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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Finally stuck up for myself but now feel weird

108 replies

PanickingwithacapitalP · 05/07/2016 14:10

For years I've just kept my mouth shut around naricisstic dsis as the fallout is never worth it

Today I bit back. Maybe I shouldn't have but she really annoyed me. The conversation somehow got to dh having a gun. Now I'll be honest it's not something I really truly agree with but it's a hobby he's done it all properly (paperwork and locked away etc etc) most of the time he just goes with his family and it's target practice type stuff, occasionally shooting birds.

Dsis is vegetarian and has been really into animal welfare the last couple of years . She declared that my dh is this and that and having a gun is a "dickish" thing. Usually I'd say nothing but I said "actually it's his hobby whether you agree or not so do not call him that"

She lost her temper and was very passive aggressive. I reiterated why I was annoyed and she persisted so I reminded her what she did, loudly enough that the neighbours could hear (in garden) a few years ago after a fox killed her beloved pet to get the message home that she was being hypocritical

She stormed out. Now I just feel a bit rubbish as usually if she is challenged there are repercussions . I feel good I didnt just take it and act like a doormat but now I'm not sure about having said what i did ?
WIBU?

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 05/07/2016 14:39

Crazy on both sides
I would agree with her about the gun tbh. Cant see the fun in killing stuff for pleasure
However the thing with the tablets is beyond weird

Dutchcourage · 05/07/2016 14:40

Tbh it doesn't make her a hypocrite it makes her a psychopath!

KoalaDownUnder · 05/07/2016 14:40

Hang on, what...she did this not only once, which would be bad enough, but over a period of months? Several times??

What a fucking horrible person. Shock

And your DH's idea of fun is shooting birds?

God.

Dutchcourage · 05/07/2016 14:40

You havnt got any pet have you ? 😳

Original poster
PanickingwithacapitalP · 05/07/2016 14:42

Targets mostly, birds once. Tbh I don't think he found much difference although his family go a lot. He may/may not have a conscience regarding it. I just don't tend to get involved in discussions about it as he knows it's not my thing.
That's just the point though it's not my thing at all but we manage to get on and avoid that subject
Dsis had to go on and on and be judgemental

OP posts:
Original poster
PanickingwithacapitalP · 05/07/2016 14:47

And no, we have no pets

Think I'll just chalk this up as a day we both should have kept our mouths shut !

OP posts:
fattyfattytoadgirl · 05/07/2016 14:51

I don't see why you should be incessantly harangued over your husband's hobby! Tell her to take it up with him if she has a problem.

BengalCatMum · 05/07/2016 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SatansLittleHelper2 · 05/07/2016 14:53

I cant get wound up with people going hunting so long as they eat what they kill which im assuming he does ??

Id be a massive hypocrate if I did since i'll happily eat meat which won't have been able to live freely beforehand. Sis sounds like a pita btw.

OiWithThePoodlesAlready · 05/07/2016 14:54

Jeez! What a horrible person. My dog got really ill once because he ate poisoned food someone had put down.

I do agree with her about the gun though. I think killing animal for pleasure is dickish too.

BengalCatMum · 05/07/2016 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Religieuse · 05/07/2016 15:04

There are ways of 'sticking up for yourself' that involve being assertive but calm and polite-ish, rather than shrieking at one another about poisoned sausages and paracetemol and frightening the blameless neighbours, you know.

I think this got to you because you don't actually approve of your husband shooting either, but aren't challenging him on it.

But either way, I certainly wouldn't go creeping after your lunatic-sounding sister with apologies - she doesn't sound like much of a loss, so what exactly are the repercussions?

2nds · 05/07/2016 15:06

You did say the paracetamol thing was 15 years ago, people change. Maybe her going vegetarian is her way of acknowledging how wrong she was for doing that and she probably regrets it.

I think you were wrong to shout so loud that the neighbours could hear you. Bringing up stuff from years ago is bad enough without the neighbours knowing so you were being nasty there.

She has a right to tell you that she disagrees with what your DH does and you have a right to disagree with what she had done in the past but you broadcasted it and I think you need to at least apologise for that.
BTW if the fox attack happened right in front of her then maybe she was suffering from ptsd at the time? Did any of you console her about the fox attack or offer any help at all?

