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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really angry at the letter received from nursery?

127 replies

Pinkbabe1 · 06/07/2016 17:40

DD goes to nursery twice a week, mornings only and I collect her at 12.30

Today I was 6 mins late picking her up as my son had a massive shite explosion 5 mins before we were due to set off and it took me a while to clean him up, hence being 6 mins late. This is the first time it has happened in the whole time she has been there apart from when my son was first born and I told them on dropping her off I would be late collecting as he had his injections (was told no problem)

Anyway, got to the door and was promptly handed a letter to which i read when I got home. It was a "late collection policy" letter which basically said that for every minute you are late collecting there will be a £1 charge in future - fair enough. However it then went on to say that as I had been persistently late (!) this could be considered neglect and abandonment in extreme cases!!! I was absolutely flabbergasted and immediately emailed the nursery. I am yet to receive a response.

I have since spoken to another parent at the nursery who said they received the same letter after being 2 mins late to collect their daughter, therefore a generic letter.

AIBU to think this is really a harsh thing to put in a letter?! I don't think it was at all necessary but maybe I'm wrong and this is normal?!?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkbabe1 · 08/07/2016 08:18

Bestthingever - I'm just saying it was 12.30 because other posts were saying it was at the end of the day and the nursery had closed etc. Jesus Christ - do people not read things on here or do they always jump to conclusions

OP posts:
Oliviaerinpope · 08/07/2016 08:24

Children's services don't have time to assess late parents unless there are associated concerns.

That letter is ridiculous.

AgentPineapple · 08/07/2016 08:27

But it's not as if OP was deliberately late, I'm sure all mums have experienced the last minute explosive poo, she was only 6 minutes late and has never been late before aside from one pre agreed time where her DS was having jags. She has already said she has no issue with the charge, it's the tone of the letter. They can't accuse her of abandonment and neglect, more than that, they did it in a letter when they could have spoken to her first. I'm sure it is very frustrating having to wait an extra 6 minutes before you can go for your lunch but that does not warrant the mention or threat of social services. My sons nursery also charged £1 per minute for lateness, and it was in the t&cs when we first joined that persistent lateness could mean your child losing their place. There were a few occasions where I was not late, but dead on 6pm when the nursery shuts and my son was the only one there and the staff had shut up and we're all standing about with their jackets on waiting for me. An apology was acceptable enough and on the one occasion I was late they didn't make a fuss.

DailyMailEthicalFail · 08/07/2016 08:37

Now it has been made clear that the SS ref in the letter is clearly an empty threat, I think it is more than ridiculous I think it is wicked, actually.

I'd find a different provider.
Life if tough enough without some idiot threatening SS with no basis.

pspc and OP Thanks

Sassyzen · 08/07/2016 09:02

I am on the committee board of our community nursery, and we have a £50 after being 10 mins late policy, unless in extreme cases and where given notice. I'm afraid we have had to resort to this, as (not you) but many other parents don't care about the £1 per minute late, and take liberties. They see the nursery as cheap babysitting and would happily pay out £1/min to get to the nursery at their leisure. In saying that though, we sent the letter out on the off and we have a three strikes policy, so it wouldn't have happened in your case. Don't be offended... it's just a standard for all because nursery staff have a home and children to get home to as well. It was just so it doesn't become a habit, I'm sure.

Sassyzen · 08/07/2016 09:06

DailyMailEthicalFail: I don't agree with you and I don't know about where you live, but were we live, we don't have the luxury to resort to another nursery. One is VERY lucky to get into a nursery at all...

DailyMailEthicalFail · 08/07/2016 09:37

Sassyzen

well, we can agree to disagree, certainly.

I don't think 'one is VERY lucky to get into a nursery' that dishonestly threatens SS involvement when it seems agreed it is an empty threat.

If you are a nursery and you have parents who blatantly ignore the contract then you give notice, then terminate it. If there are so many parents queuing for places it wont be a problem to fill them will it?

If that is not the case then yes, it is dishonest at best to threaten parents with SS. Personally I think it is wicked and if I were working in SS and I knew a local nursery was doing this I would be more than irritated that my Profession was being namechecked as a way of getting parents to not be 3 minutes late (fee or not).

It's quite quite wrong.

Sassyzen · 08/07/2016 09:45

DailyMailEthicalFail - then I think the answer is simply, DON'T BE LATE? I have never been late. Not once.

AgentPineapple · 08/07/2016 09:46

Agree Daily I wouldn't use a nursery that made threats like that, empty or not

AgentPineapple · 08/07/2016 09:47

Sassy sometime it can't be helped, in OPs situation for instance, how can you account for that?

DailyMailEthicalFail · 08/07/2016 11:28

Sassyzen
I wouldn't want the stress of knowing that if I was late - even for a few minutes on one occasion - not only would I pay a fine (fair enough) but I'd be dishonestly threatened with SS. Ridiculous and dishonest of them.

There is no justification whatsoever.' Tis nonsense on stilts.

Original poster
Pinkbabe1 · 08/07/2016 11:35

Just to update - I've since received an apology from the nursery. The nursery staff are told to issue all late parents with this letter regardless. However they did apologise as they said they should have used some discretion considering the circumstances in which I was late, but was just doing as they have been instructed.

OP posts:
Sassyzen · 08/07/2016 11:46

Pinkbabe1 - I am pleased to hear it. I don't think any nursery intentionally upsets parents... ultimately these procedures and letters are to stop the few that like I said, take advantage.

