AIBU or is "Well Done" an inappropriate thing to say re pregnancy

[MrEBear]

Well Done just seems wrong to me. It felt like they were saying "Well Done" for having sex!

AIBU?

Well done can come across as a bit sarcastic!

I had 'who did that then?' when I was pregnant.

I don't think "well done" is that bad, it's a positive comment. When I told my SIL I was pregnant with DS1 she said "you stupid girl"

On the other hand, with DS2 & 3 I dad the midwives saying well done and telling me I was very clever for producing one twin with blonde hair and the other with dark hair. In my shattered state I was quite proud of myself even though it was nothing I had any control over

*Well Done just seems wrong to me. It felt like they were saying "Well Done" for having sex!

AIBU?*

You're being a bit of an overemotional exactist if you want my personal opinion.

Better than 'Was it planned?'

Me too - yes I said "well done" to my male colleague whose wife had become pregnant through IVF, purely by mistake, I just wasn't thinking I meant to congratulate him. I'd be a bit if he then thought I'd done something wrong, I was only trying to be nice.

See?! I did it again there - my comments were a mistake, not his wife had IVF by accident!! Either in print or in person I am inappropriate!

My belligerent uncle's chosen response if anyone tells him they are pregnant is a dry "you had sex, clever you" he finds it baffling that anyone would see this as something to be congratulated on.

For three of my four children I received the "was it planned" comments, also the 'hilarious' "don't you know what causes it?"or "get a telly".
Probably the worst was "you wanna start taking it up the arse" from one of DH's ex colleagues.

Congratulations seems more fitting.

Thinking about it, we had 'was it planned?' with DD1 (answer, after a couple of false starts and a couple of years and finally giving up, then yes, very much so)

No particular comments with DS.

'oh shit' from my boss when I announced my pregnancy with DD2. Given that she wasnt planned and our response hadnt been much different I didnt really blame him!

I have blurted out "well done" before, just the once mind, as I felt awful afterwards! Especially when dh asked me "what did he do well??" The guy did give me a funny look. I was pregnant myself at the time, so blame it on the mush pregnancy brain!

You're super over thinking this. You can have tons of sex and not get pregnant. It's just congratulating someone for managing to conceive. Which is a beautiful thing!

It's a bit weird to say well done. I would say congratulations, what fantastic news or similar.

Better than 'Was it planned?'
I really said that to a woman I work with. I still feel really bad and have no idea why I said it. I hardly even know her.

Kidsrulethishouse I said it to a couple of friends and hadn't realised how bad it sounds until I got pregnant and had it said to me! I think it's just one of those things that pops out.. My (older, male) chief executive said it to me!

I'm totally with you on this OP. It sounds sarcastic. There is one particular woman who has said this to me after finding out about both of my pregnancies. To me it sounds like an empty congratulations. More drawing attention to the fact that you didn't really do anything apart from shag, than sounding happy for you.

You say "well done" about stuff like passing an exam, winning a competition etc. You've done something well, with skill etc. shagging requires no skill, so it just sounds sarky when you use it in reference to a pregnancy.

It can also 'out' people who might have needed support if said very earnestly.

Not everyone at work needs to know everyone else's gynie history ... had to explain my history of recurrent miscarriage a couple of times when I was being low key but someone who knew got all emosh and "hand squeez-y".
WELL DONE + earnest hug = oops she's needed help.

And just because some luck was involved it doesn't mean we should pretend/shame ourselves for having been through what is a very challenging way to have a baby. To me, that's an extension of some of the unhealthy stuff I'd see in non-mn miscarriage support forums saying baby cards should be banned and nappies hidden like cigarettes (oh yes) because some women 'just get babies' and seeing them 'rubs it in'. I was there with several loses, the very real risk of empty arms and bang up mh issues and even I could see this was unhelpfull bitter logic.

Yeah there's luck involved. But luck + mental toughness + physical pain ... luck and a shag aren't all that is at play for many.

My ex's mother said to him "that's the biggest mistake you'll make in your life."
Anything short of that sounds okay to me.

YABU. Not being argumentative, but it is considered impolite to ignore when someone announces a pregnancy (obviously), we can't say well done or congratulations. What do you want us to say OP? Give me a suggestion and next time I'll use it, but until then, its well done/congrats.

The only acceptable reply to "I am pregnant" would appear to be "Thanks for telling me".

Ha! My boss said that to me when I told her! She then immediately realised what she had implied and started jabbering 'er, umm, I mean...'. It was hilarious.

I once asked "was it a mistake" once when a friend announced her pregnancy. What I was trying to ask was whether it was planned or not. No idea why I said mistake.

I would have given anything in that moment to rewind time an say "well done". Much less inappropriate!

I never really minded the "Well done"s and the "good job"s, but I was baffled by the comments of "clever you/girl!" after I gave birth. I didn't do anything clever, I just pushed a small human out of my fanjo. Many women have done it for thousands of years...

I have no issue with Well Done. I know that having a baby is frequently more than just having sex. I have one dd, not by design but over ten years of trying. It is also saying Well done on such a great decision.

Probably been said but depends on generation. Millennials tend to say things like this as an affectionate joke. The same as just texting "birth" on a birthday. It's usually followed up by a proper response.

Obviously they may have just stumbled for words a bit (maybe couldn't think of congratulations) or they may have been being snarky (in which case, flip them, you don't need that). It could also be the difficulty of getting pregnant for some people that that is legitimately their first reaction because it would be an achievement to conceive for them or was when they did. They would still be overjoyed and excited for you.

Can't see nowt wrong with it. A bit different from the usual 'congratulations' maybe. But women,getting pregnant can be a big deal!