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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu? Sorry it's deep and regarding the vote to leave

139 replies

user1466952915 · 26/06/2016 16:16

I was born in the early 70's to parents that came from India in the mid 60's, I was born in a time where we saw our mother chased into our house by skinhead thug as she was on her way too work. We were spat on at the park, even had a air rifle fired at me. Never responded to the abuse, words and physical, never as I was scared what would happen if I did.

I was the only Asian child in my year at school, and was bullied, spat on and called every offensive name under the sun. The teachers at the time turned a blind eye and I had even heard our head of year laugh at it.

When I went to play at a friends one of my memories is her neighbours lad chasing me around cars pulling my hair and kicking me.

Late 80's it all calms down.......

My husband is white English, not that, that matters, but it did to his mother who sadly still had the archaic ideas about not mixing races, even though she is blessed with 4 gorgeous grandchildren.

Now it's all back and with a vengeance, devastated my friend of 15 years shared race hate posts, seeing posts all over twitter about the race hate towards all races.

To say I can't cope is an understatement, I was born here but have had it made clear to me I don't belong most of my life.

We have paid or way own our own home and are just a regular family, But now my husband is beside himself with worry over his job, it's a French company and trying to deal with me fretting.

Please don't tell me my fears and worries aren't real as I can see they are, what do I do? how do I cope, we just want our quite life back and not that I am a second class citizen or not wanted, I have no other country to call home.

Sorry used an alias, been losing my mind over all this, even in my hobby circle the posts are so abhorrently upsetting, people sharing memes with racist comments. I'm just not strong enough to cope.

OP posts:
alreadytaken · 26/06/2016 23:01

what is absolutely unreasonable - and has been happening on mumsnet for weeks - is the suggestion that a leave vote is racist. This explains better than I can why a lot of people voted leave medium.com/@oliverhumpage/i-want-to-stop-something-exploitative-divisive-and-dishonest-conversation-with-a-leaver-af77afb1773f#.4tbhwho5e

Once the remain campaign stop fanning the hatred life will revert to how it was before - yes there is racism but most people are not interested in that. UKIP will lose half its support, Farage will lose his MEP job, the media will stop giving him a platform.

user1466952915 · 26/06/2016 23:14

Sunset I'm sorry you went through that, of course I don't think it disappeared totally, I just didn't have the issues as bad as I had in my childhood for a long while, I presumed society had moved on and stopped seeing peoples skin colour as such a major issue, I don't know what you don't get about my post, I'm sorry

x

OP posts:
user1466952915 · 26/06/2016 23:15

alreadytaken I have stated a leave vote is racist.

OP posts:
user1466952915 · 26/06/2016 23:16

Oh god I have never stated, sorry that a leave vote is racist, getting flustered and not checking typing.

OP posts:
SnowBells · 26/06/2016 23:18

People may say this is Godwin's law again, but here it goes.

I grew up in Germany, and the high school I went to took pride in having had a mini-rebellion against Hitler back in the Third Reich. When I went there in the 90s, history lessons focused on all the wrongs that were done in the past. Because of that, I guess, I'm literally allergic against nationalism. And maybe it is this past that makes me not understand what I'm about to post.

What I don't get about the Leave voters who say they aren't racist is this: how could you ever back ANY cause that you know are also backed by the far right?! I mean... to put it bluntly... if I knew racist twats we're going to go to Disneyland, I'd head the other way. Similarly, if I knew the same racist twats were pushing a certain cause, I'd do my best to make sure they won't succeed. You squash them. I would never want to be on the same side as them. I wouldn't want to have the same fears and.values as them. It's some sort of moral principle, so I just don't get it.

Brexit has made these racist twats believe that 52% of the population side with them. Hence, they are now so open about it.

user1466952915 · 26/06/2016 23:21

I didn't want this to descend into arguments, I just needed to vent and feel not so alone in my fears and worries, I'm sorry if it has distressed anyone, truly am that was never my intention.

OP posts:
Sunsetplumset · 26/06/2016 23:27

No op its just they wait until you annoy them some how then it all comes out. People just stay quiet because they don't want to be arrested (even though they dont anyway) The EU immigrants who have come here have just taken things off our backs or a while because the racist's focused on someone else but now it seems that everyone is just a target.
I literally immune to it anyway after the above experience, I almost expect it.

AllegraWho · 26/06/2016 23:28

alreadytaken, your cart appears to be before your horse.

The racist are not spouting xenophobic and racial abuse because some people are associating the leave vote with racism.

They are spouting xenophobic and racial abuse because they are fuckwit xenophobic racists. Unfortunately, some of them have not only chosen to vote leave on that basis, but have also taken the fact.that majority voted leave as tacit approval of their position, which has made them bold enough to start attacking random strangers.

If you do not wish your vote to be associated with racism, you should be calling the said fuckwits out (enough of them posted on the million and seven related threads over the last few days, you do not even need to leave your keyboard), instead of dismissing and minimising racist and xenophobic attack when they are reported by the people who have been on the receiving end of them.

AllegraWho · 26/06/2016 23:41

What I don't get about the Leave voters who say they aren't racist is this: how could you ever back ANY cause that you know are also backed by the far right?!

Yes, that is how I feel about it, too - but I've had to accept that even my and DD tDDhink this a minority position, and as one that is giving the far right way too much importance.

Therefore, their position was to completely ignore the existence of the far right and base their vote as though they did not exist.

