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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People asking me to ask my sister about wedding!

36 replies

MrsLoisLane · 30/06/2016 20:12

Grrrr. My sister is getting married in September. We have many mutual friends. She is having a child free wedding except from her four year old niece whose flower girl
A mutual friend of my sisters has an ex bf 7 month old and the mum has texted me basically moaning saying she'll have to leave her baby with her MIL who will have to wait outside the venue and phone her when the baby needs feeding! I know it's nothing to do with me but I know my sister will want to know this mum isn't too happy. What do I do?

OP posts:

branofthemist · 30/06/2016 20:14

Text her back

'Oh, you are probably best speaking to my sister'

And leave it at that. The friend is rude to come to you. She could always decline the invitation.

Is the child 7 months now or will be 7 months at the wedding?

Mouikey · 30/06/2016 20:15

Tell this friend to grow a pair and talk directly to your sister as you have no involvement in organising. Keep well out of it otherwise any good intention will come back on you (especially when bridezilla is released!!) xx

Original poster

MrsLoisLane · 30/06/2016 20:15

The baby will be seven months at the time of the wedding. I know child free isn't to everyone's choice but it's not my wedding!

OP posts:

branofthemist · 30/06/2016 20:17

No it's not everyone's choice. But it's not everyone's wedding either.

I would keep well out of it.

Original poster

MrsLoisLane · 30/06/2016 20:22

Thanks. I hate being out in awkward situations. I'm not sure how polite it is to approach the bride or her sister about the no child rule though !

OP posts:

Micah · 30/06/2016 20:30

It wont be ebf at 7 months though? He or she will be starting weaning.

My ebf child started nursery at 7m. Fed before and after, solids in the meantime.

Is it her first child? She'll probably find he'll be happy with cereal or something while she's at the wedding.

Original poster

MrsLoisLane · 30/06/2016 20:32

She says the baby won't take a bottle or from a cup. Apparently he is almost ex fb and she can't leave him. He's her first child

OP posts:

DinosaursRoar · 30/06/2016 20:33

Agree, tell them to talk to your sister, not you. Leave it at that. (And yes, a 7 month old will be on solids and probably only having a couple of feeds outside of 'bedtime' and 'first wake up' in the day, should be possible to fit round the wedding.)

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 30/06/2016 20:34

YANBU. nothing to do with you and you should point this out to them.

Also at 7 months the baby won't be EBF so she is being a tad ridiculous.

Original poster

MrsLoisLane · 30/06/2016 20:36

Thanks I'm not sure what's normal or not! This girl is a bit pfb I think. Her child surely doesn't need to be outside the church with her mil for a half and hour ceremony?

OP posts:

onceuponadream2016 · 30/06/2016 20:39

If she doesn't want to leave said child she's best declining, it's your sisters wedding, point all sorry we can't make it cards in that direction ! Who needs being in the middle !

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 30/06/2016 20:48

The baby will be 5 months now so probably does only take breast milk not solids (as it doesn't take a bottle or cup). As it is her first child she possibly can't quite imagine this changing in 2 months, though in the normal scheme of things a 7 month old will have started weaning. not every 7 month old will take much in the way of solids though and plenty of 7 month olds do get almost all their actual nutrition from breast milk, with food being encouraged but only really important for tastes and textures and generally getting used to it - most nutrition can still come from breast milk for several more months.

That said the baby will be fine for a few hours and if the friend wants to attend the wedding she should try to introduce water in a cup either now or at 6 months - at 6 months she will start introducing solids and won't know how its going to go til she does. If she doesn't want to attend she shouldn't of course.

Will your sister be stroppy with her if she declines? She shouldn't, but many people do (the "invitation not a summons" idea is nice in theory but not foolproof).

Either way its nothing to do with you - as everyone says there is no point you trying to be go between, you have to just tell them to speak to one another.

