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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really angry at the letter received from nursery?

127 replies

Pinkbabe1 · 06/07/2016 17:40

DD goes to nursery twice a week, mornings only and I collect her at 12.30

Today I was 6 mins late picking her up as my son had a massive shite explosion 5 mins before we were due to set off and it took me a while to clean him up, hence being 6 mins late. This is the first time it has happened in the whole time she has been there apart from when my son was first born and I told them on dropping her off I would be late collecting as he had his injections (was told no problem)

Anyway, got to the door and was promptly handed a letter to which i read when I got home. It was a "late collection policy" letter which basically said that for every minute you are late collecting there will be a £1 charge in future - fair enough. However it then went on to say that as I had been persistently late (!) this could be considered neglect and abandonment in extreme cases!!! I was absolutely flabbergasted and immediately emailed the nursery. I am yet to receive a response.

I have since spoken to another parent at the nursery who said they received the same letter after being 2 mins late to collect their daughter, therefore a generic letter.

AIBU to think this is really a harsh thing to put in a letter?! I don't think it was at all necessary but maybe I'm wrong and this is normal?!?!

OP posts:

Girlgonewild · 07/07/2016 18:12

Social services saying it is neglect to be 2 or 6 minutes late to collect a child says all you ever want to know about social services.

IAmAPaleontologist · 07/07/2016 18:18

Flipping heck I completely forgot to collect dd from nursery once and they just said that it happens to us all.

Scaredofschool · 07/07/2016 18:25

Interesting question.

What if you were due to collect your child at 12.30 and at 12.28 they had a poonami explosion and you were left waiting in reception whilst they cleaned your child. And you had somewhere to be.
Can you suggest ringing Ofsted because they were late?!

It was once and unavoidable. The letter is harsh and doesn't allow for common sense that unavoidable things happen.

My DS spent years in childcare. I was never later than closing but was often 15/20 minutes early to collect him but occasionally running in sweating in a panic because I was 5 minutes late.
They use to laugh at my panic!

Scaredofschool · 07/07/2016 18:26

Oh and btw the Ofsted thing was lighthearted - not seriously suggesting it! Just pointing out children and poonami explosions go hand in hand.

MiaowTheCat · 07/07/2016 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VelvetSpoon · 07/07/2016 18:46

Pspc that is horrendously stressful, poor you. Is there a childminder you could use instead? That nursery sound like wankbadgers of the highest order.

I get fining people if they're late. But it is surely not beyond the wit of man to understand that everyone occasionally will be late?! Even if you walk to nursery, you could have an accident or witness one, and if you use any form of public transport it is simply impossible to guarantee a timely arrival on each journey. I remember once it was snowing at work so we were sent home an hour early - I had to walk half the journey home, it took me over 2 hours so I was still late but luckily my CM was fine about it as were the DC who were making a snowman.

Threatening to report someone to SS if they are late, even if they have called to explain (train delays are easily verifiable if you think they're lying) is emotional blackmail and imho pretty despicable. Being entirely unable to contact parents or emergency contact regularly might be grounds but a few mins lateness when you've had the explanation is an empty threat. Don't nurseries think SS have enough to do?!

pspc · 07/07/2016 19:13

Dontyoulovecalpol unfortunately no...it's the only after school club that collects from my DS primary school (which doesn't have a after school club of its own). I've tried childminders but the only two that collect from his school are fully booked. So I'm left with daily anxiety.

OP if on the first instance you had paid for extra time you weren't late. Also what time does the mine if session end? Isn't it 1.30? If it is then technically you wouldn't be late.

squizita · 07/07/2016 19:19

It's interesting how many people have ignored the 3 people who run nurseries and have commented (saying the letter is OTT).

Of course us poor childcare workers need middle class MN to explain whats what TO us and FOR us like cleaners on MN.

OP just look at what the people who run nurseries say. The letter was daft. The CP threat was OTT. Yes persistent lateness can be a CP issue but once due to poo + once with notice is not persistent lateness.

squizita · 07/07/2016 19:21

Oh and by the way I wasn't dissing cleaners . I was referring to mn threads where cleaners are discussed, a cleaner comes on and says "well I think..." or "I regard myself as self employed..." and are roundly ignored by everyone.

