To ask what's the worst 'sense of humour' you ever experienced? (Light hearted - I bet you lot have some absolute clangers)

[Flamingo1980]

So I've just got back from seeing some friends and met a friend of theirs for the first time. Christ it was about ten shades of painful. She just kept making these terrible - jokes - if you can even call it that. Whatever they were she thought she was hilarious.
Her idea of comedy was just to say something that was the opposite of the truth, and then pause, laugh, and then exclaim, "I'm joking!". Over and over.
Example: Me: "So how are you finding living here?"
Her: "I hate it!!!.....pause...laughs loudly... No not really I love it!!....HHAHAHAAAAA!"
Etc etc. This continued for some time in the same pattern until I wanted to gauge my eyes out with a fork.
It was that sort of "Awkward uncle at Christmas" humour but without the thinly vieled racism and smut.

Can you lot now make me feel better by regaling me with 'painful humour' anecdotes please!

[vladthedisorganised]

Flamingo he was a very unique character.. (I hope!)

It's interesting about "cheeky" humour as I've seen some women do it as well, usually to children - "Your mother must be ashamed of you, looking like that! You look like something the cat dragged in!" (waits for baffled expression from DD) "I'm only JOKING! Silly girl!"

It is a type of one-upmanship and it's incredibly tedious.

[MyBreadIsEggy]

My Uncle.
He is known as Uncle Knobhead (y'know, Peter Kay says there's one in every family!).
He is just generally very socially awkward, drops terrible jokes which just cause tumbleweed silence over and over.....so then if the opportunity is available, he starts drinking - presumably to lessen the awkwardness for himself - and it just gets worse
His heart is in the right place, and he would never deliberately set out to upset someone or make someone uncomfortable - it just happens in his presence

[Shodan]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who hates practical jokes! I thought I was some kind of weirdo for not finding them funny.

Actually one of the women in this group of friends used to do the 'cheeky humour' thing a lot- essentially making an offensive remark of some kind then following it up by saying "I was only joking!" I managed to cure her of that one by just flatly saying "But jokes are supposed to be funny, and that wasn't."

[HooseRice]

Was on hols with my much younger brother who was 5 at the time. My mother and I went to collect him from the kids' club film night. Mum and I had been off the complex premises for dinner which was allowed under their rules if they had your mob number.

When we got outside the door there were parents waiting and we were told they were still watching the film as there had been a delay. One of the mums turned to us and said "they're delayed because a little boy had an asthma attack and was taken away in an ambulance...they couldn't find the parents". My brother had asthma so we panicked. The woman then said "ha...only joking!"

By the time I'd finished bollocking her she was about 2 inches tall. I hope the idiot didn't tell a "joke" like that again.

[KatharinaRosalie]

Sirona I hope you loudly admired what a cute, TINY wee lad he had.

[HumbleCrumble]

At a hen do, with the hen's mum, MIL-to-be and other older relatives present. Hen's mum is known to be very conservative, wasn't happy that they lived together before marriage, etc.

Chief bridesmaid organises a "Mr & Mrs" type game, with answers from the groom she got in advance. All good fun, until she starts asking questions like "what's your favourite sexual position?" and "where's the weirdest place you've had sex?" The hen was totally mortified and refused to answer, the hen's mother was horrified, but the bridesmaid just laughed and read out the groom's answers to everyone anyway.

The hen ended up locking herself in the toilet in tears, while the bridesmaid continued to insist it was a brilliant joke. Hilarious.

[Jackie0]

It's.a pity the groom didn't deter her

[Jackie0]

So much humour , specially the insult followed by only joking is thinly veiled nastiness , I can't stand it.

[Sirona]

Katharina I would have loved to have said I had a witty retort but it was greeted by stunned silence - and then the bollocking (ha) of his life. Should have reported it but being very young and his first job I just made him very aware I could have ŕeported it and he would have lost his job. Dare say I would have a better answer these days :)

[dingdongdigeridoo]

I worked with a guy who thought he was HILARIOUS and SO EDGY OMG. He watched a lot of Family Guy and thought it would amuse us so much to hear constant lame 'jokes'.

Examples:

Colleague: Oh you were off yesterday. What was wrong?
Idiot: I have AIDS, hahahaha, I caught AIDS from gay sex!

Colleague: What's everyone up to this weekend?
Idiot: I'm going to fuck your mum. Hahaha, your mum is a slag. etc.

The worst thing was, our boss was just way too weak to do anything about it. It wasn't until he told some joke about gang rape in front of a director that he was punished. By basically being given a promotion and his own office so he wouldn't be able to crack as many jokes in front of people.

I also sat through a best man's speech where most of the jokes were about the bride's vagina after giving birth to twins. There was a stunned silence. The BM thought he was so hilarious that he giggled and snorted his way through the speech.

