AIBU to do a 'no presents please' party?

[inlovewithhubby]

Desperately trying to distract myself from Brexit with party planning.

Daughter's 5th bday party in early September. Party is for pre school friends, other friends and some new school friends she doesn't know as well and who aren't 'friends' yet but who will be in her new class - I thought including those kids in her class who live locally and whose parents we know would be a good start to school.

Would I be unreasonable to ask people (apart from her bezzy mates) not to bring gifts? It will be big - 25 to 30 including some siblings - and that many presents would be far far too much. And how would I word it without appearing chippy or accidentally assuming gift giving in the first place?!

We always did no present parties til eldest started school. It worked really well with our friends. Now all her classmates share parties and usually ask invitees to bring one gift per party to share out. That works well too but again we know these people and have similar views on massive present hauls. This time though I'll potentially be asking people I don't know as well and don't want to appear rude/weird/chippy because of Brexit. Would love your advice.

Sorry but I don't do party bags either! Big piece of cake and a balloon at the end and the kids are very happy. Of course mine love a party bag, but they don't miss them at their own parties and no other child has asked about them (to my face - if it prompts a conversation on the way home then that's no bad thing either in my view). And it's caught on with the rest of my eldest's class - many more party bag conscientious objectors now who don't do them and kids therefore expect them less. Win win.

I've already said she'll get presents from good friends. I've already explained why I'm extending from the usual 10 to a larger group, as an informal 'welcome to your school friends' event which will benefit both my daughter and other kids. It is an unusual number for that reason, and I therefore feel reasonable parents will accept my explanation and, who knows, it might catch on and relief some of the social and financial pressure that we parents put on ourselves.

Relieve not relief

I think it's not a problem to ask your guests not to bring gifts. But if they do, you can always put them in the trash can if they're useless.

Ds is older now but I always brought presents to no present parties for ds' sake. Because inevitablely at no present parties people Do bring them, this happened once when ds went to a no present party. Kids brought presents anyway, we had not. Despite explaining to ds why not, he was embarrassed and thought we couldn't afford it!

So it was presents from that day on. Give it away if you must.

Tower - I think that sort of conversation is all good learning for kids though? I don't think anyone really notices who brings what since they all get shoved on a (massive grabby) table at the beginning and hauled home in a sack at the end - I've seen the sack and it makes me feel a bit sick to be honest. It's crackers isn't it?

Can you not contact your local women's refuge, they would love the gifts for the children there..

But then wouldn't the parent of her friend who bought the Lego set/paint brushes/sticker book then think 'well why didn't they say not to bother?'. Id rather say no thanks and make a donation (which we do anyway). Kids talk and if you actively involved your child in the choice of what to give away (presumably the point) then info is bound to trickle out and could be even more offensive.

OH and I witnessed his nephews and nieces being given several black bin bags worth of stuff each at Christmas one year. This was all stuff from close family, but it was simply overwhelming. And they had already had their main presents from their parents and stockings on Christmas Day a few days earlier! The kids went into a frenzy, and they weren't even looking at the presents, just whipping off paper and on to the next one. As soon as we got in the car we said we never wanted that for our children (this was before we had our DS).
I don't think giving the stuff away to charity really addresses the issue though.

Outsider I'm completely with you. Like you, I'm trying to counter the consumerism at source rather than deal with the aftermath.

i would think it a bit odd, like, to no presents. i am in a minority and for presents, depending on how good friends my dc1 (5 years old), we put a sweet treat present thing with a £5 or £10 note.

rolly getting birthday money is lovely! But I suppose you can't really specify 'cash only' OP!

Dancer - I agree! Though kids do love receiving coins and notes and storing it up for something they actually want. But to be honest we don't want cash either, we just want them to come and enjoy the party - no strings! Surely that's reasonable when we're heading for a MAHOOSIVE economic crisis? I didn't mean to make that capitals, it intuitively went MAHOOSIVE, how funny!

OP, not sure why you posted really, you have clearly decided this is what you are going to do.

Not true, I've listened to everyone and come to a conclusion. Opinion is pretty evenly divided on here so I'm content that my views are neither irrational nor unreasonable. Which was the point of my original post.

I know dancer not even a tiny bit of me thinks op actually believes that she is being unreasonable!

Errr, why would I post at all if I didn't have a glimmer of thought to that effect? Im hardly a prolific instigator of chat on here. I'm aware it's fairly unusual and was after a feel for how the general population would receive it. Just a weird thing to say Nickyeds?

Oh dear, OP, it appears you haven't done enough hand wringing to satisfy everyone. Not sure why it's unacceptable, for instance, to be 90% sure about something and post on AIBU to make sure there isn't something blindingly obvious you haven't considered.