VertiginousOust · 30/06/2016 20:48

The baby could still be ex bf at 7 months, my DS certainly was. No interest in food until 8 months plus. However, at that age he could easily go 4-5 hours between feeds, so she most likely won't need her MIL hovering outside.
How old is the baby now? I guess probably she's at the stage where you can't see beyond the end of your nose from sleep deprivation, so thinking ahead is impossible! Still would say to speak to your sister though, not your wedding, not your rules.

cestlavielife · 30/06/2016 20:51

She can leave him
She doesn't want to
At seven months baby can sip from a cup
Eat baby porridge or whatever.
Baby will survive several hours without breast feeding
But it s ok if she doesn't want to leave him she just declines the invite. End of.
Just tell her it's her decision to go or not .

BengalCatMum · 30/06/2016 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

MrsLoisLane · 30/06/2016 20:54

My sister will not be mad but cannot compromise on no child rule as it would mean extra 20 odd guests which isn't realistic.

OP posts:

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 30/06/2016 20:58

Lots of babies are exclusively BF still at 7 months, and IMO LESS likely to be PFBs than not (I find people are less over eager about getting in there with the weaning 2nd/3rd time round) so lets not call her a PFB for this

Nothing good will come of your OP being in the middle, you will just piss one or the other off.

Agree, reply "She's doing all the organising herself so you'ld best speak to her" and leave it WELL ALONE

pearlylum · 30/06/2016 20:59

I don't see your problem OP. You can empathise with the friend and suggest she speaks to your sister.

You don't have to defend or disagree with your sister's choice- it's not your wedding.

pearlylum · 30/06/2016 21:01

For what's it's worth I wouldn't attend a wedding without my kids at 7 months. I would decline the invitation. Nothing to do with PFB.

Original poster

MrsLoisLane · 30/06/2016 21:01

Don't have an issues as such I find it a bit odd she's come to me. For what it's worth I think she's being rude and have asked her to contact my sister. I can empathise completely but it's still inappropriate

OP posts:

RudeElf · 30/06/2016 21:04

Apparently he is almost ex fb and she can't leave him.

So he is 5 months now and already isnt exclusively breastfed. Another 2 months and he'll probably be on even less breastmilk. Also, if he is almost exclusively Bf then he js either having formula from a cup/bottle or solids.

Micah · 30/06/2016 21:05

I only mentioned the pfb thing as with your first it's all but impossible to see past the current stage.

My first fed every two hours right up until weaning at 6 months. Once on solids i could go 4 or 5 hours without bf, offering solid food instead.

However if you'd asked me at 4.5 months if i could leave my baby for more than an hour or so i'd probably have said no, because i had no clue weaning would free me from the endless breastfeeding, and couldnt get my head around it being any different.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 30/06/2016 21:06

Yeah, she should have gone to your sister, pass the buck and don't get involved

Muddlingalongalone · 30/06/2016 21:14

I'm going to against the grain here and say that I really wish somebody had said to me about ebf babies when I was getting married.
One of my oldest friends came half way across the country with her 4 month old and brought her parents with her to look after the baby because I said no children. Having taken my DD1 to a wedding a few years later at 4 months I feel so guilty that I made her go through all that hassle.
I was only thinking of people being able to hear the ceremony as at her wedding there were older children making so much noise.

I know there's a difference between 4 & 7 months but I would say something to my sister

DinosaursRoar · 30/06/2016 21:15

With your first it does seem hard to see how quickly things change in the first 12 months, and what isn't possible now would be perfectly possible in a couple of months time.

However, just keep batting it back to your sister, perhaps add in a "are you trying to sound out if it would be ok not to go? Honestly, she would love you to be there but would understand if you didn't feel you could accept."

Some people do allow 'babes in arms' if the 'no children' rule is about costs - as until they are needing a seat/meal, they aren't costing anything, but often the cost is used as an excuse to avoid having to invite lots of children who'll make noise/change the tone of the day.

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