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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not contribute to this leaving present?

114 replies

yougotitdude · 26/06/2016 23:05

Started a new job last Wednesday.

A staff member is leaving this Friday and the office (20 of us) have had a whip round to buy her a spa day- £10 contribution each

Collegue has asked us all to bring the money tomorrow- came and told us individually, including me

I dont think I should have to contribute

AIBU?

OP posts:
MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 27/06/2016 11:37

Not everyone has £10 to spare anyway. These kind of collections really annoy me.

Dontyoulovecalpol · 27/06/2016 11:46

Gabsalot almost everyone has explained why when they posted Hmm

They won't look like a pushover. Every company has its own dynamics and there is always the miserable arse in the corner saying stuff like you've typed- and if you're happy being the miserable arse in the corner good for you. Not everyone wants to be

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 27/06/2016 12:03

This is exactly why I hated these kind of collections, where if you don't want to hand £10 over then you're deemed the "miserable arse". Some people don't actually have a tenner to give. I used to work in an office and was really struggling financially. Of course I should have put someone's spa day ahead of feeding my kids Hmm

GabsAlot · 27/06/2016 12:07

i think some did arf

if its being miserable as u put it so be it-i think its bullying and would never have asked the new personin the first place

NeedACleverNN · 27/06/2016 12:08

No one wants to be excluded unless happy to be

A new person in a small team needs to make a good first impression. Whilst you shouldn't judge, first impressions go a long way

Crinkle77 · 27/06/2016 12:51

I think it's really unfair of your colleague to put you in this position. They should have given you a choice and said we know you have only just started but would like to include you but we totally understand if you'd rather not. I think asking for a tenner is a bit much anyway unless it's only a small firm. Our company is quite large with 100 people in the department. An envelope goes round each office and stays there for a couple of days and is then moved on. It's left in a drawer and everyone just contributes what they want confidentially.

Dontyoulovecalpol · 27/06/2016 13:31

Meandmy3lovelyboys I hear you and that's awful but not particularly common so most people won't think like that.

They're just doing a nice collection, thinking of making their colleague happy and doing something nice for them.

Obviously someone new saying "I'm so sorry, but I don't have any cash this week due to starting new job, everything's on the credit card!" (True or not) people will understand. What they won't understand is rants about feeding kids or petrol money or how unfair it is that they ask/ ridiculously over generous they've done it in the first place.

pigsDOfly · 27/06/2016 14:58

So they want to raise £200 between 20 people for a colleague's leaving present?

Well I'd let them get on with it without me tbh.

It was clearly organised before you joined the company and perhaps they all agree to put in such a large sum, you didn't.

There's no way I'd be paying that towards a present for a work colleague I don't even know. Just say, as pp have said, you haven't been paid yet and really don't have the money to spend.

BerylStreep · 27/06/2016 17:06

OP - what have you decided to do?

Original poster
yougotitdude · 27/06/2016 19:03

I paid the £10.

People here are right. Its about making a good first impression. Although two collegues at lunch said they were surprised I had contributed and wouldnt of done in my position

it was painful pulling that £10 out my purse though

OP posts:
WeekendAway · 27/06/2016 19:15

Well I hope you told them you were surprised to have been asked under the circumstances, but felt under pressure to pay in case it turned awkward for you!

kawliga · 28/06/2016 03:38

You did the right thing. Painful, but still the right thing.

kiwimumof2boys · 28/06/2016 11:23

Yeah Op you did do the right thing.
At my last work, some people got so p!ssed off at being hounded for money, so my boss banned people from going desk to desk with an envelope, instead they had to email out and keep the collection envelope at their own desk, so you could go and contribute if you wanted. Very good idea.

Alasalas2 · 28/06/2016 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andylion · 28/06/2016 14:17

But OP, they will expect £10 from you for all whip-arounds in the future.

SapphireStrange · 29/06/2016 12:35

I don't think the OP did 'the right thing' –but, OP, I can see how you felt pressured into it.

Asking for money in this context is poor form. Asking for a specific amount is poor form. Asking for money from someone who's been there a few days is poor form.

The ONLY way to do leaving whip-rounds is that one person has a collection envelope at their desk/station. They email asking for 'contributions if you wish'. People come up individually and contribute. You can put in what you want/can afford. Anyone who doesn't want to doesn't have to.

Ellioru · 29/06/2016 12:40

It was really shitty of them to ask you in the first place, especially considering you haven't been working there long. In your position though I would have (begrudgingly) made the same choice mainly to not give a bad impression..

£10 is a bit extreme though. My partners work place does office collections for things such as birthdays, people leaving, maternity/paternity etc but it's a case of "do you have any loose change you can contribute? If not it's fine".

TelephonicsSuper · 29/06/2016 12:41

YANBU but I would do it as it's a new team and I wouldn't want to be the only one not doing it... it might not matter if you don't but then it really might too.
the person organising it should have excused you from the start!

sherbetpips · 29/06/2016 12:42

Only one time I haven't contributed and that was when a girl left who never contributed, she always said she didn't believe in giving a present to someone who was leaving rather than rewarding someone who was staying. She still ended up with over £500!

euromorris · 29/06/2016 12:43

I do think it was a bit off to assume that you would be contributing, and agree that £10 is a lot for a leaving do contribution. But....I would do it for the following reasons:

a) get off to a good start with rest of team
b) the gift they want to give her is indicative of their feelings towards her. There may well be some long standing friendships with her and some team members, so you may well see more of her in the future than you think - at other work evenings out etc
c) is she replacing you/a role that supports yours (such as admin)? I had an admin team member leave around the same time I joined my job. She'd been there for years and had taken extra time to write processes for all the admin tasks. This was invaluable when her replacement turned out to be useless, and I had to pick up the admin until we could get someone else, and was also helpful in training the newbie. Her contributions to the office continued long after she had left.

So, for those reasons, I think a tenner is a small price to pay.

RiverTam · 29/06/2016 12:45

Bloody hell, I have never put £10 into a leaving collection! That's loads, £2 or £3 has been the norm where I've worked.

Very good of you, OP.

NavyAndWhite · 29/06/2016 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

christinawilliams · 29/06/2016 12:59

You don't really have to, but I think it would be nice if you do and act as a part of the whole team. If you really are struggling to spend 10 pounds, then it is absolutely fine.

IceRoadDucker · 29/06/2016 13:00

I'm so grateful for the way my office does it! An envelope comes round with a card and money in it. We sign the card and/or put money in, and pass it on. People close to the leaver might put a fiver in, others nothing. Nobody knows and nobody cares how much anyone else has contributed.

christinawilliams · 29/06/2016 13:00

You don't really have to, but I think it would be nice if you do and act as a part of the whole team. If you really are struggling to spend 10 pounds, then it is absolutely fine.

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