To ask what's the worst 'sense of humour' you ever experienced? (Light hearted - I bet you lot have some absolute clangers)

[Flamingo1980]

So I've just got back from seeing some friends and met a friend of theirs for the first time. Christ it was about ten shades of painful. She just kept making these terrible - jokes - if you can even call it that. Whatever they were she thought she was hilarious.
Her idea of comedy was just to say something that was the opposite of the truth, and then pause, laugh, and then exclaim, "I'm joking!". Over and over.
Example: Me: "So how are you finding living here?"
Her: "I hate it!!!.....pause...laughs loudly... No not really I love it!!....HHAHAHAAAAA!"
Etc etc. This continued for some time in the same pattern until I wanted to gauge my eyes out with a fork.
It was that sort of "Awkward uncle at Christmas" humour but without the thinly vieled racism and smut.

Can you lot now make me feel better by regaling me with 'painful humour' anecdotes please!

Oh god I wonder if DP will come on here about me.

I have a series of kitchen based jokes..... So last night I lobbed a leak across the kitchen and said 'argh! I've sprung a leak!' And 'running out of Thyme'.... oh god.

I do have a friend that pretends you smell every time he sees you. He does it to everybody. He pulls you in for a hug then faps his hand around at the stench! Or picks you up and pretends to break his back with the weight. Christ it's tedious. He thinks these two things are hilarious. He tells piss-weak 'jokes' that he read from the Sun or whatever and shout 'boom boom!!' And 'do you get it? Don't you get it?' When no one laughs.

Oh EVERYONE totally knoes one of those couples who's 'jokes' are clearly simmering resentment below the surface! Like Pete and Dawn from Gavin and Stacey

At a job interview and one (male) interviewer said "are you planning to get pregnant? Because if you are, we probably won't bother". The other 2 (male) interviewers spluttered and said "ignore him, ignore him". This was a high profile company...

I got the job. I think they were too scared not to offer it to me .

And another, who called me after the interview to say that they'd decided to offer the job to the 'tallest' candidate! I'm not that short!!

I went to a friend's wedding last year. The groom's best man and the bride's head bridesmaid both gave speeches but they were asked to do a 5-minute stint of 'Do you remember when...' about the bride and groom.
It was a lovely, touching gesture which the best man got spot on with his memories of rose tinted boyhood japes.

The head bridesmaid got up and gave a five minute debrief on our 2003 girls holiday to Magaluf at which the bride got an STD, another friend was filmed having a threesome with two random blokes and another friend did a Shirley Valentine and stayed on to live with a local waiter for a month or so. Everyone who went on that holiday is now settled and happily married and was at the wedding with their OH (and some of them with their kids). The bridesmaid thought it was all hilarious. The rest of the room, hmm, not so much.

Worst one was a few years ago at easter with my extended family. Aunt and uncle's house,their grown kids there and their partners,inlaws,lots of other family and my aunt and uncle start "bantering" along he lines "oh he can't even get it up anymore hahahah" "well have you looked at yourself in a mirror hahahah"

Oh and same meal ,cousins wife in a very whiny/pretend crying tone
"daddyyyy x has upset me"
"What did he do?"
"He won't give me money to buy nappies hahahha"
"Oh if you want money i don't care hahaha"

MadHatters - yes! Pete and Dawn relationships!

These are brilliant I knew you folks wouldn't let me down.
Making me feel better about my painful day yesterday!
So many wedding clangers - absolutely terrifying.
It's just always cringey when people laugh at their own 'jokes' and then as if that's not bad enough - bollock you for having no sense of humour if you don't laugh?! I'm not not laughing because I don't get it, I'm not laughing because you're not funny you tit!

Keep em coming people you're making this week seem a little lighter!

A work colleague on his phone; 'do you want to see a picture of my wee lad?' (he had a son). Yes it was a photo of his penis

My dad who makes the same joke about levis or wranglers every time genes are mentioned.

My FIL tells really long detailed anecdotes that he finds hilarious but are just terribly trivial incidents. One involved him hanging out the washing and being unable to find the second of a pair of socks. That was literally it. It's painful.

Friend of DH's likes to invite us over then, when we ring the doorbell, he refuses to let us in whilst telling us to go away through the letter box - he thinks its hysterical!

Ybaby Take him at his word next time and clear off eslewhere for some entertainment. A few times like this and he'll probably drop it.

My son bought his girlfriend home for the first time to join us for a nice celebration meal to which my Mom and Dad were also invited... my Dad then went on to tell his time-honoured joke about Mrs O'Leary's left tit (yes, it's fucking hilarious ) poor DSGF, seven years later she still remembers the shock!!

DF - "no we don't want any carollers / catalogues / dusters today" everytime I knock the front door.

DFIL makes lots of 'jokes' about SMIL - ie "I cooked a lovely curry. I tried to save you some but Mary ate it all. Her belly doesn't come cheap you know..." Etc
Disclaimer - MARY ISNT HER REAL NAME
I hate this - have also pointed it out but they both giggle along and tell me it's funny.

