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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at the thought of more guests

29 replies

NightSun · 01/07/2016 15:15

DH has invited a couple and their 2 young children (age 3 and 7) for a weekend. Initially I agreed because he said they would probably book a hotel, however they are apparently staying with us!

We have a 3-bed house (all ensuite) but one bedroom is our office, no space for a bed. We will have to give them our bedroom and sleep in DS' room (he's almost 12months and wakes 3-4x night and his room is very cramped, no space for a family of 4). Our clothes etc will have to go upstairs in the office.

DH says he will 'help as much as he can' with the preparations but of course it mainly falls to me to clean, make up beds, prepare food, empty wardrobes etc as I work part time. I've only met this couple once, years ago, and have never met their kids.

What really pisses me off is they haven't even confirmed the date they are arriving Angry DH has asked and thru said they'll get back to him ASAP.
I'm about to start a new job and could do without all this.

AIBU to want to cancel, and to feel angry?

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 01/07/2016 15:25

Tell DH to tell them to book into a hotel.
Surely that's a no brainer.
You don't have room.
You tell them that.
Job done!

ScarletForYa · 01/07/2016 15:25

You must be mad. Tell him to phone and cancel it. It's not your problem, you've met them once and you're about to empty wardrobes for them?

Unless he's prepared to do the hosting he had no business inviting anyone.

His ears would be ringing if he tried that with me.

pudcat · 01/07/2016 15:28

Good gracious - do not let them come. Perhaps they are having second thoughts as well as they haven't confirmed.

GreenSand · 01/07/2016 15:29

No, you have to move out of your bedroom. Tell them to bring sleeping bags, and the kids get your sons or office floor. Grown ups get whatever you were going to sleep on in your sons room in the living room.

GreenSand · 01/07/2016 15:29

You don't have to move!

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 01/07/2016 15:36

YANBU. I'd want to cancel too. Why are they coming to stay if you barely know them? It is different with close family and friends as you would be able to relax more about the arrangements.

Why do you need to empty the wardrobe?! They're only coming for the weekend.

This is a pain and your DH should have confirmed they would be staying in a hotel before agreeing to the visit.

Would you be able to fit an airbed in the office? Perhaps you could move DS into your room and then have an airbed in his room for the parents and one in the office for the children. Or parents in the living room on a sofa bed or airbed? I wouldn't want to give up my bed for people I barely know.

Personally I'd make a list of the jobs that need doing for the visit. Keep it to the absolute minimum. There's no need to completely disrupt your life for them. Then if DH is not willing to do say 75% of the necessary tasks then he needs to cancel the visit. It sounds like your DH is perhaps a little unappreciative.

TheWitTank · 01/07/2016 15:47

Good grief! Tell your DH to cancel now. Who wants a bunch of strangers kipping in their bed and taking over the weekend?!

AndersArms · 01/07/2016 15:48

If your DH has invited them I suggest he is the one to make the practical arrangements!

Jackie0 · 01/07/2016 15:49

Why on earth did he do that?

JudyCoolibar · 01/07/2016 16:01

Don't just want to cancel, do it. Your DH can explain to them that he wasn't thinking and it just isn't possible.

DurhamDurham · 01/07/2016 16:04

Well you definitely don't need to empty your wardrobes, it's family friends who are coming not Alex Polizzi to do a hotel inspection!!
Where did your husband think they were going to sleep, does he have any ideas to contribute? If not cancel or get them to book a hotel near by and get your husband to cook them a meal.

I'll just say though if someone invited me for the weekend I would assume they meant with them, I wouldn't book a hotel unless it had been made clear that was the expectation. We invite friends for the weekend and have them to stay, they do the same for us. It would be a bit odd to invite someone for the weekend but expect them to know that they were supposed to stay in a hotel.

The fault remains entirely with your husband for not being clear.

whois · 01/07/2016 16:06

Don't be a wet blanket, tell DH to call them and tell them he didn't know what he was thinking, there isn't any room but these hotels are local.

Or do t with good grace - who on earth clears wardrobes or for weekend visitors?

Their two children go in with your DS, or he goes in with you. Air bed down on the study floor for the parents.

MackerelOfFact · 01/07/2016 16:12

Well if they've not confirmed a date, when they eventually pick a date(s), tell them you're busy. It sounds like they might not even be that keen on the idea anyway, if your DH suggested it in the first place and even after being chased, they can't commit to a date.

