To be pissed off at DH? He's invited his DB and family to join us on holiday without asking me

[YodellingForJesus]

I'm sulking and angry. We are off on holiday in a few weeks to a nice quiet house by the sea - just me, DH and dog. I've been really looking forward to a stress free 10 days, pottering about and just doing as we please, just sitting in the sun in my pants if I want to. DH's brother just phoned to say, hey we'd love to come and stay while you're there, what day do you arrive? They're planning to stay for a week. I like them and everything, but his brother is hard work sometimes - he gets stressed easily and fusses alot - and they have a very excitable six year old. Basically, although I like them (and sil is lovely, at least) I don't want them there. DH reckons he already asked me and I said ok. yeah right.... I think I would have remembered that.

He's already said yes to him, and they are making air travel plans. How do I say no now? They are living overseas so we don't see them often, which complicates matters a bit. I'm so though.

YANBU. I'd be bloody fuming! I'm not sure what you can do now though, it will be difficult to undo the arrangements that are being made.

YANBU I would be fuming to! Nothing wrong with family visit etc but sometimes you just look forward to having 'couple time' away from everything! I'd be truly gutted!

If it was my OH I would be telling him to phone his DB back and say there's been some wires crossed! That you'll all arrange a get together some other time!

Tell your husband 'this isn't happening, you ring your brother and say you made a mistake'. Do not let him blame you! If he wants an extended family holiday, he can arrange one, your currently booked one shouldn't be invaded by well-meaning (intrusive) family.

I wouldn't go, but I'm grumpy today and not at my most reasonable!

cross post - yes, telling him to call his brother and say there's been a misunderstanding and they're not invited would be more reasonable than my first response!

😱😡

Get your Dh to ring back and say it's a mistake. This supposed to be s romantic break - he is not included

Omg no! I would tell DH that if his brother comes, you don't!

I am glad it's not just me being grumpy. I'll get DH to nip this in the bud, too bad if that makes me the bad guy.

How could he think he'd already asked me though??

Tell him he can go somewhere else with them, while you have your place to yourself - what an idiot

My GOD I would be fucked off. Absolutely incandescent. I wouldn't be putting my foot down, I'd be stamping it. Hard.

He was hoping to get away with it by trying to make you think you'd forgotten agreeing to it. Probably.

How could he think he'd already asked me though?

It's called gaslighting.

He's probably realised he's balls-ed up and instead of just admitting it he's trying to shift the blame so you're not cross... Little do men realise that actually, we're not stupid!! Haha x

I'm tempted to go just me and the dog and leave DH behind at the moment

Could you compromise a bit and say they can come for a weekend? To avoid being labeled the mean SIL. Not that you are of course, clearly DH is in the wrong here.

Have them for the weekend, when you don't want them at all? I wouldn't

I wouldn't go.

Please put your foot down OP and get DH to sort this mess out!
I wouldn't compromise by having them for an hour, let alone a weekend!

Say you never agreed.

You want time alone.

If he insists on his brother coming do something else alone.

Do it sooner rather than later so that money isn't lost on airfares etc.

And NO, no fucking compromise. Why should you? He fucked up and is trying to gaslight you. 'I don't want to go on holiday with your brother and his family. You know you didn't ask me, either. So you tell him that YOU messed up and hadn't asked me.' He balks, you have your answer.

Why the fuck should you compromise when he steamrolls you and doesn't even ask you.

'I'm tempted to go just me and the dog and leave DH behind at the moment'

I would.

Have they even offered to pay towards your accommodation? They're wanting to come for over half your holiday!

Just call and say you dh didn't ask you and that you want a child free relaxing holiday so maybe next time?

He's saying he already asked you so you'll be all confused and think you can't refuse because you "already said yes" - except you know you didn't and you know he's lying.

I'd refuse to go if BIL goes. Simple. DH can decide who he wants to piss off more, because he has fucked up so has to pick the person who's holiday he ruins and makes angry at him, you will not just put up and shut up. You are angry and you will remain angry, would he rather have the person he lives with or the person he doesn't live with, angry at him.

Will DH call his brother?