At recent wedding, father of the bride told fake stories of the brides 'misspent youth' including that he caught her with drugs at one point. She works in addiction support and had colleagues there. The story fell flat and she spent part of the afternoon trying to explain that the story never happened

And I also know the 'pretend arguement' couple that has tension. They 'bicker' over financial stuff mostly, and bring in the group - eg "can you believe she expects me to buy her clothes? She should buy her own don't you think?" While she smiles and says "oh X ssshh" giggle giggle.
Or worse - when having a 'discussion' about division of chores, the man said "I'm not asking much. Handbag doesn't moan when her DH is home late, she just gets on with cooking dinner. Maybe we should do a wife swap?" All said while approaching me and putting his arm around my shoulders while he and partner are glaring at each other but giggling away

Oh god, you'd all hate me and DH, not to mention my Dad. We LOVE shit humour. Not inappropriate stuff (well, only innuendo) but we have loads of repetitive and unfunny-to-anyone else gags.

My mum does a great like in 'playing the fool'. She's perfectly capable but the moment she has an audience she plays scatty and I presume we are all supposed to say 'oh what are you like!' and have a good old chuckle. The truth is its bloody wearing!

Don't live anywhere near her anymore thank Christ but the examples include

Pretending to lose her passport at the airport just as our flight gate got announced, cue stressful rushing around retracing steps then 'oh yes! I put it in that pocket! I remember now!! Silly me!'

Leaving all Christmas dinner shopping to 7pm Christmas Eve when she'd insisted on hosting and thinking it was funny that we had a small turkey crown between 12 people. Half a slice each!!! No roast potatoes! baked beans to 'bulk out' the meal!

If she comes to visit she will invariably say she thinks she's going to miss the train then not answer her phone so I've got no idea if she's on her way or not, she'll often have told me the wrong time of train anyway so I'm either not the to meet her or hanging around staring at everyone piling off each train.

Without fail she ALWAYS follows everything up with a Facebook status at how 'hilariously disorganised' she is

My Dad tells some awful jokes, but generally does it with such jollity that it is hard not to laugh at him. On meeting my in-laws to be for the first time though, at our wedding venue about 9 months before our wedding, he proceeded to tell a joke that fell absolutely flat on its face, my in laws are very old fashioned, straight laced people who were not too impressed!

• Jimmy and Jock were discussing a recent wedding Jimmy had attended.

Jimmy, "It was a good Scottish wedding, the groom wore a kilt."
Jock, "What was the tartan?"
Jimmy, "The tart? She was wearing white but I don't know how she got away with it!"

I still laugh thinking about MILs shocked face, but it really is a terrible joke.

Mad hatter how does she think that's funny?!? That's just infuriating !!! I wouldn't pick her up if she insists on dicking you around that much??

I'd just like to say I quite like silly humour and even so-bad-their-good puns - but it sort of depends on the delivery?? If the 'joker' laughs at his own jokes continuously that's when it gets tiresome i think..

*they're not their

Have you noticed how angry some jokers get when their joke doesn't go down well?
Embarrassment I could understand but anger?

I once went to a concert on a first date - it was Avril Lavigne, we were in our early twenties, and also his choice to go. He stood in the foyer, looked around and said to me "fucking hell can you believe the fanny in here?" Avril Lavigne gig = full of very young girls. He claims it was a joke and to this day I don't know if I believe him. Either way he either has a really shit sense of humour, or he's a raving paedophile. Never saw him again...

I love this thread.

Some very close friends had a hideously awful best man speech. I honestly think he'd Googled jokes with the groom's name in, and just repeated them.

There was a long joke about how 'James' and his new mother in law were going to disagree about various things as MIL is Catholic and James is not. The joke hinged on MIL's Catholicism. As he trundled through it, MIL was looking around, bewildered, and making it very clear that she is, in fact, not Catholic.

He then distributed copies of a childhood photo of the groom, and attempted to lead the room in an acapella chorus of 'Isn't she lovely?' with some words changed to make it about him. It was awful.

flamingo yes I know, she does my head in!

She must have known it was wearing a bit thin as she drove down last time, she'd never been to mine before but knew the address, I refused to respond to her usual 'oh I'll be in such a flap how will I find you?!! Message, and lo and behold she turned up at my door on time with no drama

She's not meaning to be funny but she does an amazing hammed-up 'I'm going to faint' routine when we go shopping. We go in all the shops she wants to go to and I'm really patient and then the first one I get to that's my choice, she comes over all peculiar, shakes her hands, clutched the handrail on the escalator and says shit like 'oh my god I can't see properly, don't let go of my arm!' and we have to leave. This is usually remedied by my buying her a cappuccino and a slice of cake at the nearest cafe

I never ever go shopping with her if I can help it!

Oh the AIBU threads I could start about her!

I have a series of kitchen based jokes..... So last night I lobbed a leak across the kitchen and said 'argh! I've sprung a leak!' And 'running out of Thyme'....blush oh god.

That's actually exactly the type of pun I am prone to making.

If a pun is possible, I'll make it.

Have you noticed how angry some jokers get when their joke doesn't go down well?Embarrassment I could understand but anger?

For some people, the only negative reaction they can express is anger. So I suppose it is that.

I think the kitchen jokes sound funny! I like goofy humour like that. It's funny if the deliverer also knows it crap. That works.
And YES people - especially middle aged men get very annoyed if you don't laugh at their 'jokes'. It's a pride thing and them believing that women should think they're wonderful I reckon.