AIBU to want to not be friends because she's so stupid

[EveryCloudhasl]

I have a 'friend' who I met through previous job which tbh I cannot stand purely for the fact she is completely and utterly thick. I know this sounds really harsh but everytime I see her she says something else and I just get so irritated. It wouldn't be so bad but she clearly has no idea and can be quite outspoken at times (even when she is completely wrong). I would give examples of stupid things she has thought or said but it would probably get me found out but for one a couple of days after the referendum I expressed my view about it and she said 'what is it' like she genuinely had no idea what it was, didn't know what the eu was, didn't know people were voting..then went on to say 'oh well I probably would have voted such and such (opposite to me)'. I try to be polite but I just want to scream at her. She contacts me at least twice a week to meet and I don't know how to stop..

Yanbu. You can't be friends with everyone. I had a colleague I got on well with at work. I stayed in touch when I left and met for drinks a few times. It soon became apparent we weren't friends. I found her dull and too intense. I tried to force myself but couldn't.

I would rather have an undemanding natter about the weather than a debate with someone who is unconsciously marking me out of 10.

I had an ex who behaved like that. Because he sat and watched Question Time with his mum and was studying journalism, he believed himself to be an intellectual cut above. He was always trying to undermine me and set me up to look stupid (and I owed him NOTHING in terms of intelligence or education level), and consequently I'd often get flustered having conversations with or around him. He was happy to show me up in order to make himself look smarter than me. It was quite horrible.

im with u op cant stand that

its obvious from the quote of friends u want shot of her just ignore her phone calls

i know people who have degrees-still thick as shite

sorry how can you not know about the referendum my sister who doesnt get into politics at all started learning about it coz its bloody important

I am not particularly intelligent, and am very aware of it, I very often worry after conversations with friends if I have said something stupid and maybe not even been aware of it! I also often ramble, because I get nervous about coming across as an idiot- this doesn't help also often totally over analyze conversations later on, from friends perspective to see if I could imagine how what I said may have looked to them.
My advice would be to be kind to her, see her at yoga class, but leave it there. No socializing etc. There's nothing worse than the sudden realization that someone you trust was your friend actually thinks you a bumbling fool- I speak from experience.

As well as there being different levels of intelligence, there are different kinds of intelligence. My mum asked me how she should vote in this referendum because politics frightens her. She was brought up in a society that did not value the opinions of women, at a time when women did "housewifery" at school and critical thinking or information literacy were non-existent in schools. As a result she is crippled with uncertainty and doubt when it comes to politics or current affairs. She thinks she is too stupid to understand, she will even avoid saying certain words because she is afraid she will pronounce them incorrectly. It breaks my heart - because underneath all of that insecurity is a woman who can take one look at you and know that something is wrong. There is a woman who has lived through so many hardships and has such a wealth of experience. She is not "thick" - she is wonderful.

My point is that watching the news does not give you intelligence. Being informed about current affairs doesn't make you intelligent. Look at Nigel Farrage!!

YANBU to begrudge spending time with someone you don't like. To do so would be to miss the point of friendship! You can tell her directly which won't go down well or you could try and phase her out subtle. I'd opt for the latter unless I thought she really needed putting in her place lol.

Warning: being around stupid is dangerous

It must be quite relaxing to not know what the EU and a referendum is. So many people seem panicked and scared, sometimes it's better to be a bit dense!

My point is that watching the news does not give you intelligence. Being informed about current affairs doesn't make you intelligent

No, but it makes you less ignorant, and thats a good start.

Your place to judge? OP.Good luck with that,maybe someone else is judging you.Judgy pants firmly hoiked up then.

You are not obliged to be friends with anybody, the same way you are not obliged to be in a relationship with anybody.

If you don't enjoy talking to her or spending time with her then you don't have to.

It doesn't matter if your reason is because she's stupid, or ignorant, or has an annoying voice, or always wears perfume that reminds you of your ex, or any other reason. It doesn't matter how trivial the reason may seem, or how judgemental.

You don't enjoy her company, so you don't have to be her friend.

I would not enjoy spending time with the person you describe either.

YANBU but you shouldn't encourage her into thinking you're friends - that isn't fair

User blah blah blah

It really doesn't - perhaps if our mainstream media didn't espouse such a load of old bollocks I'd agree with you but as it stands no one ever knows the truth of any situation. So no watching the news does NOT make you less ignorant. It just fills your head with information that people with an agenda want you to know. Like if you vote "leave" the nhs will be £350 million better off! As I said - intelligence is about a whole lot more than watching the telly. For me the news is as made up as Made In Chelsea.

