To ask what's the worst 'sense of humour' you ever experienced? (Light hearted - I bet you lot have some absolute clangers)

[Flamingo1980]

So I've just got back from seeing some friends and met a friend of theirs for the first time. Christ it was about ten shades of painful. She just kept making these terrible - jokes - if you can even call it that. Whatever they were she thought she was hilarious.
Her idea of comedy was just to say something that was the opposite of the truth, and then pause, laugh, and then exclaim, "I'm joking!". Over and over.
Example: Me: "So how are you finding living here?"
Her: "I hate it!!!.....pause...laughs loudly... No not really I love it!!....HHAHAHAAAAA!"
Etc etc. This continued for some time in the same pattern until I wanted to gauge my eyes out with a fork.
It was that sort of "Awkward uncle at Christmas" humour but without the thinly vieled racism and smut.

Can you lot now make me feel better by regaling me with 'painful humour' anecdotes please!

Fru that is unreal?! I wonder if that receptionist does that to everyone?!?! Did she look pleased with herself??

And I agree, Mrs Browns boys is just not funny. On any level.

Flamingo, it was a male commissionaire/security type person. I did wonder afterwards whether he 'played that joke' on every adopted adult who was arriving for meeting/chat with a social worker? The Family Records Centre was/is used by a variety of people for a variety of reasons - much of which is unrelated to adoption. Was it his idea of 'fun' to wind-up us adult adoptees who were - finally - going to find out the details of how we came into this world?

I think I was too gobsmacked at the time to report his behaviour to MrsSW, especially as my mind was on other things. I wonder if the other woman reported him? She was even more distraught by his 'joke' than I was.

Went on a hen do. Bride to be was lovely but VERY high maintenance.
She had spent a fortune on a designer dress, had hair done etc etc and her younger sister got some of us hens on our own and said she was going to flour and egg the Bride.
We were all horrified as it was really not the kind of thing the Bride would appreciate. She insisted she knew her sister better than us and it would be hilarious. Maid of honour and another bridesmaid hatched a plan to steal Sisters handbag to stop her but we didnt realise that her crony also had "supplies" .
Bride to be got floured and egged, had absolute hysterics as predicted and we all went home at about 9. Atmosphere was still a bit frosty between the Sisters at the wedding 3 weeks later .

Humblecrumble that happened to me on my hen do, my mum and her very conservative best friend who don't agree with Sex before marriage were mortified on the question of where is the strangest place you've had sex and my very drunk friend was shouting I know I know, I had to put my hand over her mouth to gag her.. The answer would have killed them both then and there to be honest and it wasn't even with the groom.. Oops

Next week will be my last week in my shitty tourism job, thank fuck.

I have to give out audio guides for the tour and ask what language they'd like the audio guide in.

In the course of a nine hour shift at least 10 white English visitors (always middle aged men) per hour will 'hilariously' ask for a Chineseor, Japanese or 'Indian' (that well known language) language guide and at least half will treat me to their 'hilarious' Chinese, Japanese or Indian accents when asking for them.

I used to make a snide comment along the lines of 'very droll sir, it's only the umpteenth time I've heard that since lunch and I had a very late lunch' but I can't summon up the energy to engage with these twats any more, so now I just hand them a Chinese headset and let them get on with it.

I was at a party when I was in my 20s....all quite intimate and drunken. The host was out of the room in another....and a man who was seeing my friend picked up a letter from a shelf and began reading it out loud to the room. My friend had written it....it was an introductory letter to the director of a well known theatre company.

He read in this piss taking way and people sat and listened! So I said "OPut that down!" YOu don't read other people's letters!

And he took the piss out of me as if I were some goody goody!

Violet, what happened at the end. Did your friend find out what happened?

When I was doing ward rounds as a phlebotomist several (male) patients would always say " here comes the vampire/ Mrs Dracula",then cackle away at their amazing originality. Not all of them appreciated my reply of " I'm from the black pudding factory and we haven't had our blood delivery yet".

Worst for me was a best mans speech where groom was surgeon, best man told a story about him giving a lady a gynaecological exam and also giving her an orgasm, not only was it highly inappropriate at a wedding, it really wasn't funny.

Normally it's my BIL with his shit patter relating to what's woman's and mans work.

But the best was at a friend's wedding, her dad was a dick and kept on about how much money it had cost him, saying 'I know you're all here to celebrate the happy couple but let's face it you wouldn't be here if I was serving up lidl baked beans...'
The father of the groom had to do an impromptu speech to make sure the bride and groom had a few kind words and a toast.

Still can't believe how many weddings are ruined by the damn speeches!!!

Poverty well the friend who was seeing him was sitting right there...so she knew and never said a word! I told my friend who had written the letter and he was pissed so didn't do anything about it...the next day he was very annoyed with the idiot.

My mother in law at my reception party on Saturday.

Walks in the room and announces to my husbands' work colleagues "Why couldn't he have married one of you lovely ladies"

Nice.

NeedsASockamnesty I'm so sorry, what an utter wanker. Did he do that knowing your first husband died? I cannot imagine how someone close enough to be a best man could somehow have missed that 'detail'?

Did the guests know?

I'd have been very torn between rage at the sheer vileness and disrespect, and a very small voice saying 'don't kill the best man as it might ruin the day and it looks bad in the photos'.

I'm afraid complete rage and a desire to hurt him would win . I might have settled on me/ dh standing up at the end of the wankers speech and raising glasses to such a missed and wonderful man. And letting the collective scorn shrivel the not so amazing man.

"Best man at my last wedding, the entire speach was about how the last groom had got away and how I had been married before so must like wedding cake, the speach was very lengthy.
I wasmt divorced I was widowed prior to that day."

My parents are usually quite funny, but they have this irritating joke they have done for years where whenever I mention that someone is deaf they say "Pardon?" and fall about in fits of laughter.

My husband is deaf. A close friend at school was deaf. My grandad was deaf. I work in healthcare where many of my patients are deaf. It's actually quite hard to avoid having it come up in conversation!

When my dad went to a funeral and was speaking to the widow and he tried some light humour.
Widow said "Mr Grouper Sr, I am so glad you could make it today".
My dad responded "well anything for a day off work".
Did not go down too well.

Worst ever was MIL going through customs who announced loudly to DS1 (so that the customs lady could hear) "she thinks we're kidnapping you". She's not allowed abroad any more.

My partner's family. Seriously, you can't even have a conversation with them cos they're leaping in with their 'hilarious' comments all the time. Such as my partner mentioning something that happened at the barbers and they all go "the barbers?! You mean you asked for that haircut?! HAHAHAHAHAHA!". They all think they're so wild and crazy and it's their family 'thing'. Drives me spare.

My partner used to do it too but mainly out of social awkwardness. I tend to fix him with a hard stare and say "isn't it a pity when people would rather be funny than nice?".

This forwarded to me as "a hilarious prank".
Involves making a man think he's being robbed and about to be beaten/killed, and a woman think she's about to be gang-raped/killed. For dubious 'social awareness' reasons that the two ringleaders can barely articulate.
Giving people PTSD for kicks.

Possibly triggering

My friends partner likes to jump out on her and give her a fright.....in their own home.
Back fired somewhat. He was so successful in scaring her' she punched him in the face and split his lip 😂