AIBU to want to not be friends because she's so stupid

[EveryCloudhasl]

I have a 'friend' who I met through previous job which tbh I cannot stand purely for the fact she is completely and utterly thick. I know this sounds really harsh but everytime I see her she says something else and I just get so irritated. It wouldn't be so bad but she clearly has no idea and can be quite outspoken at times (even when she is completely wrong). I would give examples of stupid things she has thought or said but it would probably get me found out but for one a couple of days after the referendum I expressed my view about it and she said 'what is it' like she genuinely had no idea what it was, didn't know what the eu was, didn't know people were voting..then went on to say 'oh well I probably would have voted such and such (opposite to me)'. I try to be polite but I just want to scream at her. She contacts me at least twice a week to meet and I don't know how to stop..

I think calling someone a 'friend' when you're clearly not her friend, is pretty thick to be fair.

Besides, it depends on what you want from a friendship.

I have a friend who doesn't read the newspapers, never watches the news, avoids talking about politics and world affairs at all cost, because those things make her anxious.

She might not know much about current affairs, politics, history or even geography, but she's one of the nicest people I've ever met.

She would do anything for anyone and nothing is too much trouble. I wouldn't give a shit if she didn't know anything about the EU, the referendum or anything else for that matter.

I'm more put off by ignorance, personally. Some people can't help not being very bright, but being wilfully ignorant isn't something I can tolerate in a friendship.

If someone is nice but dim, I can deal with that. Kindness matters much more to me than intelligence. On the other hand, I know people who are highly intelligent who I won't befriend, due to their massive superiority complexes and constant need to lord their supreme intelligence over anyone they deem 'lesser' than them intellectually. It works both ways. I just prefer my friends to be kind people who accept others for who they are - it's not written anywhere that you HAVE to be friends with people you don't naturally rub along with.

"Just because someone ... doesn't pay as much attention to the world about them as others it doesn't mean they're thick".
You're right, it doesn't.
But how the hell has someone - anyone - managed not to notice the referendum happening?!
I would have to wonder what exactly she is using her brain for instead.
And I would condemn her for being so wilfully ignorant about her world.
I would find it difficult to respect her lack of curiosity.
As PPs have implied, you can't really be friends with someone you don't respect.
I disagree that the OP is being cruel or unkind.
She has kept her opinions to herself (well, except for posting here of course!)
A bitch would have made sure that the ex-colleague knows exactly what she thinks of her.

LuciaInFurs You must have high standards. Teacher training courses are highly competitive and your friend will need to have good GCSE's/A levels as well as at least a 2:1 degree in most institutions (at least a 2:2). And paid training routes tend to get filled with candidates with first class degrees. She will also have had to pass the new, more challenging, skills tests in English and Maths and get through a very competitive interview process.
I can't begin to imagine how intelligent you must be if you consider her lack of intelligence terrifying

I don't mind people being ignorant, or not academically bright...but I can't cope with people who are either illogical (know all the relevant data but still come to a provably incorrect conclusion) or who are slow joining the dots (get to the right conclusions but only after painfully slow re-evaluation of all the facts or weeks of dithering).

I consider it a character flaw in myself - particularly the difficulty interfacing with people who don't like to think on their feet....because getting there with slow consideration is just as valuable and more often leads to a better answer than speed thinking.

I think the "thick" person in your friendship is the two faced one who continues to be friends with someone they say they "cannot stand", "irritates" them and they "want to scream at".

I'm sure you can work out how to stop seeing someone all by yourself

Friend: a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.

so YABVU to call "friend" someone you can't stand and you insult. If you don't like them, don't see them, you really only have to make an effort with work colleagues/ clients, and family members.

Maybe just stop meeting her? Everyone believes they have intelligence, humour and style. If you are seeing someone just to be patronising and bitchy, it doesn't say much about you.

Is she kind? Is she thoughtful? Is she loyal? Is she compassionate? Is she funny? A good listener?

These are the things I would consider qualities I might enjoy in a friendship, not the intelligence of someone.

Not sure I would want to be your friend OP personally, you are unkind in your post.

