WWYD?- Flight tickets

[Cjamm]

DH is American & his sister and her family are going away on holiday at the end of July, they live in San Francisco and have said that we could use their home instead of booking a hotel as we planned to visit this summer.

They have a big house and I asked SIL if I could invite my sister and her family as they've been wanting to take their DC's to the US but the cost (flights plus hotel) was too much.

SIL agreed as did DSis and as it's all very last minute, I wanted to book the tickets asap to get the best possible deal. I have 4 kids, Twin 6 year old boys, one of which is autistic and 2 teens, DD 14 & DS 16

DSis has 3 kids, 9, 15 & 17 years olds.

Because of DS(6) Autism, flights are extremely difficult, a flight to san francisco is 10+ hours. We're fortunate enough to be able to afford first class tickets and the extra space makes a world of difference to him but it isn't something DSis can afford.

I suggested that my DH & hers and the 3 youngest, my twins & her 9 year old could all get first class & we'd pay for it and the rest of us (the 2 of us and our teens) could get economy tickets, she seemed uncomfortable at the idea & we ended up not deciding on anything.

I don't really know what to do, I'm not sure if I was out of line or not, anyone have any suggestions? We can't afford to pay for first class tickets for 11 people.

[JoandMax]

It could be her DH wouldn't want to sit separately from his wife if he's nervous - I'm a rubbish flyer and I'd much rather sit on a pinhead with my DH than go in 1st without him!!

Could you all go business instead? If you could afford 1st for your family then business should be easily affordable for you all. Could you put your son by the window with you or DH next to him so he has his space and you can stop anyone bothering him?

[zabuzabu]

Also I have to ask - why are you promoting your DHs to Business class and not you two??!

[splendide]

I'd use the money you were going to spend on first to put everyone in business. Or just sort your own family out and leave them to it.

[blueturtle6]

If bil doesn't like flying she probably wants to sit next to him.

[PandasRock]

Re: immigration at the other end, you will be entitled to use a disability channel with your Ds. We (3 dc with ASD) have found this to be a godsend, and it cuts down the wait times hugely.

With the ticket situation, do what works for you, and let your sister do what she prefers/works for her. I have found business/first to be a problem for the reasons other powers have said - not being able to be next to/see what dc are up to, especially at takeoff and landing. Also, I have found other passengers to be a LOT less tolerant of any disturbance, should it occur - our worst flight experience was in a business cabin where a ridiculous man got really shirty with dd1 when she cried (she was crying because her sister (only 2) was crying and she couldn't see that she as ok!) which just made the situation worse.

[BikeGeek]

I think if I was on a tight budget and someone offered to pay for 2 first class tickets, leaving me to pay for 3 economy I'd be thinking actually that money would pay for all 5 tickets in economy.

I'd then be thinking that our budget ideas are so out of touch that a shared holiday is going to be awkward.

[1frenchfoodie]

What BikeGeek said. I think it best to sort your family flights and leave her to sort hers. I'd only have your autistic DS and one accompanying adult in 1st but then I'd rather spend cash on eating out etc on holiday.

[Ememem84]

Maybe she can't afford first?

We flew to New York a few years ago and a colleague of mine was at the time boasting about how she only ever flew first and how reasonable it was.

I'd already booked my flights so just had a quick look. For me and Dh it would have cost £14.5k. Just for flights. So we didn't bother.

I also don't like to fly. And agree that maybe more space would help. But I just can't afford it.

If you can afford it though and it's been proven to work for you, do it. But maybe just for two of you/your family.

[diddl]

I would say if you can afford first class then do it & let your sister sort her own flights out.

Isn't it enough that you've blagged free accommodation for her?

[vjg13]

Do you normally go to the assisted immigration line? We fly premium economy with my daughter with learning difficulties and then make sure we follow that line. Is your husband in a different line anyway as US citizen?

I think your sister probably wants her family all together, so would book for your family together in first and then book your sister in economy or premium economy to make it a bit nicer.

[londonrach]

I dont understand why you booking and paying for her family unless its a gift. Let her know which plane you will be going on and book your family. Surely her family is her responsibility. You kindly got accommodation (via kind family who im sure you think with wine or chocs etc) for her, she cant expect you to pay for tickets. I bet thats why she hasnt replied she didnt expect you to pay for flights too and doesnt know how to say no. Anyway i hope you all have a lovely time. Lucky you escaping the rain we seem to have all the time at the moment.

[PotteringAlong]

I wouldn't like the fact that you wanted to put one of my children in first with my husband. I'd want us all together and think what a weird thing it was to offer - you pay for all or none, surely?

I think you put your son plus one other in first, the rest economy. It's a family holiday; travel as a family.

[PotteringAlong]

Bloody hell, I've just googled. If you want to fly on Tuesday, Heathrow to Los Angeles is £13k first class! £13k!!!

[PotteringAlong]

Right, now if I was your sister i would be thinking "fucking hell, who has £70,000 plus to spend on a flight?!"

[Maursh]

You can afford first class tickets to San Francisco but not a hotel
I was thinking you me meant Virgin Atlantic first class which is business elsewhere but now I think this is just a wind up.

[diddl]

I had also wondered about that Maursh

Wouldn't Op's husband also be wanting to see his sister at some point whilst there?

So there needs to be some crossover or someone in a hotel at some point?

[ScarlettDarling]

Why on earth do you feel the need to pay for your dsis's flights at all? You've sorted accommodation for her, surely she can sort her own flights?

[rookiemere]

I'd send her an email and say that you didn't mean to hurt or offend her by your suggestion. DS needs to travel with minimum disruption and that's why he needs to be in First.

You're trying to do a very kind thing here, maybe she needs to think about it for a bit.

No way I'd be flying in Economy though if my DH was in first and I'd find it odd if someone suggested that to me.

For those saying Dsis should pay for her own flights. Accommodation in USA seems to be much cheaper than here if you rent a property so the flights are still going to be the main bulk of the cost, particularly if you buy them so close to flight date in school hols.

[Cjamm]

Let me answer a few questions: I meant Virign Upper Class, which I think is like Business class elsewhere. We can afford a hotel, but with DS it's always much easier taking him somewhere we've been before, it's DSis who can't afford hotel and flights, sorry if that wasn't clear. SIL & her family came over Christmas so we're not planning to see them this summer, as they've already booked their holiday we're trying to get ours to clash so we can use their home, keys will be left with other family in the San Fran.

Still haven't spoken to DSis, so no update but I can now see why I may have annoyed/offended her.

[greenfolder]

Maybe dsis is a bit overwhelmed? Funnily enough, I could be your dais, but without a rich generous sister! My dbro lives inSan Franssco and we have 3 kids. We could never justify the cost of ordinary flights for a family holiday, let alone anything else. I think that if there is free accommodation that is fine but her and your dbil may start to feel like poor relations if you are sweeping in and offering this. It gives her a complicated dilemma she could live without. Her kids were probably perfectly excited about going without this. Maybe your Dbil is sensitive about others offering to provide for his family?