sweets like all the kids do. However there is a child who has been really nasty to DS throughout the whole year (violently). To the point that DS had to be educated at home for a month. It's all a very long story. He absolutely didn't want to give this boy a sweet. I assumed he wouldn't have to? His teacher said he wouldn't be allowed to give his sweets out if he wasn't going to give to all the children. My DS said that he wouldn't give the sweets out. I thought that was fair enough. But then his teacher seemed to pester him about how that wasn't really fair as the class had got excited about getting sweets and he had taken that away from them. DS said he would give them the sweets outside of the school gates so she confiscated them and said he won't be and that "considering the year he has had, she is surprised by the way he is deciding to treat somebody" no. no. no. no! that's really unreasonable in my opinion, this isn't some poor little boy who my DS is deciding to exclude, this is the child that violently attacked my son many times throughout the year and couldn't give a shit about it as he kept doing it repeatedly. She also wouldn't let him hand out his part invites in her classroom as he was the only boy not invited... But also wouldn't give him the invites back (they have to give them to the teacher at the start of the day). I'm just absolutely appalled. Is it me, or is this not exactly fair?

It is the fact that you and your son seem set on antagonising the bully now that is making me wonder what has gone on before. Of course it may be as black and white that this child is out of control and the school are inept. I assume you complained about the way the school has handled the bullying. What did the governors say? have worked in a lot of schools and have never known a child be hospitalised 3 times by an aggressive child before being excluded.

So you took your child for x-rays. We're they actually injured? Hospitalised to me would indicate a hospital stay?

I'd love to know when all this 'bleating', 'pressurising' 'persisting' 'confiscating' etc took place. As someone up thread said, sometimes there's no time to have a wee let alone carry on a dialogue all day about something irrelevant (from the teacher's point of view that is)

OP I have no wish to upset you. As I said, bullying sucks.

But whatever the school has done has changed the child who was bullying your son's behaviour from "aggressive attacks" to "occasional nasty comments" (forgive me if I have mis quoted slightly" - not perfect, but a big improvement. You may not know what has happened behind the scenes to effect this change.

Maybe because of this, trust that the teacher made her decision for the best reasons?

The teacher was correct to not allow your ds to exclude one child in this way. She was correct to hold onto the sweets and invitations until the end of the day. However, at the end of the day they should have been handed back with instructions that they were not to be given out at all in school property. Ideally direct to a parent if at all possible.

Did your ds ask for them back at the end of the day and have it refused? Or did they both forget at the end of the day?

Tbh as soon as your ds told you that he intended to exclude one child - for whatever reason that may be - you should have realised that that couldn't happen in school, and not allowed him to take them into school at all. You should have told him it wasn't going to be possible at school so he could take them in and give to all, or that you'd bring them at the end of the day for him to give out outside of the school gates.

The ops ds could be a victim of bullying and the school are inept or the op could be crying bullying when that's not actually what's going on and the school are dealing with it fine. Both situations exist. My kids have sustained injuries playing that have involved bumped heads/x rays etc that have necessitated me taking them to hospital. I wouldn't accuse their classmates of having hospitalised them.

Given the history, it was wrong to send your child into school with invitations and sweets for all but one child. It was obvious the school could not collude in this. It was also wrong of the teacher to nag your child and then refuse to let him have the invitations and sweets back. However inconvenient for you, the invitations should have been distributed outside of school time and the sweets not handed out at all until the party.

Whatever teachers are paid its not enough. Having to deal with this stuff day in day out - I couldn't do it

bumsexatthebingo - no I didn't complain about the way the school handled it, as ultimately I was told they were doing everything they could, but just encouraged me not to get the police involved, when he was being home tutored, the people who dealt with that knew how the school had handled it (by what I was saying) and never said anything about it being how they shouldn't. Unbelievable, so the tests isn't enough no? He was admitted to a ward 2/3 times, injuries were soft tissue tissue injury near the spine, bruised lung and the 3rd time it was an X-Ray of his finger, which was fractured.