Lauder apparently not that long ago there was a general election. I knew absolutely nothing about it until recently, even though dc school would have been closed for use as a polling station. Simply because at that point in my life I was experiencing severely crippling anxiety about every tiny thing. I avoided news and Internet like the plague, don't have friends to chat to so it was never mentioned that way, in quite a small non political town so no red buses/cars/leaflets anywhere. Quite simply, I was completely willfully ignorant of the world because I couldn't cope with anything, not news stories about assaults and murders and terrorism and doom and gloom, the worry that I felt over the stain in my (cheap and ugly) carpet wouldn't come out, and the literally sleepless nights I had because of it, irrational and pointless anxieties that stemmed off it proved to me I wasn't adapt to be a fully functioning involved adult at that point in time. I had more anxieties than a stained carpet obviously but that was my lowest point. And most irrational.

So people who are willfully ignorant aren't always willfully ignorant because they don't care. Some people are, but a lot of people aren't too. Sometimes folk just need to retreat from the world and recuperate before they're ready to get back out there

My grammar and paragraphing seem to have gone out the window there, sorry about that.

I couldn't care what level of intelligence my friends have, nor how they choose to form opinions. Unless they are straying into racist, homophobic, sexist type stuff.

The only people I refuse to have as friends are the really judgemental ones. You know, the ones who might make a judgement about someone else's level of intellect not being as good as theirs. Those people I tend to avoid like the plague.

Oh OP, do tell us your job!

i know sweet fa about the eu i did not know we had been in it since the 70s. i thought it was something that happend over past 5 years or so. i only know lttile bits that have been said over the past few days. so i still dont really know anything.. because i have never been told and never heard it spoken about... oh and because im thick.

I have a former work colleague who annoys me with her stupidity. She really wants to be best pals but some of the (daily) things she says (posts on fb) irritate me so much I find it hard to enjoy her company.
For example..
"Are Mr Kipling and Aunt Bessie related?" (She actually thinks they are real people).
Is Malaysia a real place?
What date is Halloween this year?
Robins only come out in the winter.
The Duke of Edinburgh and Prince Phillip are twin brothers.

Stop reading her fb then Janey ...?

I think it's more than you have nothing in common with her now that you've left your former workplace. It was only that which held you together.

I wouldn't be friends with someone like that either. I have come across people who wear their ignorance like a badge of honour, as if it's trendy to be thick. People who "never read a paper or watch the news" but can tell you in depth what the Kardashyans are up too. They are so shallow and ignorant of how the world works that making conversation is a chore, unless you want to discuss fake eyelashes, fake tan or holidays in Ibiza.

So she's thick and you can't stand her...but you're still hanging around pretending to be friends as if you're doing her a favour.

And you think she's thick.

Op you do sound quite nasty and and you come across that way, I hope she meets genuine friends who like her for who she is, and not her brain capacity. Yanbu to not want to be friends with her as you don't have much in common, but to call her thick, and to put yourself up, whilst putting her down, is awful.

It takes all sorts to make the world tick!

because i have never been told and never heard it spoken about

Really???? You have no natural curiosity to wonder about something you hear on the news and use Google to find out? We have literally the whole internet at our fingertips. Information has never been as easily accessible. Nobody is expected to be an expert on constitutional law, but to think the EU has only been around for 5 years is a bit much.

I recently had a similar conversation with my 10 year old who refused to accept that a penguin was a bird because it didn't fly and swam in the sea. She was dispatched off to do some Googling and Wikipedia-ing and soon realised she was wrong.

Letmehave Thank you, that's a fair point and well made.
Hope you are much better now

They are so shallow and ignorant of how the world works that making conversation is a chore, unless you want to discuss fake eyelashes, fake tan or holidays in Ibiza.

I dare say many people would think talking all about politics and the economy and how the world works, makes conversation a chore. If people want to discuss fake eyelashes and holidays in Ibiza, and you don't, why does that make you better than them?

People enjoy knowing about different things. Being more clued up about politics than showbusiness doesn't make a person superior.

I have no idea, really, who the Kardashians are. I have no interest in them at all. I'm always amazed I can say that and nobody bats an eyelid, but if someone says the same about politics, they are ignorant.

So don't be her friend! You'll be doing her - and you - a huge favour. You should note that being a bit stupid is no bar to being a decent human being. I had a friend who was very clever, well read, well informed, could grasp any concept in seconds - turned out to be the biggest liar, a cheat, double dealing low down piece of self serving shite ever - so there's really no telling is there!

Yabu. If someone is 'thick' that just means they don't have the advantage you have had

Not true. You can be thick because you don't care enough to learn about stuff, and because you're too lazy to think, rather than lacking the ability to. I know several people like this.

luna no i have never looked it up or googled as i had never heard of it. nothing to google if i had not heard of it.