Girlgonewild · 08/07/2016 11:47

Just as well.
Also I can see a parent in a contact dispute with their spouse on a divorce using a letter like that as part of their evidence that the other parent is guilty of neglect of the child. It is very nasty thing to have hanging over you out that that a nursery thinks you are guilty of criminal neglect and potentially could be jailed and just because you are a few minutes late. I realise nursery workers are very low paid and should not be kept waiting of course and have no problems with agreed fines (I charge for my time at work too) but it's the lie that it is criminal neglect that is wrong. It is almost a form of actionable libel perhaps to send such letters out if others will see or read them.

Bestthingever · 08/07/2016 12:16

Op yes I have RTFT and it seems to me that you think it's not as bad to be late in the middle of the day as the end. I was simply pointing out to you that it will still cause inconvenience to the nursery staff. There's no need to be so bloody aggressive with people.

DailyMailEthicalFail · 08/07/2016 12:19

Pinkbabe1 glad you got an apology. who 'instructed' them tho, did they say? ie does this originate from top of nursery or elsewhere?

Girlgonewild - Yy. This is what some posters are not comprehending. It is not a case of 'intentionally upsetting parents or not. It is a case of wilfully misrepresenting someone neglecting their children and threatening SS. This could have far reaching consequences involving legal action. I think the Nursery needs to be very careful legally with what they put in writing.

VelvetSpoon · 08/07/2016 12:48

I agree the letter is deliberately inflammatory and misleadinh. Glad you got an apology.

To the poster who is 'never late' Hmm. In the unlikely event you're not bullshitting, I'll take a guess you either don't work, or work in the nursery your DC attends. Because there is no way aside from good luck that you could be never have been more than a minute late. For example:

-You're meant to finish work at 5. You're in a meeting which doesn't finish til 5.15, so you don't leave the office til 5.20. You have a 45 min commute, so will be unavoidably late for 6pm pickup;
-Same scenario but you leave at 5, all trains are cancelled/ delayed for 30 mins plus. Or if you travel by car the roads are gridlocked and you sit in non moving traffic for an hour;
-You're involved in or witness an accident;
-Your car breaks down;
-Like the OP your baby needs changing or is sick just as you leave for collection.

I could go on, there are countless more ways and it's simply impossible to guard against all of them. Lateness happens. As,such, fining people is acceptable. Making unfounded threats is very definitely not. Whoever drafted that letter should be ashamed of themselves.

Original poster
Pinkbabe1 · 08/07/2016 12:51

Where have I been aggressive @besthingever? Hmm Slight over reaction. I don't think it's ok to turn up late at all, hence why I have always had good timekeeping in the past, hence why I ran to the gates to try and get there as quickly as possible. Hopefully that has now made it clear, not sure how else I can spell it out really.

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 08/07/2016 14:31

Pinkbabe1 did they say who instructed them to give it our? Are they a chain?

AgentPineapple · 08/07/2016 14:50

Does sound very much like pass the buck....

Original poster
Pinkbabe1 · 08/07/2016 19:25

They just said that they were told by the manager to give out the letters. No not a chain, quite a small nursery. By the sounds of it they had repeat offenders and are getting sick of it, but I still made my point clear that the letter needed to be reworded

OP posts:
bellie710 · 08/07/2016 22:23

YANBU I have used various nurseries where the charge is £1 a minute for being late which is not an issue as I have worked as a nanny before and parents being late on a regular basis is very annoying. However accusing you of neglect etc is ridiculous, regardless of how many times you are late the child is in nursery which is staffed by professional so your child is always cared for. I would definitely complain about that!

Sassyzen · 11/07/2016 12:02

VelvetSpoon - err... that would be me, who you are referring to and I assure you that I don't need to bullshit.

I have never been late collecting my daughter for Nursery. She's only been going full time 1 year and 2 months - so it's really not that amazing, but I standby my belief that there should be no reason to be late. I agreed with my employer to start at 8am so that I can finish at 5pm to pickup my daughter by 6pm. I never agree to start any meetings after 3pm and in the one instance the meeting was looking as though it was going to go past 5pm, I simply excused myself and finished the meeting the next day. Another time when the tube was on strike, I had to get a cab, Borris bike it, and then grab a second cab just to make it, but besides that I also made two contacts in my local area so that I have two plan Bs - either the other parent, or my neighbour would collect her in an emergency. Thankfully it hasn't come to that yet, but you can quite frankly go do one on yourself because I'm a proud, forward planning, full-time working mother. Don't presume anything about me. It shouldn't be too difficult to not be late mostly, if planning and efforts are made. Our Nursery accepts a 3 strikes policy on emergency lateness before our fines are imposed and I believe that this is completely fair and more than enough.

AgentPineapple · 12/07/2016 08:23

Sassy you are lucky that you have plan Bs, a lot of people just don't have that. A lot of people also can't agree different working times with their employer or say no to meetings. When my son was at nursery I had no other support to rely on and a shit employer, as did my DH. We drove to and from work as this was the only way we could drop our son off and make it in on time, and traffic on the way home sometimes meant that we were cutting it really fine. All I'm saying is your circumstances are probably less common, it's excellent that you were able to do all that, but a lot of people just can't.

DailyMailEthicalFail · 12/07/2016 23:45

Sassyzen
"Our Nursery accepts a 3 strikes policy on emergency lateness before our fines are imposed and I believe that this is completely fair and more than enough."

Yes. An entirely different situation than the OP is describing.

It is not you and your 'forward planning' that is 'different'.
It is the difference between a nursery that gives you 3 chances before even fining you and a nursery that, after 1 unadvised lateness, sends a letter threatening Social Services notification for Neglect.

All the difference in the world, whether you can see it or not.