Telling a teacher that your child doesn't like them; is it ok?

[WalkingZed]

Ok as teachers we usually have a good idea of what we are getting into. Definitely not for the hassle free career.

Anyway, I've been teaching for 15 years and have always adopted a firm but fair approach. I get good results, care about the children and do as professional a job and work as hard as I can.

This year, at a parent/teacher consultation, a parent told me they didn't think their child had had a good a good year as "x just doesn't like you."

It's bothered me ever since.

The child in question was a high average child, was very motivated in class (I thought) and seemed engaged and as happy it is possible to be in school.

Anyway we are nearing the end of the year and I'm exhasuted.

Just wondered if you've ever told a teacher that your child doesn't like them? Do you think it's reasonable to do this?

AIBU to still think about this?

What would you say if you were a teacher in response to this?

Any teachers had similar and how did you react.

Mentioned to HT but didn't find him particularly helpful other than saying just forget it.

It may take two to form a relationship but when one party is a child and the other is an adult you have to be mindful of quite a few things.

Don't like can mean all sorts, it does not always just mean don't like and many of those things can be perfectly valid issues that are totally the adults responsibility.

Ds has disliked a couple of teachers and tas because they were quite loud and shrieky. He is non verbal but I picked this up quickly from his body language around them. I didn't say anything other than saying he responds best when people talk to him/ around him calmly and quietly.

I know someone who has, several times over the years.
She's a classroom helper, PTA, etc and lives through her many children and is very controlling.
She's very threatened by her children (including older ones) liking anyone she hasn't told them to like, or disliking someone they've been told to like.

(She also pretend they're out of vision ie just inside the door, backing up claims she's making about what others have supposedly done to them or her, when they aren't there at all, and have no idea they're being used like this.)

She's openly boasted about how shocked teachers have been when she's delivered what she sees as her end of year coup de grâce, and believes they're too insecure and afraid of judgement to give each other a heads up in the staff-room. (I hope she's wrong)

Sadly there are people like this, and all you can do is feel sorry for the children and be professional in the face of it.

Ha it went the opposite way when I was a kid- my year 4 teacher told my Mum that she didn't like me!

banging I disagree.
My dcs have told me that they don't like X teacher. Usually AFTER the year has ended.
The reasons have been varied from one teacher having some clear issue with dc1 being extremely bright (something that has finally being acknowledged in secondary. In primary everyone seemed to want to ignore that as much as possible). To a teacher just to not 'getting' dc2 (maybe because she never really took any attention to who he was or what his struggles were).
Or simply because dc2 had a real issue with having two teachers. Maybe it wasn't explained well enough to him (that certainly wasn't explained well to us parents!). Maybe because he had some issues (discussed at the time) but no one wanted to acknowledged them. The 'nice' quiet child that never bothers anyone couldn't possibly need some support.

What is telling IMO is when both my dcs end up having the same feelings about one teacher, despite being completely different temperaments and having very different 'issues' (if being bright can be classed as an 'issue')

Saying that when a child doesn't a teacher, it's always the fault of the child because he doesn't get his own way, shows a total lack of self reflection IMO.

wandering I've actually had a teacher telling me that (maybe not in terms so clear but I can promise you she made her PoV understood). She had no hesitation in slating dc1 big way.
That was during a parent-teacher evening I had with her about his db!

Mov1ngOn I am fully aware of what a little shit my DD can be in class. What the teacher did was unacceptable to me but highlighted that something really wasn't right. I spoke to the assistant principal (I am in the US) and told her straight that my expectation is that this teacher utilize the additional help that is freely available. I also took the step to go get DD assessed to find out exactly what is wrong. Turns out she is borderline autistic and we are having to schlep to a center further away for more detailed testing.

I'm more annoyed that this teacher didn't communicate with me earlier in the year about my DDs behaviour. I have been told by school management that this teacher is not returning next year.

Only teacher my son didn't really like was a bit of a cow so I did empathise (and it was the view of most of the parents). We had moved house and had a very long journey to school. DS was unwell and I kept him home, the next morning he seemed a little better and wanted to go to school and his teacher greeted me with a lecture about not keeping him off (he had a great attendance record) . I told her I wasn't sure he was 100 percent and to call me if needed. She assured me it wouldn't be an issue she knew her children. WIBU to giggle when I got a call from the school to pick him up after she'd made him stand at her desk .......and he threw up all over it.

I wouldn't be unduly worried. What matters is how well you taught that child, not what they thought of you.

Probably more likely that the parent doesn't like you, not the child

Which would bother me much less!

As a Mum of child with a very well behaved tried her hardest child with sen I have had two teachers of hers we have both despised. One who just wasn't a good teacher. The other downright cruel.

I would never have said anything to then other than a complaint I made about the cruel one following the proper channels.

We have only had one teacher who neither me nor my DD liked, and quite a few other parents I spoke to as well. She told me my DD was stroppy once. My DD is like a mouse at school, she only speaks out if she has too. I think the teacher saw the look of shock on my face and changed what she said immediately!

Even then I would never have told her my DD didn't like her.

The thing is, at that age, liking the teacher and being able to learn and/or enjoying learning are strongly linked.

Some people just do not have the same social boundaries as others. When I think back to my school days there were a fair few teachers I really disliked - it's going to happen - but the parent was BU to tell you that!

I've taught secondary school for 15 years, and never had this said to me directly, although I did have one Mum politely tell me that her DD used to like love my subject, but was not enjoying it any more, which might have been her nice way of telling me that her DD didn't like my style. I was concerned on a professional, but not personal level, and tried hard to reignite the DD's enthusiasm. Of course not all my students over the years will take have liked me, and it's not our job to be liked. I think the parent in the OP was a bit brutal though, and I think it must be harder in Primary when you're with the same children all day.

I have had at least three parents that I can remember telling me that they disliked their own children. "I know my daughter is very hard to like Ms Vereker, in fact I can't warm to her and I'm her father..."

Poor girl.

I'm a teacher and had this once 9 years ago. I've never forgotten it!

I'm a parent now and try so hard to be supportive towards the adults working with my children, even if I don't agree with everything they do. I would never say anything unless I thought it was really serious. Some people are rude weirdos.