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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

girl in boys changing room. wibu to speak to coach.

104 replies

Madeyemoodysmum · 08/07/2016 14:05

I'm prepared to be flamed but this has been bothering me for a few weeks now so I wanted to get some views

My DD and ds swim and we have separate changing areas. I leave dd aged 10 to sort herself out and I help ds aged 8 in the boys

They are children's lessons so no adults changing at all many other mums and dads are present in the boys but it's just women in the girls unless boys are under 8.

Anyway to get to the point it's all boys changing in the boys except one girl who is clearly in the throws of puberty. She has very definite signs. It's her dad who brings her in and he gives her no privacy at all. Last week she was covering herself with her arms. I feel so awful for her. I would not expect my DD to change in the boys at that age. Dad seems oblivious. Would it be totally out of order to say something to the coach. I don't think any of the boys have noticed but there are also men in there and I'm not for a moment suggesting they are looking but the girl is clearly uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Jasonandyawegunorts · 08/07/2016 15:00

I don't make the club rules. I wasn't expecting such an attack so I'm going to ask for this thread to be removed.

It's not an attack, You've suddenly added that this girl is 10, a fact that has come out of no where.
How do you know this?

DotForShort · 08/07/2016 15:04

Yes, it would be totally out of order for you to involve yourself in this matter.

But I do think the club has very odd rules. Why are adult women in the men's changing room at all? I have no issue with changing rooms open to all, but if they are designated as men's and women's, the club should enforce those designations.

Egosumquisum · 08/07/2016 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleDaisies · 08/07/2016 15:06

I wasn't expecting such an attack so I'm going to ask for this thread to be removed.

You can't just have threads deleted because people didn't agree with you. If you are finding the responses upsetting just hide it.

Rumpelstiltskin143 · 08/07/2016 15:06

Agree, no adults should be in the wrong sex changing rooms.

Fanfeck · 08/07/2016 15:06

Why are you in the men's?

Egosumquisum · 08/07/2016 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MonkeysWAGMug · 08/07/2016 15:10

Daisies I agree with you about thread deletions in this case, but it seems that HQ will now delete anything if an OP requests it. Contrary to it says in Talk Guidelines.

PurpleDaisies · 08/07/2016 15:10

If ever a situation was made for MN, this was it. It has everything.

All it needs for the icing on the cake is some twit suggesting the dad take the daughter into the disabled toilet instead.

Felascloak · 08/07/2016 15:12

Where are all these bizarre changing room stories coming from at the moment? This sounds like the one with the dad in the ladies changing room yesterday.
You definitely shouldn't be getting your son changed in the boys if you are female. Imo the girl would be better in the ladies but if you want to say something you would be better addressing the dad than the coach. That's just passing the buck to someone else to sort out.

lazymum99 · 08/07/2016 15:14

This is the weirdest changing situation I have ever heard of. There should be no-one over the age of 8 in the wrong gender changing room. Most 10 year old girls uncomfortable with this situation would take themselves off to the toilet cubicle to get changed. Please don't say there are no toilets.

Also, although she should not be in the men's changing, we all got to an age where even in the same sex changing you didn't feel particularly comfortable with no cubicles. Personally, I remember getting very skilful at drying and changing with the towel permanently around me.

PurpleDaisies · 08/07/2016 15:19

Where are all these bizarre changing room stories coming from at the moment?

Indeed. If the op hadn't been around for ages I'd wonder if the daily mail were fishing...

Javabeansaintgeorge · 08/07/2016 15:19

I take all my children in the ladies. one has ASD and needs lots of assistance.

PurpleDaisies · 08/07/2016 15:22

If you're a woman java I don't think anyone would have a problem with that (while your other children are too young to change unsupervised in the men's changing room). I'm assuming you have at least one boy!

Jasonandyawegunorts · 08/07/2016 15:24

you'd be suprised on the comments i have got Java

Jasonandyawegunorts · 08/07/2016 15:26

Obviously for disabled changing room use not going into the ladies. Smile

paxillin · 08/07/2016 15:35

I don't think MN delete threads on the OP's say so, OP.

Javabeansaintgeorge · 08/07/2016 15:37

Yes I'm female purple one of my boys is of borderline age, tween
I've been lucky and not had comments JasonAndyawegunorts.

SoupDragon · 08/07/2016 15:41

WTF is wrong with people?

The OP says that "many other mums and dads are present in the boys" so it is not just her. She has noticed that the girl in there seems embarrassed to be there and self conscious and wondered if something should be said.

I also can't believe that someone questioned Andrewofgg about his wish not to have girls in the male changing room either changing themselves or whilst he was changing! What a bloody stupid thing to question - had he been a woman not wanting boys in the female changing room that question would not have been asked.

I despair.

NavyAndWhite · 08/07/2016 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fedupoftheheat · 08/07/2016 16:26

soupdragon I agree with you.

SoupDragon · 08/07/2016 16:34

OP are you female

Given they say there are "many other mums and dads" in the boys changing, it's somewhat irrelevant. However, if their user name is anything to go by they are female.

DotForShort · 08/07/2016 16:39

So let me get this straight. The club's rules are as follows:

Women in boys' changing area: A-O.K.
Men in girls' changing area: verboten.

For whatever reason, the girl's father has decided he needs to be present while she changes (just as the OP has chosen to do with her son). Presumably, he knows her better than the OP does, so he is best placed to make this decision. He can't go into the girls' area, so he takes her to the boys'.

I think the club should alter this bizarre system. But it sounds as though this guy is trying to comply with the rules while still helping his DD.

Egosumquisum · 08/07/2016 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kenduskeag · 08/07/2016 16:43

Why can't these kids dress/undress themselves?

If the girl is old enough to have reached puberty, she's old enough to say 'Dad I'll go in the ladies'. Maybe she doesn't want to. Maybe it's none of your business.

Find cubicles if all this nudity complexity bothers you.