BillSykesDog - why do you seem to not be happy or willing accept that my son might actually be a victim? He is close to everyone in his class, I said he was a shy child. Which is when the bullying started. He is now rather confident after lots of work and is definitely close to his whole year, some closer than others, but still talks to all of them. I don't think the boy does have SN, but would the school tell me if he does? Either way, it doesn't make it right.

In that case op why on earth have you just accepted that the school are doing all they can? I would have my child out of there and my complaint would be going as high up as possible. You seem more concerned about sweets being confiscated than the fact the school aren't protecting your son???? That's me done anyway. I expect this thread will be going poof shortly....

Of course teaching staff are concerned even with things that happen outside of school. The job isn't one which stops at the school gates at 3:30. The teacher absolutely has to have the welfare of every single child in their care. They cannot be seen to condone any such behave. This teacher knew absolutely that another child in her care would be excluded, therefore she couldn't just ignore it I'm afraid.

Op - In the first post you say you were aware that he intended to exclude a single child and you say you assume that's would be okay. Why on earth would you make such an assumption?? You needed to act there and then and not have the situation occur at all in school.

Oh - and others, please remember that class teachers rarely have the power to make temporary or permanent school exclusions, or more significant reprimands. That lies with management. The class teacher deals with the whole class and every child in the class must be treated with care. It is the teachers role to deal with every day issues but the bigger stuff will be passed on and dealt with at a higher level / or should be. You'll find sometimes the teachers themselves are annoyed, upset or frustrated with situations but they still can't be seen to exclude any child in class in this kind of way.

I agree that the teacher hasn't acted in the best way possible and that not returning the sweets and invites is bizarre, however you simply can't exclude one child either from classroom sweets or from party invites. Surely it would encourage the bullying to get worse.

DS is autistic and has been bullied several times at school, in fact it was so bad at our previous school (with the school refused to acknowledge that it was even happening) that we moved him elsewhere. He's been bullied again at his current school but they have been far more supportive. Wherever he goes he is the child (or one of a few children) who gets missed off the party list, and it hurts him and it hurts me. For his birthday this year he wanted to invite everyone except the bully - but I simply couldn't see how this was a good idea. Surely it would make the bullying worse. He's in Y4 now so it seemed fine to invite a small group, which we did, via text - rather than drawing attention to the guest list by handing out invites at school. He gave out cakes in class on his actual birthday and told the bully in a loud voice in front of everyone that he wouldn't be getting one. But this type of exclusion is simply not OK, whatever the back story. The teacher and his 1:1 LSA spoke to DS about the importance of sharing with everyone, and in fact since the bully has received his piece of cake the situation between them has improved a little. DS is not an angel and tbh I suspect they wind each other up rather that it being completely one-sided.

Due to DS's SEN I have a lot to do with our LA's SEN and Admission teams, and I'm genuinely puzzled that in the OP's case the LA hasn't excluded the bully from the school or offered to move the OP's child. OP, I hope you and your DS can have a happier summer and he gets on well at his future school (assuming he's moving to secondary now).

And yes, you must chase school over such incidents with your child. It does look like the school management is ineffective in dealing with the situation. Push to have your son protected from further injuries and damage (physically and emotionally.) I wouldn't just sit and accept they are doing all they can if my child was being hospitalised - you need to keep asking/pushing. You won't be told about the boys situation or even what is happening to him, but you do need to know how they will protect your child.

If they were completely unprovoked attacks rather than boisterous play gone wrong then I wouldn't give two hoots what the school said the police would be involved.

I have, on many occasions, encouraged parents to talk to the police.
It's not either/or - the police often work alongside us to resolve situations.

OP. I think if your son took sweets in to share the condition discussed between the two of you would be to give one out to the bullying child. The teacher could have done this, and in his heart your son ip knows he is only doing this as the school rule.
I am so sorry for your sone to have been bullied in school where he should be safe and for you to have to see him go through this.
I hope he has a good start in secondary school and the other child is not in the same school.
All the best to you both

And if they weren't given out, they should have been given to you or him at home time..if need be, they could have called you.