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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party...no invite...

35 replies

secretsignal · 26/06/2016 20:51

So I have just found out via dreaded Facebook there was a party today and my 3 yo wasn't invited. Most other kids from her nursery class seem to be on the pics. She would be so sad if she knew there had been a party without her. She's a lovely, popular kid. I can't see why she was left out, big venue etc. I can't believe how sad I feel, I hate the thought of her being left out Sad. I want to ask the other mums why, but don't want to create a shit storm. AIBU to feel upset about this?

OP posts:
happypoobum · 26/06/2016 20:58

YANBU but it happens. Whatever you do, don't ask the mum or mention it to any others. It makes you look pitiful.

Loads of reasons it could have happened. Party child just forgot to invite your child, your childs invitation got lost, party child and your child had an argument over a toy one day which resulted in lack of invite...loads of other reasons I am sure.

If it makes you feel any better, I had the exact same issue with DS at that age. He was incredibly popular and I was devastated that he wasn't invited. Turned out, the party boys mum was an ex GF of my sons dad (not an amicable split) and she didn't want to risk him turning up at her house etc etc. Grin

PlugUgly · 26/06/2016 21:08

Don't show your DD even by an eyebrow twitch that it bothers you, mention it in a sunny positive way before she next goes and explain how not everyone could go, bet she will not be upset.... Only if you are...

Biscuitbrixit · 26/06/2016 21:15

I don't think my 3yr old dd would even notice that there had been a party. Even so, if she did then the upset would be very short lived.

PolaroidsFromTheBeyond · 26/06/2016 21:19

You ANBU to feel a bit upset on your DDs behalf.

YWBU to confront the other mum about it. Your DD has no idea that she's missed out.

The other mum can invite whoever she wants to her DDs birthday. There could be any number of reasons why your DD wasn't invited ranging from invitation going astray to limits on numbers to mum only inviting the children of parents she is particularly friendly with. This sort of thing happens to most children at some point during primary so you need to develop a thicker skin on behalf of your DD.

Therealloislane · 26/06/2016 21:21

This happened to me!

I didn't know ds HAD been invited as he'd left the invite in his box in playgroup & the childminder hadn't picked it up.

Beeziekn33ze · 26/06/2016 21:22

Don't mention it to DD and make light of it if she does, there will be other parties.

queenofthepirates · 26/06/2016 21:25

I completely forgot to invite a very popular kid and his mum to my DD's birthday party and she found out via FB. I apologised my head off and I was genuinely sorry but I just dropped the ball.

Alibobbob · 26/06/2016 21:28

It could be perfectly innocent I asked for a list of classmates as my kids were newish to the school and I wanted to invite the whole class. The teacher wouldn't give me a list citing data protection!

Original poster
secretsignal · 26/06/2016 21:31

Happy, thanks for the perspective, I really want to ask why but I'll look nuts, won't I? Plug and Biscuit you're right, bright and breezy is the way forward. Polaroids, thin skin is definitely me, I immediately wonder what I did wrong to get DD uninvited! Queen, did the other mum mention it to you? ( I won't do it, I promise Grin) Thanks for the replies, I'll try to toughen up and move on Smile

OP posts:
trilbydoll · 26/06/2016 21:32

It's difficult at 3 - if you're relying on dc to give you a list, they're not very reliable! And I wouldn't worry about her finding out, DD talks about things from the last 6m as having happened last week.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 26/06/2016 21:36

When DD was 3 I asked her key worker for a list of her friends from the days she attended nursery

On the day of the party I had a lovely chat with a dad whose kid it tuns out wasn't in nursery on any of the days DD was in. Asked around a bit more… the list the key worker gave me was totally random - a few kids from DDs days and a few not.

So we obv didn't invite half the ones who were actually in on her days, we just went by the list the key worker gave us, and TBF they were just first names, there might have been multiple Mias and Jacks and whoever had to give em out just picked a bag.. Grin

totalrecall1 · 26/06/2016 21:49

It will happen and it will keep happening. It will also keep annoying and upsetting you but there is nothing you can do about it. The next party it will be someone else's child who isn't invited. The amount of times someone has said has DD/DS been invited to x's party? And the answer is no. My kids are also very popular, and get invited to most, but not all. Eldest is 12 now so I am over it (almost)

starry0ne · 26/06/2016 21:51

At 3 these are unlikely to be lifelong friends.. Many will often go to different schools..My DS (9) does have one friend from nursery and that is because his mum and I became friends.

Your 3 year old will never know anything about the party.. Really it reflects nothing

KERALA1 · 26/06/2016 21:54

Don't say anything you will look like a loon! Mine are 7 and 9 and get invited to some parties and not to others. They genuinely don't care. Unless you intend to invite your dds class to every party (horrors) you will inadvertently do this to others. Broaden those shoulders.

Joolsy · 26/06/2016 21:57

Oh yes, I think it's happened to all of us (or our kids) at one time or another. My DD was excluded from a girl's party, who was supposed to be a friend, for 3 years in a row. Pretty much all of the rest of the class invited. No idea why. It definitely bothered me more than it bothered DD. She took it in her stride. I think we can learn alot from our kids! I wouldn't mention it to your DD but unfortunately it probably won't be the first time

CaptainCrunch · 26/06/2016 21:58

It wont be the last time op, fraid you're going to have to toughen up.

Joolsy · 26/06/2016 21:58

*last time I mean!

hotdiggedy · 26/06/2016 21:59

Another one who says she wont be aware of the party and therefor wont care. The children wont all come back to nursery talking about the cake or the best thing in the party bag. They wont even think to mention it. Tell yourself the invitation must have been lost somehow!

ohtheholidays · 26/06/2016 22:06

Op you said most of the nursery children not all of them so it doesn't sound like it's anything specifically towards to your DD.

Original poster
secretsignal · 26/06/2016 22:08

Trilby and adulting, it's good to know these things can happen accidentally. I think I'll choose to believe this is what happened Grin. Total, it's hard because I know she'd be sad if she knew, but it helps to know it happens to everyone sometimes iyswim. Kerala you're right, I'll have to toughen up. I'm shocked at how much it bothered me!

Thanks for your replies, like many of you said DD probably won't even notice. Will try not to be a loon at drop off tomorrow!

OP posts:
Peppapogstillonaloop · 26/06/2016 22:10

I really wouldn't worry about it and I really wouldn't mention it to your dd. If it even gets mentioned at nursery next week I would be surprised and even if it is i doubt it will e obvious to your dd that it was this weekend and she missed it.
These things happen and will happen again so really you need to chill, ignore and be grateful you saved a tenner rather than having to buy a pressie!

Original poster
secretsignal · 26/06/2016 22:11

You're right holidays, I don't know who was invited and who wasn't, it just looked like lots of them were there. So hopefully it wasn't personal... Smile

OP posts:
NarkyKnockers · 26/06/2016 22:16

I agree with what everyone else has said. I doubt the party will even be mentioned at nursery so if you don't tell your dd she'll be none the wiser. I would have had to like all the photos though and wish the child happy birthday in the comments with an 'oh I didn't know it was X's birthday'. But I am an arse

Original poster
secretsignal · 26/06/2016 22:16

Peppa I was worried about the other kids talking about it, but at 3 she won't really follow that she wasn't there, will she? Iyswim? And YY to the tenner! Maybe I'll get a little prezzie for DD Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
secretsignal · 26/06/2016 22:18

Narky l had to really try hard to stop myself doing that. I came v v close Grin

OP posts:
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