AIBU to do a 'no presents please' party?

[inlovewithhubby]

Desperately trying to distract myself from Brexit with party planning.

Daughter's 5th bday party in early September. Party is for pre school friends, other friends and some new school friends she doesn't know as well and who aren't 'friends' yet but who will be in her new class - I thought including those kids in her class who live locally and whose parents we know would be a good start to school.

Would I be unreasonable to ask people (apart from her bezzy mates) not to bring gifts? It will be big - 25 to 30 including some siblings - and that many presents would be far far too much. And how would I word it without appearing chippy or accidentally assuming gift giving in the first place?!

We always did no present parties til eldest started school. It worked really well with our friends. Now all her classmates share parties and usually ask invitees to bring one gift per party to share out. That works well too but again we know these people and have similar views on massive present hauls. This time though I'll potentially be asking people I don't know as well and don't want to appear rude/weird/chippy because of Brexit. Would love your advice.

They are 5, it is a party very early in the school year (so I suppose actually most are 4) - I don't think you should do 'no presents'.

You have about 5 years ahead of you of playground crazes and plastic tat and it is actually a really lovely part of childhood. There is a lot of pleasure in choosing and giving presents, and in the unwrapping, and in the charity shop clearouts.

Kids love choosing presents for parties and may not possibly understand why they can't take one.

Could you not donate them to charity and/or give them as raffle prizes to the school?

I don't see why you wouldn't allow your daughter to have her presents. I feel like its a bit mean.

"I think it would be really mean not to allow a child to have as many presents as possible at a party."

Seriously??? Receiving ten or so (nice and wanted) presents (which is around the number dd receives from family and close friends) isn't adequate? She needs to have 40 otherwise its 'mean'?

A number of posters seem to be worried about causing offence, rocking the boat etc, which is understandable.

But as another poster said, if we all tried to act a bit more rationally we might change things for the better.
I don't really want to encourage dd to think waste and excessive consumerism are ok. And neither do I want other children to feel left out of birthday parties (and I do want to reciprocate invites).
It should be perfectly possibly to have a whole class party without 30 presents.

I once said "please do not feel you have to bring a gift" on party invitations. This was because the party was not very close to DD's birthday, though. It was quite good as some people brought gifts and some didn't.

It's a bit niggardly to specify no presents, sort of saying "I can cover all my child's wants and needs without any outside help, thank you very much!"

The best solution I've had is that a parent volunteers to collect a certain small fixed sum of money from people who want to give a collective present and all their names go on a card. People who opt out give their own present, big or small or recycled. If that extends to the birthdays of the whole class, even better.

Knowing the option of a collective present is available means the amount of tat is greatly reduced and the child can get an "important" present from their classmates.

you cant, its weird. Just regift them like everyone else does

Saying "no gifts please" is fine, people may well still bring them, or do other things in place, that also doesn't matter, but by saying that explicitly you don't want gifts it may also allow people who would've declined because they cannot afford a gift to attend. That's a good thing.

You definitely can't have some bring presents, and others not. Those not turning up with a gift will feel mean.
You will find that even if you write no presents on the invitation, lots of people will still turn up with them.
I don't think you can ask for money - not for a child's party with her friends.

Does the party have a theme at all, that gifts could be around. Eg a craft party and people "don't feel you need to bring a gift, but if you would like to xx would love some craft items" type of thing. Or ask for books?

When we had a party for DTs, with two whole classes invited, I asked for no gifts but a cash present if people really wanted to buy something as they could then put them towards a games console for both to share. The year before we did it and had 60 presents to find room for.

For any future invite you get ask if the birthday child wants cash or a pressie. I prefer to give cash (it's easier) and a £2 thing to unwrap like chocolate or a puzzle book.
You will still get people that bring gifts.

You have a tiny window in your life where your child is young and innocent enough to get excited by presents, parties, cake, Christmas, Easter bunny, whatever.

Don't ruin it.

This sounds like a great idea to me, OP. Our DS is still very young but I cringe at the sack-loads of stuff given given to his older nieces and nephews every birthday and Christmas. I can only imagine they get even more stuff from friends & classmates at their parties. Personally I would not feel offended in the slightest by seeing "No gifts please" on the invitation, on the contrary I'd be delighted at having one less thing on my 'to do' list.

I'll potentially be asking people I don't know as well and don't want to appear rude/weird/chippy because of Brexit

What's Brexit got to do with your child's party?

could you not just design a nice invite to 'a no present party' or be totally honest on it and say we have no expectation that anyone would want to bring a gift so please feel free to come along to enjoy our company or words to that effect

I'd have thought quite a few parents would be relieved at a present-free party! Start a trend!

I wouldn't say anything. It's your daughter's birthday, not yours.

I believe there is a concerted effort to get Brexit into every single subject on MN. We've had a spoof divorce convo amongst all the neighbours, parents, Poles and other decidedly awful racist posts, and now it's in a child's birthday party convo!

Fantastic. What a lovely lot us Brits, naturalised Brits, citizens, etc are turning out to be, here on MN.

OP, really, please tell me exactly what relevance Brexit has to you asking people not to give presents? I feel like I'm missing something here. Why on earth would anyone think you requesting no presents is down to Brexit?! Seriously?

Nobody is ruining their child's party or childhood by trying to limit the tide of presents they get. Kids have so much stuff, the vast majority of them really don't need any more gifts. (I'm talking about here in the UK before anyone jumps down my throat.) Personally I think it's far more selfish to go on buying tonnes of stuff we don't need, irrespective of our limited resources and regardless of what it's doing to the planet for future generations, than it is to say 'no gifts please.' A party isn't about presents, anyway.

Do you say no presents to your friends and family when it's your birthday, or is it just your kid's chips you like to piss on?

I always think the 'no presents' rule is crappy for the birthday child. Unless they chose it. Otherwise it's just being imposed on them for no good reason. They're only ever going to get gift overload at birthdays and Christmas, so I don't understand parental objection to it.

"No good reason"? How about:
The planet is a bloody mess and the last thing we need is more landfill.
The house is already full of DCs stuff.
Parents want DCs to actually value the things they have, and having a bit less is one way to achieve this.
Parents don't want presents to become the purpose of birthday's and other occassions.
Parents would rather their child focus on experiences rather than meaningless stuff.
Parents don't want family & friends forking out for stuff that their DC doesn't actually need....
....and many other excellent reasons, I'm sure.

Nobody is pissing on this child's chips by saying 'no thanks' to more toys they don't need. You're doing a child a favour, in so many ways.

How will you explain it to your dd when she attends all the other kid's parties and sees them laden down with presents? Why they "deserve" them and she apparently doesn't?
All the reasons proffered on this thread make perfect sense to adults (but even then seem very joyless), but will have no meaning whatsoever for a small child.
The other guests themselves, too, will think it's weird...
She could well end up as the only child in a whole year of parties that wasn't allowed to have any presents

Flogging what's wrong with just telling a child that they didn't have presents at their party because they already have so many nice things they really didn't need any more. And then focussing on how much fun the party games were, how yummy the cake was, how nice it was to see everyone, etc. Surely all parents will at some stage need to explain to a child that they do something different in their house/family than in a friend's house/family. This is just one of those things, isn't it? It's not depriving a child to have a few less birthday gifts.

Didn't you start a thread last week complaining that people had turned up to a party your mum hosted without bringing her a gift Outsider?