To not contribute to this leaving present?

[yougotitdude]

Started a new job last Wednesday.

A staff member is leaving this Friday and the office (20 of us) have had a whip round to buy her a spa day- £10 contribution each

Collegue has asked us all to bring the money tomorrow- came and told us individually, including me

I dont think I should have to contribute

AIBU?

[daisychain01]

I don't think it was very nice of the colleague making the collection coming round individually and shaming people into having to take part.

Thank goodness that doesn't happen in my place, I'd find it offensive!

[daisychain01]

The most we do for birthdays is a nice greetings card for people, but it only happens if they make it known they are due to have a birthday, so if you don't say anything because you don't want people to know, that's perfectly acceptable.

Things like sweepstakes are also completely optional, one single email asking if people want to take part, that's it. No spamming or pestering.

[kawliga]

I came here to say this was an episode of Friends but I see a pp beat me to it. You should watch that episode, that will convince you to pay up.

I paid up to everything when I was new. Now, three years in, I don't pay up unless I want to. I've already made my friends/enemies, earned my stripes, and nobody will be changing their mind about me over that. It's different when you're new. You have to pay, sadly. Life isn't fair.

[dudsville]

Another one here aghast at the level of contribution. Has the colleague whose leaving been with the organisation a long time? Is this a standard leaving present? Were you asked privately or publicly? Just wondering how your colleagues would respond to your being asked. What kind of job is it?

Personally I wouldn't but my job allows me a degree of autonomy for surfing what members of the team might think of me. I once did a collection for someone who's been with the service her whole career and we have a present and evening do that cost a fair bit. I emailed everyone saying (after consulatation)what the present was asks to send me a contribution if that wanted to. I didn't chase anyone and there were a few core people and I willing to pay for the whole of it should we fall short. In the end they're was too much money and people of all pay grades and length of time in the organisagion hag a fabulous night.

So, I don't think this was handled well in your work place.

[VioletBam]

Of course you need to contribute. You're part of the team now.

If we all went on your thinking, then you'd need to be excluded from other team events because you're new.

Eg. The team go out every Friday for a drink...except you because they don't know you yet.

[Only1scoop]

I'm shocked your new colleagues expect you to to be honest.

[Kiwiinkits]

Just pay. The first few weeks are all about making a good first impression. That impression will stick for years to come. That's worth every bit of your ten quid.

[AlMinzerAndHisPyramidOfDogs]

That's very, very bad form of them.
You should not have to put in for that.
i probably would cough up and say nothing.
at least you have the measure of some of them in there now, so you can start your job with no illusions.

[Rainatnight]

Couldn't agree more with PP who said this is an investment in relationships with your new colleagues.

[WeekendAway]

I'm surprised that they asked you to be honest. It does seem churlish to refuse, but I don't think it was right to ask you so soon.

[missybct]

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all but although saying that, I know I'd end up paying to ensure the security of not seeing disagreeable. For some reason, people really take this stuff seriously and a small investment for future work relationships is worth it.

It's a bit shitty for them to target you individually though. We do whip rounds at work but an envelope is handed round with a card and all donations are anonymous. Only time people are individually asked is if we've booked a team meal with a deposit, but nobody is ever made to feel obliged to go.

[TheFirie]

Do it.
It 's a tenner.

[DeathStare]

They could be seen as unreasonable to ask, though on the other hand if they didn't ask you could have seen that as them excluding you.

I'd pay it. £10 is a small price for a convivial working environment

[BarbaraofSeville]

£10 pp is ridiculously generous especially as someone has chosen an expensive present and then decided how much people need to contribute.

The way we do it in our office is much fairer - a tin goes round and people put in what they want, or not. For years I put in a pound and have only recently upped this to £2 and judging by the value of the presents given this is completely typical.

A present is then bought for the person in question, which is typically a token like flowers/chocs/booze and then vouchers for Amazon or something appropriate to the person if they have a known interest.

You will probably find that there are one or two people in your new job who do all the organising and are fans of the big present/compulsory known donation and everyone else hates it but daren't say anything for fear of getting into an argument with the Queen Bees.

Love how most people are talking about 'it's a tenner, it's nothing' that's a lot of money to a lot of people, especially for someone starting a new job - the OP might have been out of work.

Of course she may not and the new job might follow the old one and be a big step up on an already huge salary, but either way I dont think she should contribute to a collection for someone she hardly knows and it is bad form that they have asked. So it is up to the OP to judge the situation to risk offending by refusing.

[icelollycraving]

What a horrible situation. Maybe the op can't afford £10? Depends on the role & the size of the team. I have always done collections for birthdays which we would put in £5 each. The problem was the only person who always paid was the person who earned least & everyone else would forget etc. I stopped it & just bought something from me in the end.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

Yes, it would feel a little unsettling... You are expecting to contribute the same as someone who has known the person for years...

BUT I would pay it... As someone else said as a future investment in your relationships with your remaining colleagues.... If its anything like the teams I've worked in, it would become a 'thing' of someone turned down the contribution.... The fact that you barely knew them would get lost in translation...

Or, you could just say; - 'sorry I've got no dosh as I've only just started and not been paid yet ', and hope they don't ask again.... I wouldn't though... To me it just wouldn't be worth it.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

PS

I worked in the NHS... In one team the consultant (earning a fair whack), would put either 50p or a £1 in to any collection... Regardless of how long/how close they were to the person .. ...

Often the people on the lowest pay grades are the organisers of these collections/ seem give the most, both relative to their income and actually in terms of hard cash...

Although once when I was working in a small team(6 of us) , I was once asked to contribute 35£ to a leaving gift... This was to a person who had been there a year, caused lots of bad feeling within the team .... The person doing the collection (and the only one who was friends with her!) had decided the person would really like (a very nice and expensive gift as a leaving present.. And just divided the cost 5 ways...

[Janecc]

It won't bode well for work relationships if you don't. I'm surprised they asked you after a few days. However they did it and unless you genuinely cannot pay, I would.

[Archedbrowse]

Ignore it, and next time you're asked say 'I'm sorry, which one is [leaver] again?'

[plimsolls]

I watched this episode of Friends last night on Comedy Central. Ross declined and everyone hated him.

If you can afford it, I'd contribute. Technically, you don't have to but if you stick to your guns about it, you'll give an unpleasant first impression to the people
who are going to be your colleagues.

I think it's weird that you have to specify the amount. Most office collections I've been part of just let you anonymously bung a few quid in an envelope.

[Marcipex]

Happened to me, I was asked for a contribution for the person I was replacing, who I'd never met!
I declined in amazement.
A few weeks later...'oh, I heard about you, you don't chip in for birthdays do you?' And other malicious comments.
I'd say pay up, it's not worth the aggro.

[Ratty667]

God I loved friends.

You have to pay, sadly.
I much prefer a brown envelope type arrangement.

[DoreenLethal]

'Sorry, but how did you even include me in the calculations seeing as I didn't even start until you had decided what you were all going to get? If I had been included in that conversation or had been here more than three days, I'd pay up. However I have been here 3 days, and am not getting paid for that for possibly 6 weeks, and therefore have no money to give you. Of course, if I give you my petrol money, that means I can't get to work anyway which means losing the job. It really is totally unfair of you to even ask me.'

[NoahVale]

no, i wouldnt,
i would never contribute more than a fiver anyway but that is not so relevant.
it is not on for them to ask you.
what is the worse that can happen if you dont contribute
i imagine the rest of the team would not blame you at all for not contributing.

[Janecc]

Marcipex