It's no fun for anyone when you're sharing a house that isn't big enough to cope with everyone. Call it off, I think everyone will be relieved.

blueskyinmarch · 01/07/2016 16:13

No-one empties wardrobes for a weekend visit. People live out of their case/bag. I agree with others that you take your DS in with you, the two kids get his room and the two adults on the lounge floor. Or the the kids go in the office and the adults get DS room. Borrow blow up mattresses and tell them to bring sleeping bags. Tell the family that is the plan and if they don’t like the sound of that they can book a hotel.

georgiatraher · 01/07/2016 16:25

It's only a weekend. You don't have to empty a wardrobe. Don't make more work for yourself for no reason.

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 01/07/2016 16:27

Blimey, NightSun, I'd feel like booking myself into a hotel, it sounds too much like hard work for a weekend with people you don't know very well. I expect DH didn't appreciate how much work is 'behind the scenes' for this sort of caper. Give him a list of jobs and maybe next time he'll think twice.

pinkyredrose · 01/07/2016 16:31

Tell him all hosting duties are his job but you'll help as much as you can

ghostspirit · 01/07/2016 16:33

if it was me i would give up my room for my guest.

Original poster
NightSun · 01/07/2016 16:40

He gave them a choice of 2 dates, they haven't yet decided (3 weeks later!) which of infuriating as I can't plan other things.

It's a dormer-bungalow and our bedroom is right next to the open-plan living room/kitchen. Anyone talking in the living room is fully audible in our bedroom. So I don't want them (or kids) sleeping in the living room. DS wakes several times a night and up at 6am so they can't go in with him. And the office is full of techy stuff so not suitable for kids, especially a toddler. It would fit a single airbed.

DH values hospitality and loves having guests, and feels it is rude not to offer to put people up. He thinks we will 'manage'. I value my own space and privacy.

I'm so cross that he thinks we can accommodate a family of 4. They probably assume we have loads of space. Or they're not sure what the facilities are and are too polite to ask, hence the delay! If you recieved this type of invite would you ask or just assume we had lots of space? Would you be upset to find you all had to share a small room, with kids on floor?

Do you think I should contact the mum directly and explain things? I can't imagine she would want to be crammed into a tiny bedroom with her DH and both kids.

OP posts:
alicemalice · 01/07/2016 16:46

He's a cheeky fucker isn't he? He'll help as much as he can!

Jackie0 · 01/07/2016 17:14

Yes I would assume you had space and I would be disappointed at being shoehorned in . Obviously I wouldn't say anything but I'd be wondering why on earth you invited us

GnomeDePlume · 01/07/2016 17:19

DH values hospitality and loves having guests, and feels it is rude not to offer to put people up.

Your DH is a self-indulgent idiot.

These poor people are going to turn up thinking that you have plenty of room and that because two dates were offered there isnt any sort of problem. Instead, they are going to find the whole experience mortifying as they realise that you have put yourselves out mightily and that you, OP really resent the whole thing.

Really, your DH should be on the phone to them telling them that he had forgotten that you dont in fact live in a six bedroomed mansion.

Original poster
NightSun · 01/07/2016 18:55

About the wardrobes... it's more that I don't want anyone looking through my clothes/underwear eg kids climbing in and out of the wardrobe or playing hide and seek in it!

OP posts:
whois · 01/07/2016 19:15

About the wardrobes... it's more that I don't want anyone looking through my clothes/underwear eg kids climbing in and out of the wardrobe or playing hide and seek in it!

Nobody does that. Your DH sounds over generous in his inviting of guests, but you sound overly uptight about them.

Still not sure why you can't have people in the living room, it's not like that will be talking all night.

DS in with you. Parents on air bed in the sitting room. Kids in your DS room.

Except, yeah, tell them first cos I'd probably rather get a hotel if I knew what the sleeping situation was.

DragonRojo · 01/07/2016 19:27

I would rather book a hotel or not come. It is very unfair on your guests to lead them to believe you have the space to accommodate them and then find out on arrival that they are going to be cramped in a room with both their kids. You need to tell them so that they know what they are getting into by accepting. If they then say that they don't mind, you will have to put up with it unfortunately. It is only a weekend.