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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD?- Flight tickets

47 replies

Cjamm · 02/07/2016 23:47

DH is American & his sister and her family are going away on holiday at the end of July, they live in San Francisco and have said that we could use their home instead of booking a hotel as we planned to visit this summer.

They have a big house and I asked SIL if I could invite my sister and her family as they've been wanting to take their DC's to the US but the cost (flights plus hotel) was too much.

SIL agreed as did DSis and as it's all very last minute, I wanted to book the tickets asap to get the best possible deal. I have 4 kids, Twin 6 year old boys, one of which is autistic and 2 teens, DD 14 & DS 16

DSis has 3 kids, 9, 15 & 17 years olds.

Because of DS(6) Autism, flights are extremely difficult, a flight to san francisco is 10+ hours. We're fortunate enough to be able to afford first class tickets and the extra space makes a world of difference to him but it isn't something DSis can afford.

I suggested that my DH & hers and the 3 youngest, my twins & her 9 year old could all get first class & we'd pay for it and the rest of us (the 2 of us and our teens) could get economy tickets, she seemed uncomfortable at the idea & we ended up not deciding on anything.

I don't really know what to do, I'm not sure if I was out of line or not, anyone have any suggestions? We can't afford to pay for first class tickets for 11 people.

OP posts:
Alanna1 · 02/07/2016 23:50

She probably just needs to think about it?

NapQueen · 02/07/2016 23:51

I'd book two tickets in 1st. One for your son who needs it and one for an accompanying person. Then swap over a bit. So you spend the first two hours with him and enjoy 1st. Then swap with dh for two. Then sil for two. Bil for two and so on.

Mixes it up for you all, spread the care of DS. And keeps the costs low.

Mind, I've never travelled in first so no clue if they'd allow this!!

LittleReindeerwithcloggson · 02/07/2016 23:52

My eldest DD is on the spectrum so I understand the problem. However, premium economy is IMO far more suitable as there is enough space and you can sit along side them. First class was a nightmare when we flew it as they were basically sat by themselves due to the layout of the seats which caused DD a lot of upset and worry. My suggestion would be to offer to pay the other families upgrades and all travel together.

TSSDNCOP · 02/07/2016 23:53

Does she want to go first class? Buy the ticket for her, not her DH.

NapQueen · 02/07/2016 23:55

Haha yes definitely put the menfolk in economy!

Or men take first out and women take first back?

Original poster
Cjamm · 02/07/2016 23:56

LittleReindeer, DS can't really stand to be touched or nudged in any way, the isolation of first class has proven to be the most effective way to travel with him.

TSSDNCOP, I don't really know if she wants to travel in first, she was just really abrupt and kept bringing up other things to talk about instead, which is why I feel like I might have offended her.

OP posts:
LittleReindeerwithcloggson · 02/07/2016 23:57

If you send half to economy you will have to wait a lot at the other end for them and will end up in a large queue for immigration which is stressful at the best of times! In Premium economy(I recommend Virgin Atlantic btw) you will all leave the plane straight after first class and will already be together and in front of all economy passengers. Have done USA flights 8 times now with my DDs and this works really well

Original poster
Cjamm · 02/07/2016 23:59

NapQueen, we could go in First instead of DH and BIL but I don't know if this is the issue. I only suggested they go in First class instead of us as BIL hates flying

OP posts:
LittleReindeerwithcloggson · 02/07/2016 23:59

You know what's best for your son obviously but I have found that boarding early and putting DD in a window seat with me next to her is really successful. Obviously doesn't work for all children though so do what is best for you

Original poster
Cjamm · 03/07/2016 00:02

LittleReindeer, the last thing I want is to be waiting around for a lot of people during immigration, that is by far the most difficult part of our journey, I'll take a look at premium economy.

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByABear · 03/07/2016 00:04

You can afford first class. Book first class for your family and let dsis sort herself out.

NapQueen · 03/07/2016 00:07

You don't think she might have been under the assumption that you were paying for all of it do you?

brummiesue · 03/07/2016 00:08

Why are you considering paying for your sis? Your family can go in first and she can sort her own out. If you are concerned about waiting around in america explain the problem to her and offer to pay for their upgrade to premium economy

Original poster
Cjamm · 03/07/2016 00:13

ExitPursued & Brummiesue, would it not be slightly mean & really awkward to have my family in first & hers in economy?

NapQueen, No, she kept talking about tickets in her budget etc but I wouldn't mind paying. It was just one second she wanted to book the tickets as soon as possible and the second I offered to pay for First Class she just changed the conversation and didn't want to discuss flights anymore. I do think I've offended her, I just don't know how.

OP posts:
dowhatnow · 03/07/2016 00:15

Ask her what she thinks is the best solution, bearing in mind that ds needs to travel in first.

TSSDNCOP · 03/07/2016 00:15

A. She doesn't want her family split on a flight
B.shes got an issue with her DH being in first and not her
C. She is uncomfortable about you paying for their flights in first

What don't you and your family go and do it the best way for your children. Go first, get the house ready and tell DS to come a day or so later under their own steam.

Original poster
Cjamm · 03/07/2016 00:34

Yeah, I think I'll sort out my family, maybe go out there a few days early and let her focus on her own travel plans.

OP posts:
Filosofikal · 03/07/2016 00:57

Do you really mean first class or do you mean business class?

First class is thousands. Maybe £10k for two return tickets at the end of July (Virgin)

I'd just put your DH and his Dad or you in first or business and not worry about everyone else. Maybe then everyone else could go premium economy.

goingmadinthecountry · 03/07/2016 01:25

We didn't get to go through immigration first when we went to NY first class with dd for her 18th - didn't think there was fast track on arrivals??? Same with business class trips to US.

I'd book seat for your dc and 1 or 2 others - explain ds needs the quiet and space. That way there's no them/us/money issue, it's just what you have to do for your ds. The other children don't need it.

trafalgargal · 03/07/2016 04:32

First class gets off first so theoretically if you don't faff around you'll get to immigration quicker so you'd be through first -

OP Maybe your sister was a bit taken aback that you wanted to pay for her husband's upgrade and not hers ? Or was just embarassed you wanted to pay at all....or wanted to discuss it with her husband first ?

Frankly I'd ticket ASD son and Dad in first and everyone else in business (assuming you do mean first class and not Virgin's Upper Class which is actually business class)rather than do a first/economy split.

OlennasWimple · 03/07/2016 04:36

Business clas rather than first class, surely?

WhisperingLoudly · 03/07/2016 04:44

Yes why not all fly business that would be the same cost as splitting between economy and first.

pretty sure no one actually pays for first class tickets out of pocket

zabuzabu · 03/07/2016 05:07

They won't let you swap around every two hours in first or business Shock

I also wouldn't be very happy with young children in first or business but know that's an unpopular opinion on here!

Italiangreyhound · 03/07/2016 05:17

It's a really good idea to travel out there first and for her and her family to come along at their own pace and cost. you can set up the home by buying in some nice food etc. Much easier for all. Just explain what you are doing and say she is welcome to come and needs to sort her own flights out in good time.

If it were my sister I would start by saying sorry if I confused you, it's always stressful travelling with XYZ and I may have got a bit confused but we've decided to go out two days early to get stuff ready, you join us when you can.

You sound lovely and thoughtful and your sister is lucky to have you.

Travelledtheworld · 03/07/2016 05:18

Same here, Business or First Class ?
First is very, very expensive .
Why don't you call a couple of Airlines and see what they can offer ?

Perhaps your sister doesn't want to split up her family ?
And also doesn't want to feel she owes you do thing ? You have already arranged the accommodation.....