To be pissed off at DH? He's invited his DB and family to join us on holiday without asking me

[YodellingForJesus]

I'm sulking and angry. We are off on holiday in a few weeks to a nice quiet house by the sea - just me, DH and dog. I've been really looking forward to a stress free 10 days, pottering about and just doing as we please, just sitting in the sun in my pants if I want to. DH's brother just phoned to say, hey we'd love to come and stay while you're there, what day do you arrive? They're planning to stay for a week. I like them and everything, but his brother is hard work sometimes - he gets stressed easily and fusses alot - and they have a very excitable six year old. Basically, although I like them (and sil is lovely, at least) I don't want them there. DH reckons he already asked me and I said ok. yeah right.... I think I would have remembered that.

He's already said yes to him, and they are making air travel plans. How do I say no now? They are living overseas so we don't see them often, which complicates matters a bit. I'm so though.

'No hun you didn't tell me because I would have categorically told you to fuck off'

Then I'd find somewhere to have a stress-free ten days with the dog while he deals with his fussy DB and an excitable six year old.

I would go apeshit. He is gaslighting you trying to say he told you - tell him to grow the fuck up.

I would tell him to call his brother and explain you need a family holiday just for you and you will see them another time.

YANBU. I would be fuming - he needs to call up DB and apologise for making a mistake.

I can't believe his brother accepted! I also can't believe you just said,ok! Why didn't you say something then?

To be honest it's not the brothers fault he probably accepted thinking it was a genuine invitation from both of them. Please get your dh to cancel them I would hate share my holiday like that and I would hate to turn up thinking I was welcome when actually I'm not!

Pearlman he has done similar in the past, but not in a long while because I have got much better at putting my foot down.

He's accepted he's fucked up now, probably because I reacted so furiously. He was completely taken aback and he's backtracked on his assertion that he'd already asked

(trying not too feel bad about his point that we don't often get the chance see his family, and am telling myself they could always visit us when we're not on holiday)

I didn't say ok! I was here when his brother phoned and spoke to DH. I could hear DH's side of the conversation.

It will be hell but put your foot down now if you don't want this to continue until you get a divorce. Family used to do this to us, until we put (my) foot down. How bloody rude !! Asking is ok, so is saying 'no'

Glad he's backed down and admitted he'd lied, hope you get the hol you've booked and paid for!!

yes, they could visit you another time, when you don't have a free holiday home for them, but just welcome them into your home. If they don't want to, that's not your problem. Or they could pay for a holiday home near you and you pop in to see them (you'd pop wouldn't you, not take over their holiday).

Apart from the whole principal of not asking me first before inviting other people on the holiday, I think i'd also be quite hurt that DH was so happy to scupper the 'couple time' together.

Yanbu, and you do need to put your foot down.

That is awful, I would be ripping a piece off him. He can blooming go on his own, if his brother and family are coming.

A week! We did this for a night and I was glad to have the place back to ourselves.

Soften the blow by arranging another time at yours at the same time. Have some convenient dates handy. Do it quickly before they say it's too late as they've booked the flights.

How big is the accommodation you've booked? Owners don't like more people than there should be in their properties. Can you use this as an excuse?

I would say I'm not coming and when has dh booked for us to go again ON OUR OWN.

Have they booked flights? I hope he's going to tell them ASAP!

He has called his brother to cancel, so I am feeling very relieved. Thanks for all the supportive posts. A few years ago I would probably have agonised about how to make it work and how to to accommodate everyone. But now I feel like this is the start of a new phase in life: Our DCs are old enough to take care of themselves, we've had a tough year with one thing and another, and I refuse to feel bad for wanting to do as I please once in a while.

And Jennifer, I know! a week is a huge chunk of time to be on social duty, however fond you are of your family. I was getting stressed just thinking about it.

Good for you, well done for standing up for yourself. A holiday with other people is just not as relaxing as it could be.

DP often does this, when we go camping (locally) or to center parcs he will invite his brother and family for the day and have family friends and their awful DCs pop up and join us for the day. It would never occur to me to invite someone else along for our weekend away, it's just odd! It's almost like he worries that it's not enough with just us (and our 5 DCs )

Grrrr, I feel your pain. Release your inner bitch and stand your ground. It's me or the brother.