Dontyoulovecalpol · 07/07/2016 19:42

Social services aren't saying that though girlgonewild the nursery are making it up to scare parents

Flibjibbet · 07/07/2016 20:02

The first time I was late for pick up I got a note to let me know that if I was late another 2 times I would be charged £20 each time. If it's over 20 minutes late they have to contact social services. As others have said these policies are in place so they don't break the child to staff ratio. They have to send a generic letter because if two people receive differently worded letters it might seem like one is being 'let off' which obviously isn't fair. Also they really don't have the time to sit down to personalise letters to each and every parent. It's the same in school.

Woolyheads · 07/07/2016 20:03

I've always wondered what the late policy was, but was too afraid to ask, so this would have been enlightening for me. But yes also infuriating. I am always deliberately 3 minutes early at pick up. It is maybe unfair that there is no matching give from their side, but I am a coward.

wingingit2 · 07/07/2016 20:03

So unreasonable of the nursery! Shocking action, way over the top!

Original poster

Pinkbabe1 · 07/07/2016 20:28

Can I just - I've got no issue with the charge. I think it's fair. It's the wording of the letter. Also, I think some of you are getting the wrong end of the stick in thinking I turned up after the nursery was closing. I pick up my daughter at lunchtime so 12.30

OP posts:

babypeach · 07/07/2016 20:32

I think that letter was OTT.

In my work I am often in a position of having to refer to SS. I have to very clearly spell out why I feel there is a need for their input and many times my requests are declined as they feel there is insufficient risk as their resources are so limited they cannot assess everyone we would like them to.
The idea that anyone would refer to ss with JUST lateness as a concern is bizarre to me.

OP like you said more than likely just a set letter but yes if I had received a letter like that in similar circumstances I would be a bit offended too!

YourNewspaperIsShit · 07/07/2016 20:45

I wouldn't worry about SS even if they were contacted, my DD's grandparents forgot her for 40mins (I was beside myself fuming) and SS couldn't have cared less

GabsAlot · 07/07/2016 21:10

but even if they think a standard letter is appropriate i really dont think saying numerous times and calling ss is helpful

they could have had a quiet word with op about it instead

ss havent got time for parents who are late

Notimefortossers · 07/07/2016 21:26

I think calpol is a disgruntled nursery worker :)

Dontyoulovecalpol · 07/07/2016 21:40

Ha ha ha ha yeah right. That couldn't be less likely

AgentPineapple · 07/07/2016 21:43

I would most definitely be pursuing the complaint over the accusation of neglect and abandonment. That is liable. I would also reconsider my nursery choices if I were you, that is outrageous. Not that I at all agree with the tone or content of the letter but they could have spoke to you rather than that. I'd be removing my child/money immediately

Coconut0il · 07/07/2016 22:20

I think the letter was a bit harsh and badly worded but I bet it was aimed at the parents who are always late. I work in a primary school not a nursery and we have a few children who are often left 20 minutes after the bell.
You know you've only been late once OP, don't worry about it, they've just given the same letter to everyone so no one can say they didn't know.

GladGran · 07/07/2016 22:20

Shouldn't Social Services be doing more important things. Responsible parents put their children into nurseries and get held up for all sorts of reasons - traffic, "explosive nappies" etc. So many poor children escape the system altogether and suffer.

Bestthingever · 08/07/2016 07:21

Op so what if it's 12.30? There are still staff/child ratios to think about if people are late because of the children coming in. Also there may be staff members waiting to go on their break.

TheSolitaryBoojum · 08/07/2016 07:28

I wish schools could charge, we'd have the budget deficits fixed in no time with enough left over for the children to have prime steak for lunch.

Bestthingever · 08/07/2016 07:34

Solitary! We have a child in our school who is picked up at 12pm once a week. Every week the mum is 10 minutes late. I have to stay with her. I'm dying for my lunch and it's eating into my break time. The head has told the mum off but there's nothing more we can do. I'd love to see her charged.

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