Original poster
PanickingwithacapitalP · 05/07/2016 15:08

Yes we consoled her extensively and comforted her she was absolutely distraught and we tried very hard to help her
It was a particularly nasty attack on a family pet that was adored and I can see what she was so upset. Her upset turned into misguided anger though and the sympathy from me ended there

OP posts:
Silvercatowner · 05/07/2016 15:17

I'm afraid I would struggle to be civil to and about people who shoot birds for 'sport'. Would love to hear dsis's side of the story.

Original poster
PanickingwithacapitalP · 05/07/2016 15:19

Well obviously she's entitled to her opinion but if it's so strong why doesn't she take it up with dh? She sees him regularly yet chose to vent her feelings with me when I've made my position clear , it may not be my cup of tea but I respect dh decision

OP posts:
2nds · 05/07/2016 15:26

Did she witness the fox attack? That's a pretty traumatic thing to see.

Original poster
PanickingwithacapitalP · 05/07/2016 15:27

No she didn't dm discovered it and disposed of remains as it was v unpleasant

OP posts:
Dutchcourage · 05/07/2016 15:35

silver have you actually RTFT?

SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 05/07/2016 15:36

She sounds terrifying. I have a terrifying sister too, who I am trying to limit contact with. Totally irrelevant, but if we're on the subject of dead pets / slightly strange sisters; when my sister's pet rabbit died, I found it in its hutch in the morning and had a wee tear - it was a particularly friendly rabbit you could cuddle and we'd had her for years. I went into my sister's room to break the news, thinking as she was younger and because it was her rabbit (I had one too), she would be upset. She just shrugged and went back to sleep! I buried the rabbit in garden, (sorry - I know you aren't meant to do that are you? But I was about 10 and it seemed the natural thing to do at the time). My sister didn't give a shiny shit. I was veggie at the time and thought I was being overly sensitive but remembering it now it really was quite strange.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/07/2016 15:37

Would the birds your DH's family go shooting be magpies, by any chance? I know that there are drives to reduce the numbers of magpies (and crows) at least partly because of the damage they're doing to the small bird populations.
Or are they game birds? Not a fan myself but it's common enough.

What your sister did is outrageous though - she had no idea what she could have killed with those laced sausages, disgusting behaviour! ShockAngry

So no, YANBU to have pulled her up on her hypocrisy, even if it was all those years ago - and tbh, I tend to agree with others, if she causes you so much grief with no benefit, then go low or no contact.

ManicMechanic · 05/07/2016 15:44

Why shouldn't you bury a dead pet in your garden Stevie?

2nds · 05/07/2016 15:49

I dunno I think there's a massive difference between an upset and angry child (or teenager) who makes some mistakes and who might or might not have hurt any animals and a grown man who shoots birds to kill them and who also injures them and has likely been doing it for years.

SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 05/07/2016 15:49

Oh I thought you weren't supposed to as it isn't sanitary... I haven't needed to do it since then as the other rabbit had to be put down at the vets. Same with our dogs.

fattyfattytoadgirl · 05/07/2016 15:51

Your Dsis was okay about laying poison down for any child/wild animal/pet/bird to get a hold of. A criminal offence. Now she has been a vegetarian for a couple of years and she has a problem with your DH's (legal) hobby.

Does she still hate foxes to the point she'd kill them? If so, would your DH have her "permission" to shoot them, just not birds?

What gives her the right to police and hector YOU about HIS actions? If she decides to cycle and give up her car, can you expect to hear her incessantly droning on about your carbon footprint too? If she finds religion, will you hear about what sinners you are non-stop too? An opinion is fine, but it sounds like she doesn't let up.

You say she's a vegetarian, not a vegan. If she still eats dairy, is she aware of what goes on in the dairy industry?

The reason I asked these questions* was to discover if she is being a bit hypocritical herself and is simply using her new-found animal welfare stance as yet another stick to beat you with. It sounds like there is a long history of this behaviour and you say she's a Narc. Certainly laying out poison randomly in a public place is a psychopathic move.

OP, what do you think the fallout will be for standing up to her this time?

  • I am a meat-eater myself so no drum to beat there.