Aibu? Sorry it's deep and regarding the vote to leave

[user1466952915]

I was born in the early 70's to parents that came from India in the mid 60's, I was born in a time where we saw our mother chased into our house by skinhead thug as she was on her way too work. We were spat on at the park, even had a air rifle fired at me. Never responded to the abuse, words and physical, never as I was scared what would happen if I did.

I was the only Asian child in my year at school, and was bullied, spat on and called every offensive name under the sun. The teachers at the time turned a blind eye and I had even heard our head of year laugh at it.

When I went to play at a friends one of my memories is her neighbours lad chasing me around cars pulling my hair and kicking me.

Late 80's it all calms down.......

My husband is white English, not that, that matters, but it did to his mother who sadly still had the archaic ideas about not mixing races, even though she is blessed with 4 gorgeous grandchildren.

Now it's all back and with a vengeance, devastated my friend of 15 years shared race hate posts, seeing posts all over twitter about the race hate towards all races.

To say I can't cope is an understatement, I was born here but have had it made clear to me I don't belong most of my life.

We have paid or way own our own home and are just a regular family, But now my husband is beside himself with worry over his job, it's a French company and trying to deal with me fretting.

Please don't tell me my fears and worries aren't real as I can see they are, what do I do? how do I cope, we just want our quite life back and not that I am a second class citizen or not wanted, I have no other country to call home.

Sorry used an alias, been losing my mind over all this, even in my hobby circle the posts are so abhorrently upsetting, people sharing memes with racist comments. I'm just not strong enough to cope.

I took the user name mumsnet suggested, it was easier, I am a regular on Mse and here, I'm not out to cause trouble just needed to vent, I can't keep going through it with my older children and husband as I feel I'm upsetting and worrying them with how I feel.

I can identify with a lot you have said op. It's very worrying and unsettling and all we can hope for us that the majority of people don't feel like this. It's hard though as I keep thinking if the 52% :(
I do worry that racists now feel enabled to say say and do what they want. It's shocking, feel we've been sheltered from these views to a certain extent, my friends and colleagues are horrified by the result. I am trying to take some comfort from that.

They may be loud but they don't represent the majority. I hate that people are behaving this way, and that I and others in the silent majority are absolutely no bloody use to you right now. But please do know, this is not how most people feel.

My husband as an analyst tells me it was only 39% of the actual country that voted for this so it's not half as I keep saying, but still it's 39% too much in my eyes.

Sorry if this upsets anyone it isn't intended too, i'm sorry others are feeling it too.

I'm so sorry op. I'm sure it will calm down - perhaps when England are out of the football...

Wait.

If there is any hope, we all have to stop talking about "the 52%" as if they are one homogenous group of people who are all mini Farages. They are not.

I am a mixed race Remain voter. I have been guilty of dismissing Leavers as standing with the racists. But we can't do that. That way lies division and hatred and an ever greater gulf.

What are you talking about sandra

If it's any consolation, many people are outraged by the racism. I've haven't, since i was quite young, known even every day racism to be acceptable, never mind hate speech. They are not a reflection of the majority opinion in this country. Brexit has given a horrible minority a voice.

For what it is worth, I am white British (if that matters) regardless of your skin colour or heritage you would be welcome in my home same as any other.
I will always defend your right to be in this country and your right to not have abuse physical or otherwise hurled at you, I will always make this known when I come across racism and/or xenophobia.
I am sorry for the treatment you have endured. This goes to anyone in the same situation
❤️

Huge huge sympathies. My uncle is Indian and when he married my dad's sister they faced horrible attitudes as a mixed race couple (not from my family I hasten to add!)

You are not being at all unreasonable to be upset but please be assured than the majority of us don't think like this at all!

I'm so sorry OP.

My beautiful mixed race goddaughter has had her first racist abuse today. She's 3. The UK feels like a nasty place right now.

Please know that most people aren't like that.

This result seems to have given some people that extra nudge to show their true colours.

Please believe that there are plenty of us who want you here, are just like you (I'm lucky in that my immigrant roots aren't as obvious to the casual observer - although my name gives them away). Of all my aquaintances on Facebook, I've had to remove 2 for spouting racist, nationalist rubbish, but everyone else is just surprised and wondering what we do now.

I understand you. I was born in the 80's to parents who came over from Pakistan in the 70's. I remember drunk skin heads punching our fence down and screaming "paki" every night. I was the only Asian in the class and made fun out of for wearing leggings under a dress.

I started to feel part of society when I started university and found nobody cared about my skin colour, my clothes, my lifestyle and what I ate. We were all different but so similar regardless of where we came from. That's education. That's multiculturalism.

We live in a city that voted remain and I'm proud of that. No one on my newsfeed is making racist comments. If they did I'd delete them ASAP.
Your fears are real. I'm worried by what this brexit will mean for my children in the future.

I am so sorry too. I can't believe people are acting like this. Even a minority. I used to be proud to live here now I'm ashamed.

X

I am reading about this in all the newspapers online. I am so sorry OP. This is madness.

The leave result has definitely given more of a voice to racists. It has set us back to a less tolerant and more nationalist past.

