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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about a holiday (EU FREE ZONE)

123 replies

Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 14:48

Had a holiday booked for a few months. It's 1 week away in the UK.

DS (14) texts me from his dad's on sat night asking if we are free "X date to X date. His dad always has him for a week or so in the summer but always arranges the dates with me first.

I said no that is when we are on holiday. He texts back saying oh well Dad (we split when I was PG it's all amicable and we both have new partners and other children) has a holiday booked then too he wants me to go.

I say well if your dad wanted you to go he should have checked it out with me first.

DS texts back saying I should run my dates past his dad first Shock I'm like Hmm you live with me so any time you aren't "normally" with your dad I would presume you are with me and there is no way I am running my holiday dates past him first.

DS wants to now split his holiday in 2 which I am really upset about as its my only week with the kids and am taking my step kids and will be the only adult as my OH had to go away (with the military) so already feel my "family" holiday is disintegrating.

AIBU to feel really bloody pissed off that his dad has discussed this directly with DS before discussing it with me as usual and has put me in a really shitty position of either only having a few days away with DS or being the bad guy and saying no you can't go with your dad. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 21:22

Yes I can insist - I am the adult and he will get over it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 21:23

It is 1 weeks holiday not two - I cannot be arsed with pissing about swapping kids about when I am picking up DSC too.

DS will still get to see his dad - he went on holiday with them at Easter and sees them EOW.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 27/06/2016 21:28

Well why are you taking the step children when their dad isn't going , don't pick them up and accommodate your own child instead.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 21:30

Because we organised the holiday before their dad had to go away and his ex was relying on us for childcare and they are very excited about going.

This isn't about accomadating my child it's about ex blind siding me by realising he's fucked up and booked a holiday without checking and using DS to put me in a shite position.

OP posts:
BolshierAryaStark · 27/06/2016 21:30

OP YANBU, if this is the way things have always been done then yes your ex is a knob for suddenly changing it now & putting your DS in the awkward position of having to choose between the holidays/parent.
I think on this occasion though I would be tempted to let DS split the week as it isn't his fault that the situation has occurred unfortunately. I would be having a conversation with the ex to make sure he didn't attempt to pull this shit again though Hmm

peachpudding · 27/06/2016 21:33

Your ex asked his son, who is old enough to decide for himself. Your DS could have said, "no thanks Dad I can't I am going on holiday with Mum". But he didn't say that, its not the same now he is older, you are only one parent, the father has a right to be consulted.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 21:36

DS was already commited to our holiday which is in a few weeks time and was booked in Feb.

I think ex has left it far too late TBH.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 21:37

And no he doesn't have a right to be consulted.

He has nothing to do with DS day to day life he leaves all the mundane stuff to me - that's fine but don't expect to be consulted on the other stuff either.

OP posts:
PPie10 · 27/06/2016 21:38

If your ds knew about this booked holiday since February, then why didn't he tell his dad? He's old enough to have remembered. Sounds like he wants to go.

LouBlue1507 · 27/06/2016 21:38

Too late for what?

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 21:39

Why would he tell his dad we were going away? He's a 14 yr old with Aspergers- it would not cross his mind to tell him.

He didn't even remember the dates which is why he texted and asked me.

OP posts:
peachpudding · 27/06/2016 21:43

Just because you have your son every day does not mean the father doesn't have a right to know when his 14 YO son is going on holiday. Seems the problem is that you want to be in control and reduce the dad to a second class parent. This is the sort of thing that causes fathers to consider suicide.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 21:44

I can assure you he isn't suicidal - but thanks Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 21:45

He doesn't "run it past me" when he is going away ....

OP posts:
peachpudding · 27/06/2016 21:47

I am not saying he has to run it past you, just tell him the dates you're on holiday. why is that so hard? I tell my cleaner, my milkman, my neighbours when I go on holiday, why wouldn't I tell the parent of the child that is involved?

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 21:49

Well he's not involved is he when he hasn't got him - and I just never have as I have said 5000 times - he has never requested to be told either.

He went to Morroco and didn't tell me - nothing to do with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 21:50

....and I am surprised you don't get burgled ...

OP posts:
peachpudding · 27/06/2016 21:52

a) Even when he hasn't got his son he is still involved! He never stops being the father.
b) Maybe he doesn't bother telling you because you never bother telling him?
c) Your excuse makes you sound 9 years old, just because he does it does it make it right?
d) Your situation is NOT equal, you get to see your son every day, he doesn't.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 21:53

He gets a lot more quality time with his son too!

OP posts:
peachpudding · 27/06/2016 22:00

He gets a lot more quality time with his son too!

That's life, give him residency and then have your 1 week quality time a year.

peachpudding · 27/06/2016 22:02

Seeing your DS first thing in the morning, putting him to bed at night, being there for ALL his milestones, having dinner with him, talking to him every day. That is QUALITY time.

peachpudding · 27/06/2016 22:03

I do understand your emotions but YABU

hilbil21 · 27/06/2016 22:05

Where are two holidays to??

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 22:06

He could have had all those things but he started shagging his now wife while I was PG so I don't play too many violins for him.

OP posts:
peachpudding · 27/06/2016 22:09

So this is revenge because he married someone else?