This will probably out me but...
I go to a craft group. There is a woman there in her early to mid 50s, let's called her Jennifer (not her name). She doesn't listen to the radio, watch tv, use a computer or read a newspaper. She has no idea of what is happening in the world. She is independently wealthy, her mother died a couple of years ago, and left her a very nice house. Jennifer lives alone and she does voluntary work for a charity, mainly ringing other rich people for donations I think. She is completely clueless. She drives me and another friend bonkers. My DM died a few months ago and at the last craft group Jennifer asked me if I missed my mother! I was absolutely furious and managed to bite my tongue and say just, "What do you think, Jennifer, do you miss your mother?!" She said yes she did. She didn't seem to have any concept that this was an insensitive thing to say. She also seems to have an incredibly short memory and asks people the same question repeatedly. I have got to the point where I don't think I can stand to be in the same room as her and am going to have to give up this craft group (I really love this craft) so I don't have to spend any more time in her company.

she sounds like she has social problems or possibly alzheimers i dont know about being thick declutter

Scuse me for butting in, I'm new on MN, but I couldn't resist! I haven't been a member of a parenting forum for years, and I wanted to say what a truly interesting and well-mannered debate this is! I've never seen a contentious topic conducted with so much courtesy and respect for the other posters, despite a lot of opposing opinions. You should all be bloody proud of yourselves!

To add my twopenn'orth, I find myself agreeing with elements of all sides, probably totally contradicting myself or appearing slightly unhinged.
The intellectual me, who doesn't have much patience with people who can't keep up with my (much too fast) thought processing, and doesn't suffer fools much, thinks the OP isn't BU or even particularly unkind, just blunt. But as a PP said, that's a failing on my part, nobody else's.
The academic me, who was fortunate enough to have had an excellent education, would horrify some of you with my blatant ignorance of many topics, particularly current affairs! Not wilfully but because a lot of stuff somehow passes me by. Maybe I focus on certain things to the exclusion of others. Oblivious i suppose.
I'm educated to degree level, have an IQ somewhere around 155 (or I used to), yet I wasn't aware that the EU has been in existence since 1973. I was only vaguely aware that we were part of it, to tell the truth. I'm vague on the euro, don't really know enough about it to understand the financial and economic implications of the recent referendum, etc etc. Not because of a lack of resources or intelligence but because I've never got round to researching it. It's always been on my To-Do When The Kids Grow Up And I've Got The Time list.
I voted by listening to the opinions of very wise and informed friends whose political leanings are similar to my own. Crap but at least I'm honest.
Actually given that I'd accidentally painted DD2's entire room with gloss instead of emulsion that day, I probably shouldn't have been allowed to vote at all.

Ha... I've done the gloss instead of emulsion thing too. I like a shiny room! !

I have one of those too. We are in the same friendship group and she is quite nice and I do like her (been friends since we were 12) but I find her literally exhausting to talk to and I feel I have to really try hard not snap at her sometimes. I think if it weren't for the same friendship group we would have drifted apart a long time ago...

It might be that said 'friend' doesn't get social cues and genuinely lives in a bubble (perhaps some autistic traits). If she says things you really disagree with you'd really be doing her a favour by telling her that you disagree and why. She might genuinely learn another view point that way.. and ignorance just means 'no knowledge of'.. so she may not know things if you don't tell her.. but if she just irritates you and you cba having discussions (do u really just stay silent if she says sthg you are annoyed by rather than talking like adults?) Then don't keep being in her company. It's not doing either of you much good.

Witchywoowoo, serendipity, well said.

Haven't read the post in its entirety but calling someone "thick" just seems unnecessarily mean. If you don't like her, let it be for something a bit more meaningful and don't string her along- just stop responding to her messages etc. She'll eventually get the message - no matter how thick you may believe her to be!

Narky - it is similar TO and different FROM.

You can stop being friends with someone for whatever reason you want. You're not obliged to stay friends with them just because you once liked them a bit but don't any more. Whenever she contacts you asking to meet up or something, just say "oh god, now's really not a good time for me, I'm snowed under. Speak later!" or some other vague, non-committal ending and leave it at that. She'll probably get bored of trying after a while and the friendship will be dissolved.

Alternatively, be honest about why you don't want to be friends with her. Find a less harsh way of saying "you're too thick to be my friend" though...

Just refuse going out with her and do not contact her anymore, if you don't like her, why would you keep this relationship? I don't see the point.

Thick or not...,she's not your friend, so stop spending time with her. I see this on here all the time and don't get it. People referring to 'friends' when they actually mean acquaintance / colleague / former colleague / random woman they met a couple of times in 1994 and now can't shake off.

Friends are one of life's great blessings. They make your roar with laughter, they can pick you up when you're low, they can gently point out when you're being a dick, they will come round at 3am to help if you needed them to. And you will do the same for them. You could not see them for 3 years and the conversation picks up like it was yesterday.

This is just someone objectionable you've somehow got trapped into a weekly downward dog with. Set yourself free!