Please hold on to the fact that there are many, many inclusive, accepting people in the UK and that not everyone who voted leave will be a racist.

I'm lucky in that my fb feed is full of people who are all outraged and very concerned at the outpouring of hate right now. I'm Jewish and I don''t look at all British. It is scary but all we can do is remember the majority don't hate those who don't look or sound typically English.

Every day on my bus route (which goes through some pretty crappy areas), I see people being kind to each other - helping people with pushchairs, moving to let someone with a disability sit down and generally being polite and decent. In London recently I had people help me with my case on the underground and station. I had help with dgd's pushchair in shops etc. There ARE LOTS of nice people out there. There is so much outrage at the acts of intolerance over the last few days.

I hear you OP - I think we are pretty similar ages, and I remember being the only non-white kid in school, the police saying they couldn't do anything about the racist bullies who beat me up as they were only kids, etc.

But it's not 52%, or even 38%. It's a much smaller percentage emboldened by the idea that the majority is with them. The rest are angry, confused, wanting to protest - but not fundamentally incapable of seeing you and I as people.

I want to lash out. But I can't drive people into Farage's arms. It is fucking hard to try to be understanding when it feels like a large percentage of the population deliberately gave a big FUCK YOU, but I need to understand why. Because to be frank, I think that's our best hope. Even if I don't feel like I have much energy for that right now.

Ladyballs, that's devastating to know anyone could be sick enough to give abuse to a 3 year old, i can't express my disgust enough at that, I hope your god daughter and family are all okay x

Buttock, literally mirroring my upbringing, I have to keep telling myself it will blow over when the country has proper leadership and they take a grip of the situation.

Thanks for the replies it is all appreciated.

Can I just say, I voted remain, but I have stayed away from all the EU threads in the last few days, because it has all been so nasty.

I didn't vote, leave and I am appalled at the result, but I am absolutely sure that many/most of the vote leavers were not voting from racist motivations, but from a desire to do what they thought was best for Britains future, just as I did. We just disagree on what that is.

Farage has a lot to answer for, including inciting (in my opinion) racism across the UK. But most leavers are not Farage supporters. Most leavers are not xenophobic Little Britainers. That stereotype is very handy, useful to just chuck blame around. But for the future of our country we have to accept that neither leavers nor remainers fit the stereotypes being chucked around.

This horrible state of affairs will only move on if we stand together against the nasties, and stop pretending that all leavers fall into that box.

I am white British and a remainer. Not all Brexiters are rabid racists: my brother voted out to "shake things up a bit". He didn't think it through. He works for a German company that has already made it clear it will shift operations solely to Germany in the event of an exit. I don't think he is alone.

I'm telling you that to reassure you that the vocal racists are actually still a minority, even among the 38% who voted to leave.

What makes me love where I live is that, historically, it is an immigrant city. It is 50% English as a second language in my kids' school and not only are my kids excelling academically, they are growing up with a kind of cultural richness and an understanding of religion and different cultures that I envy.

I am English. I am European. This is an immigrant country - and a richer, more successful place because of it. And while I will respect democracy and make the best of a very bad decision, I will challenge anyone I see or hear who thinks that racism is OK - what is happening right now is not OK, and it's not the England that I know and love.

I'm so sorry OP. I wish I could say something to make you feel better but I can't find the words. These are very dark times indeed.

I really hate what's happening to this country too.

No controversy here, just a very sad reflection of what the UK has become this week. I was thinking today I don't want to be English I want to be European. I wonder if there were people thinking like this as the Nazis came to power :(

I feel we have had an overnight slide to toward the far right.
I'm just waiting for the National Front or whatever name they hide behind these days to rear it's ugly head again.

Sandra, with respect, did you not know that the names "user+randomnumbers" was a system set up by MNHQ to automatically allocate a user name to new users? Or perhaps to name changers until or unless they personally change it?

OP, I am sorry this is happening. I wish I could say your fears are unfounded, but sadly the evidence is that they are not.

I am white British (not that it should matter), and the behaviour of some awful people since the referendum result makes me ashamed to be British. These dicks are an extreme and vocal minority. They are dangerous and threatening, but they do not represent most of us.

I voted remain, though live in an area which voted leave by a tiny fraction of 1%.

I worry for what is happening now. Really.

I hope you are OK.

I'm so sorry for you, op.
I know it isn't any consolation, but as many have said it is much less than 38% who feel this way.

And for a lot of those thinking of immigration, Britain First etc, it's born out of ignorance. I'm sure many of these would happily talk to you, go out of their way to help you etc.
But they feel downtrodden, stretched and struggling, and certain politicians and the media have given them a straw man (immigrants) they can blame for all of it.

Not that it makes any of it better, of course.

So sorry OP. I'm white British, but I am devastated by this vote. I hate the way far-right nationalism has raised it's ugly head, and seems to have been somehow legitimised by Brexit. I'm finding it very upsetting, and I'm seeing a few people I thought I knew well in a whole different light.

Brexiters will deny it, but it is happening, and it's not ok. I will speak out against it wherever I see it.