[sparechange]

I've got 'wacky uncle bob' who is reason enough to pine for the old days of no social media
Without fail, every Friday night is a picture of his curry and beer night with the boys, and then every Saturday morning, he does his poo report. They get graded on various criteria and then either the curry or beer get the blame, along with 'jokes' invoking the national stereotype of which country the beer came from ('a real stinker today that didn't put up any fight. That'll be the French beers' etc etc)

On the rare occasions I see him at family occasions with drinks, we get a few nod nod wink wink jokes about this poo and drink of choice.

I would block him, but his wife, my lovely lovely aunt, is currently undergoing cancer treatment and uses his Facebook page to update us all on how she is, because she doesn't have her own account

[Flamingo1980]

I haven't been to a wedding in ages but it seems the latest thing is just to make an absolute mockery of the bride on her special day in front of all her friends and family and wonder why no one is laughing - excruciating!

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

Oh dear. Some of these are hilarious from an outsiders point of view at how cringe worthy they are in RL!

I hate practical jokes too.

But I do that drive forward thing to DH . Mainly because he will have been up the longest and only had himself to get ready, yet I'll get myself and oversee DCs getting ready and make sure we have everything and we are still all sat in the car waiting for him.

[Flamingo1980]

Harrypotter I would do that too as its more of a punishment than a joke!

[blushrush]

I went on a first date with a chap. We happened to be in the pub when some people dressed in Steampunk came in (there was a big event that weekend)

Him: "Well, the freaks are certainly out tonight! Hahahaha!"
Me:" I'm a Steampunker...."
Him: "Hahahaha! Really! No...they're so weird! Trying to get attention. You're not, are you?!"

I had to tell him three more times and he still laughed every time like it was hilarious.

The date ended shortly after.

[GeekLove]

I remember during a hideous group project at University working with one man who had ONE joke, and which got brought out at least once a month.

'Durham was where the Pink Panther was born.

Durham Durham Durham Durham Durh_ham... '

Cue tumbleweed and offended look when no one laughs.

Naturally he would take offence if no one found it funny and he was very easily offended.

[ItsBrexshit]

The best man said "I know the groom has been sent down a few times but I didn't think he would ever get a life sentence ". The bride's family were totally unaware of the groom's past.

[quirkychick]

Another wedding one, the father of the bride very drunk and in his speech making jokes about the bride overcoming an eating disorder. We were all . Another family member tried to heckle him to stop, but no, he just carried on. The bride didn't speak to him for ages after...

[sugarplumpfairy]

God yes! Then they say something like ''you don't know how to take me do you, have laugh'' Err well I would but your sense of humour is shit

[Flamingo1980]

Blimey, weddings also seem to be a prime time for people revealing hidden pasts, -again in front of all your friends and family on your special day - how is that okay?? What are people thinking??

[BursarsFrogs]

The worst thing that comes to my mind was a long distance bf of a sort, who once out of the blue emailed me pictures of dead, beaten up animals. I was absolutely horrified and didn't understand what could possess him to do something like that. Apparently it was a joke.

[suspiciousofgoldfish]

I'm reading through these as the cold realisation dawns that I am one of these people

Example -

When DH and I finished signing legal documents for buying our house (quite a long and complicated process so had met solicitor quite a few times), I cheerily called

"Bye then! See you again for the divorce, no doubt!"

She replied, totally deadpan,
"Actually that will be my with colleague X"

DH was mortified.

[FruStefanOla]

Background to this story is that I'm pretty ancient and was adopted many many years ago. For those of us who were adopted back then, if we wanted to know what was in our adoption file we had to have a meeting/chat with a social worker. Some years ago I had arranged such a meeting with a SW at the Family Records Centre in central London, as I live in London (I believe the FRC is no longer in the building I went to then).

I'd taken the day off work, as had DP who came with me for moral support. When we arrived I announced myself to the commissionaire on duty at reception. Another couple had also arrived just after we had and they stood close to us at the reception desk. I said to the commissionaire that I was 'Fru' and had a meeting with MrsSW. The commissionaire just said "she's not in today". I was utterly nonplussed, but produced the letter confirming my appointment and reiterated that I had an appointment with MrsSW. I glanced at the woman who had arrived just after us and she looked close to tears. She said "but we've just come down on the train from Leeds (or somewhere similar) for my meeting with Mrs SW".

She and I looked at each other momentarily, both of us quite distraught. I had a fleeting thought about what a PITA it was going to be to rearrange the meeting and take another day off work for me - but my heart went out to this woman, and her DH, who had come all the way from Leeds (or wherever it was).

And then the commissionaire said "I'm joking, MrsSW is in today. Please go through to the waiting room through there and I'll let her know you're here".

What a callous 'joke' for people who were in a vulnerable situation

[Ineedmorelemonpledge]

When my friend forces me to watch clips of Mrs Browns boys and she's practically peeing her pants and expecting me to join in because it's the funniest thing on tv.

Six years she's known me. I keep telling her I don't find it funny, but I'm just not allowed my own opinion on it.

I'm odd because I really don't find it funny to watch an infantile bloke in a dress swear and show his knickers apparently.