AIBU or is "Well Done" an inappropriate thing to say re pregnancy

[MrEBear]

Well Done just seems wrong to me. It felt like they were saying "Well Done" for having sex!

AIBU?

Love the "Great escape plan"

YABU. How silly, taking offence at a clearly well intentioned response to your news. Makes me want to never say anything on hearing someone's good news, as its likely to be "inappropriate".

"Well done" is exactly the same as saying "congratulations". HTH.

Loads of people have said this phrase to me this time round and I think it is really funny!

Congratulations.

But yes, yabu. It can be very difficult to know what to say to someone when they announce their pregnancy. The right thing to say to one person is probably the wrong thing to another. They sound pleased for you, which is wonderful.

There will be more such comments. I hope you can take them in the manner intended and not as some unmeant insult.

My relatives all said that me and DH were a 'clever pair' when we announced I was pg. very weird.

I know what you mean but I think yabu. People just mean congratulations. Actually I said 'well done' when my neighbour told me she was pregnant.

I've said "well done", mouth before brain and all that. No harm intended and, coming from someone who took 4 years of trying and miscarriage to manage getting pregnant again, it did seem an achievement to me. Congratulations on your much-wanted pregnancy, OP.

We had a lot of "well done" when we found out we were having a boy after having girls. Even from my Midwife which I found strange.

"Congratulations on passing your exams"
"Fantastic result at Uni- well done"

• mean the same thing.

"Congratulations on your pregnancy"
"That's great news, Well done"
-mean the same thing.

Unfortunately you were wished congratulations in a way you don't like, but the sentiment is the same. YABU.

I have said it to close friends after they've given birth as labour is hard bloody work and I feel that phrase recognises the contribution made specifically by the woman.

I wouldn't say it for conceiving, but honestly think you're over analysing.

It's better that "was it planning?" Which I've had a lot with DC2. None of your business

*was it planned

I only had one "well done" response to my pregnancy and I really liked it! I can't explain why, I just thought it was really nice.

When dd4 was ill in Greece the Greek doctor saw we had 4 kids and patted my dh on the back and said 'well done my friend'

It's not exactly an achievement for the man. A doctor should know who does the work. What an idiot.

I wouldn't say "well done" to a woman after she gave birth, at it'd be a bit condescending, as I don't have any children. But it might be appropriate if coming from an older woman with experience.

Why would "congratulations" be a problem? I mean, nowadays, most pregnancies that are announced are wanted, and some couples have to try for a year or so, so it's not as if you'd be congratulating on having had sex.

When u told my boss at the time that I was pregnant with DS1 his reply was 'How did you manage that then?'! He's a consultant paediatrician!

Hopefully that was tongue in cheek Percy and he didn't need a PowerPoint presentation

😂 You would hope it was! I replied 'the usual way' and then immediately regretted it and walked about like 😳 the rest of the day!

I got a 'well done' after I'd given birth (probably as much to the baby as me) is that allowed?

Congratulations is probably better than screaming "on no what have you done that for .... you're ruining your life!!!" GnomeDePlume.

My big thing is with birth congratulations cards "Congratulations you've had a baby" .... what did everyone think was growing inside me .... see I wasn't eating too many cakes!!

Yabu, beats "about time" which we got with DS1 (DC1) from DGrandpa-in-law and "was it planned?" with DS2 (DC3) from DM (and a fair few other people too ). Well done is akin to congratulations, I'd prefer those than my examples above (and I'm sure if we have DC4 I'll have worse examples).

I think that the sentiment is nice and that's the part you should focus on. I agree the words themselves are slightly cringey but sometimes people don't phrase things perfectly. Cut them some slack.

I think it's funny - I would say it to my peer group and they have said it to me. I wouldn't expect older generation to say it - agree with pp that FIL saying it is a bit much - and I wouldn't say it to people I didn't know well. But - sometimes getting pregnant takes a lot of effort! I appreciate the "well done" as it is mostly kindly meant

when we announced I was pregnant, MIL said to me "Isn't he a clever boy?", referring to her 30yo DS who had finally managed to impregnate his wife of 8 years

we had been trying for a couple of years only - no-one knew that though as we didn't discuss it

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Maybe not for those of you who conceived quickly/easily/without intervention, but for many women these days it's not "well done for having sex", it's "well done for getting through all those hospital appointments, invasive painful procedures, hormones and shit".

What about those who go through all that and still don't conceive? Or those who never have the chance at all and also have to face childlessness? "Well done" for being lucky enough to conceive is ridiculous, implying the childless haven't tried hard enough or something.

"Well done" coming from a man to a man is even worse; it really is "well done for having sex", treating women and children like trophys. Ugh.