They are both intelligent, kind and fabulous people. But neither of them ever had the misfortune to be directly affected by the far right.

Which is why my has found himself in the position of having voted the same as the people who have taken being part of the majority vote as tacit approval to go and shout abuse at DP's mixed race son.

Perhaps next time he has a chance to make his vote count he will take me more seriously.

Right now, though, I feel like fucking Cassandra...

ladyjadey · 26/06/2016 23:57

I cried when I heard the leave vote. I sat my girls down and apologised to them for this hateful world they will grow up in. I do and will continue to teach them the importance of equality and unity. I am so sorry OP, this is not all of us. I hope we can move past this and be good, kind and inclusive once more

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 27/06/2016 00:03

What I don't get about the Leave voters who say they aren't racist is this: how could you ever back ANY cause that you know are also backed by the far right?!

YY to that. I've felt this through the whole campaign. Argued this to family members. Etc...

Asprilla11 · 27/06/2016 00:04

OP - This is why I voted leave, I hope you will see it wasn't for racist immigration reasons and I know many other leave voters feel the same as I do.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eu_referendum_2016_/2671336-Why-I-Voted-to-Leave-the-EU?pg=1

I am sorry for the fear and worry the leave vote has caused you, I can't promise anything because I am not a Government Minister, but I do know leave voters want quick but thorough talks that lead to positive for all EU citizens, not just people in the UK and not just the British Flowers

GiddyOnZackHunt · 27/06/2016 00:22

The racists were always there :( They are temporarily emboldened by this vote but they still speak hate. And can be reported for it.
Remember that Britain First was forced off Facebook :) Look at Britain Furst for a populist view.
My dc know that skin is wrapping paper and is no guide to the present within :)

user1466952915 · 27/06/2016 00:26

I'm seriously not bothered why people vote leave, that's their freedom of choice.

I can't sleep with worry, my peace of mind is totally shot, I can't concentrate on anything.

OP posts:
user1466952915 · 27/06/2016 00:31

Thank you everyone however you commented

x

OP posts:
BungoWomble · 27/06/2016 02:34

I am so sorry you are going through this. Abuse of children is sickening and there is a link with gender issues as well. I wish we could tow these racist thugs out to sea and sink them.

sashh · 27/06/2016 07:16

There is a horrible atmosphere about at the moment and it worries me.

A couple of weeks ago a student said she was voting leave, "to stop all the foreigners coming in".

It reminded me of a line in 'When Hitler stole pink rabbit' where one of the children says her parents are voting for Hitler because 'he will stop the Jews' and Anna asks, "stop the Jews doing what?".

The Brexit campaign has brought out the same idea, everything wrong with Britain is because of Europe and 'foreigners' and stupid people have bought that.

I really do not like my country at the moment, I have considered moving abroad but in reality I probably can't. So that means working to make this country one I want to live in.

I am so sorry you have experienced this OP and sorry that the other people attacked / abused over the weekend have gone through that.

Please believe in those of us who are not in that camp, I'm sure we are in the majority, we are just not as vocal.

StealthPolarBear · 27/06/2016 15:14

I can't believe we're having to debate racism. I (stupidly, naively) thought racism died a death in the 90s, well the overt type anyway. Now it's back and it's everywhere. And it won't be long before what seems reasonable and normal gets adjusted.
A few years ago I'd not heard of Nigel farage. Two years ago the thought he could be taken seriously was laughable. Now he has quite a following and could potentially be pm in the next few years. What the hell do we all do then?

user1466952915 · 27/06/2016 18:25

I haven't left the house and felt against taking my child to nursery today.

So many incidents have been reported that I know I couldn't handle it if anyone said anything to me.

Saw a report where when a british born asian reporter was told she wasn't british, the heckler said it's like saying a pig born in a stable is a horse.

The heckler that said that was a uni lecturer.

Seems people think they have a carte blanche to say what they think.

OP posts:
user1466952915 · 27/06/2016 18:30

What the hell do we do?

I can't stand up to people that give abuse, I'm too timid.

I feel desperately sad for everyone that has been given abuse or is in fear of it.

I'm worried tonights game could cause more abuse if England lose/win and people are tanked up.

I seriously can't believe I'm writing this, My husband says me and him are the same regardless that his skin is white and mine is brown, he says he will make sure we are okay, but how?

OP posts:
user1466952915 · 27/06/2016 18:32

Peoples lifes are continuing today, concerts, tennis, footie and chatting as nowt has happened yet they posted hate filled posts and can carry on as normal after that?

Not giving a damn about the people they have affected by their vitriol.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 27/06/2016 18:35

Ugh I'd forgotten about the football.
friends on fb are telling stories of their racist abuse. And people on other threads are saying we need to stop dramatis ing, wallowing and get on with it.
well do you know what? This is a big fucking deal and I am so angry. With myself mostly for not taking the whole thing seriously.

derektheladyhamster · 27/06/2016 18:45

I was shocked by a friend telling me about anti Irish abuse at the weekend. This is in Brighton. 69% voted remain.i am shocked and appalled. I thought this was a tolerant city, in 20 years living here, I've never heard such rubbish. I'm embarrassed to be British

Capricorn76 · 27/06/2016 20:26

This is why I used to roll my eyes at those who said racism had ended. These scumbags have resented having to be PC for nearly 2 decades. They were itching to scream 'paki' once again.

CurbsideProphet · 27/06/2016 20:29

user I just don't know how we are supposed to carry on as normal either Flowers

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