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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about a holiday (EU FREE ZONE)

123 replies

Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 14:48

Had a holiday booked for a few months. It's 1 week away in the UK.

DS (14) texts me from his dad's on sat night asking if we are free "X date to X date. His dad always has him for a week or so in the summer but always arranges the dates with me first.

I said no that is when we are on holiday. He texts back saying oh well Dad (we split when I was PG it's all amicable and we both have new partners and other children) has a holiday booked then too he wants me to go.

I say well if your dad wanted you to go he should have checked it out with me first.

DS texts back saying I should run my dates past his dad first Shock I'm like Hmm you live with me so any time you aren't "normally" with your dad I would presume you are with me and there is no way I am running my holiday dates past him first.

DS wants to now split his holiday in 2 which I am really upset about as its my only week with the kids and am taking my step kids and will be the only adult as my OH had to go away (with the military) so already feel my "family" holiday is disintegrating.

AIBU to feel really bloody pissed off that his dad has discussed this directly with DS before discussing it with me as usual and has put me in a really shitty position of either only having a few days away with DS or being the bad guy and saying no you can't go with your dad. Sad

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 27/06/2016 22:11

Wow ,you sound really bitter . I will now quote Judge Judy - 'you are supposed to love your children more than you hate each other ' .

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 22:11

Yes yes I am still bitter after 14 years even though I am happily with someone else Hmm

You are going on like he's hard done by I was explaining that he isn't and he can see his son whenever he likes - he just isn't pissing all over my holiday.

OP posts:
LouBlue1507 · 27/06/2016 22:13

How is he pissing on your holiday when you didn't let him know the dates!!! Bloody hell!!

peachpudding · 27/06/2016 22:14

I dont get why you are bitter after fourteen years now?

I dont care about him, I am only thinking about your son and his right to see his father, you're making this about you. Its not!

PPie10 · 27/06/2016 22:15

So you would punish your son and 'insist' he doesn't go on holiday to prove a point? Your son is 14yo, old enough to decide what he wants to do.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 22:16

Please refer to my previous posts regarding the arrangements regarding dates.

You are just asking the same question repeatedly.

My son sees his father. He has a family and siblings here who would like to go on holiday with him too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 22:17

He has already bee on one holiday with his dad this year - at Easter.

He doesn't actually get much leisure time with his siblings as they only see each other EOW.

OP posts:
peachpudding · 27/06/2016 22:18

we are repeating same questions because your not giving sensible answers.

eg: Q, Why didnt you tell him you were away. A, why should I?

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 22:19

The answer was it has never worked that way.

OP posts:
PPie10 · 27/06/2016 22:19

But op he's at the age where he can decide where he spends his holidays. Do you really want to force him into spending time with his siblings? He might just not want to.

bloodyteenagers · 27/06/2016 22:19

Op I would just ignore some of the posters tbh.

You did nothing wrong. You don't have to tell him any days you are going on holiday. You don't have to even tell him you are going on holiday. You don't have to share any information at all. He should be the one to actually engage his brain for a moment and ask this information. He's managed
To do it for years and suddenly he didn't. You aren't a mind reader. He could have sent a text is ds free on these days?
Yes he might have had a family celebration of whatever. And? Still doesn't negate him from sending a quick text.

If you sent him every single bit of info what are the chances you would be told to stop spoon feeding him lol.

peachpudding · 27/06/2016 22:20

It doesn't make sense, you're making it sound like siblings and you hardly ever get to see DS but your have residency? Huh?

How is that?

Floralnomad · 27/06/2016 22:20

By siblings do you mean your step children ?

peachpudding · 27/06/2016 22:20

I get it never worked that way in the past, but your DS grew up and the old way has to be changed.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 22:21

Well he was pretty excited about it until Saturday when his dad told him he was also going away - as said previously he is trying to please us both - why do you think his dad asked him to text me rather than texting me himself?

Pretty shite IMO.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 22:22

Thanks bloodyteenagers

OP posts:
bloodyteenagers · 27/06/2016 22:22

Legally he may be old enough but not everyone has the capacity to do so (cannot think of the legal term).

peachpudding · 27/06/2016 22:24

I agree the dad didn't do himself any favours but maybe DS said to dad, can't I come with you instead? Is that possible?

But you didn't do any favours either you should have realised your son was old enough now that the old way of you dictating wasn't enough.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 22:24

Normally I would let him choose (although as said previously this has never happened before) but I am not going to be blackmailed into changing my plans because Ex forgot to ask.

OP posts:
bloodyteenagers · 27/06/2016 22:33

. What would have if say to stop the million questions you said UK holiday. When in fact it was a once in a lifetime suprise thing?
And I know I am not the only one who has done that and let the suprise
Out on the trip to the airport.

He played a game that could have spectacularly back fired.

Flywheel · 27/06/2016 22:35

Yanbu. At all. But for your sons sake, if it's possible I'd let him split the holiday, but let ex be responsible for transport. I suppose it depends how far apart you are.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 22:57

It is a UK holiday Grin

OP posts:
Oswin · 27/06/2016 23:07

Peach did you just say this is the kind of things that make men commit suicide?
Fuck right off.
You are so fucking offensive.

peachpudding · 27/06/2016 23:42

Oswin, can't you read? NO I did not say that. Fathers who are refused the right, and there are a lot of them, to see their child get very distressed. Do you know any of them? I do! After several years it gets them so distressed that yes, suicide is something they consider.

Mothers aren't the only people that love their children. So stop being so fucking offensive.

Xexyz · 28/06/2016 00:37

I'm amazed by the idea that the OP thinks it's fine to take her son on holiday without telling her son's father about it. What if her ex was suddenly taken ill and nobody could contact her or her son?

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