To want to shout 'you're not better than me because you're married to a hedge fund manager'?

[windygallows]

Okay, I'm not really going to shout it but sometimes I mutter it under my breath when I have to deal with the brazen snobbery of some of the mums at the school gate who think they are special because they married someone with money. I've never been too obsessed with money (maybe that's the problem) and have always worked full time in an area I love but doesn't pay well.

I thought I was over the highschool years of feeling inadequate if I didn't have the right clothes or background. But it turns out being in your 40s is just like highschool and the worst is having to deal with the utter snobbery of women whose main achievement is to marry someone who works in the city. It appears I got it wrong by not focusing on marrying well. And yes, I know that's a frigging white company cashmere poncho that you're wearing in your casual chic attire as you jump out of your Porsche Cayenne. Now please don't come over here to brag to me about your upcoming holiday, please....

Just that.

Yes these women do exist. It's not that they marry purely for money. But they do filter out anyone who isn't rich at the first hurdle*. Some of them pity those of us who have careers - they could have one if they wanted - but it;s a sign your husband doesn't earn enough.

The question is, do you let the opinion of someone who clearly has such a wildly opposing world view to your own bother you at all. I don't. I feel a bit sorry for them if anything. How will they survive if the husband leaves them?

*Once chatting to an acquaintance about a man I was newly dating. "What does he do?" "Oh boring stuff. The City." "Oh well good, he has money then."

Yes Sally. What goes around comes around. Payback is a bitch

We are pretty well off and have a big house and I was, until recently, a sahm.
I've had to deal with stereotyping bollocks like this for years.

I gave up work because my son is profoundly disabled.
I made my own money. I'm not a fucking brood mare. I don't care what people wear, drive or own as long as they are nice

When deciding if other women are judging you about superficial shit some of you would do well to look in the mirror.

years ago i went to a toddler group,there were a group of mums (all seemed nice and chatty) a couple with money but all married and "respectable"

my friend over heard one talking about her sons birthday party coming up and said she wasnt asking any single parents kids

Money talks Wealth whispers
The greatest wealth of all is love
You can be rich beyond your widest dreams but without love you are poor
Money cannot buy love or family

I have nothing against anyone single/partnered or married who chooses to SAH. What I am against. What really gets me goat in a major way is when these women married to Doctors, MDs ect look down their noses at single parents who don't work, and it does go on.

I get what you're saying but a SAHM is either no different to a "scrounger" single mum on the dole in your eyes, or she isn't.

Regardless of her dh's earnings, or whether she looks down on people.

But I don;t think anyone is saying that all well-off SAHM are like this?

There is a small, unpleasant subset (like there is of any group of people you care to name)

Most people are socially aware enough to know whether someone is deliberately sneering at them.

When deciding if other women are judging you about superficial shit some of you would do well to look in the mirror.

This ^^ exactly.

Couples make different choices when they decide to raise a family. There is no right or wrong in choosing to stay at home, or to go out to work.

The former does not make that parent a scrounger, or a career-less brood mare. It's just a different choice.

I feel there is quite a divide at school between mums that work and those at don't - I think both feel sorry for the other, although there are a few from either camp that would like to be working or would rather stay at home.

Personally, I'm quite glad that DH works in the city and earns a lot of money, I like going on nice holidays and being around for the children but I'd never look down on anyone who did work. I run a rainbows group and work for a homeless charity in a professional capacity, which I couldn't do if I had a full time job.

Maybe there's a bit on envy on your side and theirs.

Ive not got too much. Modest house, modest car, but at least. They were purchased due to "my" hard work and achievement.

I've not read such judgmental & nasty comments for a while. Brood mare? Scrounger single mums??

Hiding this thread, thought mumsnet was supposed to be a supportive forum? I agree with Pagwatch about those mirrors.

Yep I get it windy I am a single mum full time worker at a smart prep (bursary) and at the start of preprep I was so keen to make friends and thought it would be great ! 8 years on I am much harder I have seen how social climbing and invitations pass me by - it used to hurt now not so much. The one thing it has done for me though is now I am a lot better groomed I buy all designer from eBay and by osmosis everything is smarter haha so I don't fit in there and don't fit in where I come from ! All bollocks though I can't wait to leave next year although I'm grateful for being exposed to such cretinous behaviour whose only achievement is to marry 'well' depressing in this day and age.

Don't worry about it. When the economy hits a black hole the hedge fund ma gets could easily find themselves out of a job. Not necessarily secure.

Ma gets = managers !

Unless you can provide concrete specific examples of these women showing that they think less of you for having less money then YABVU and massively jealous and judgey.

I know rich people and poor people. But I don't know anyone who will fully wishes affairs, divorce and unemployment on others.
I do look down on people who do that.

My God the sexism on this thread is staggering!

Others and I have provided examples, but no one seems to be listening.

YANBU OP.

I know exactly the type you are referring to.

School playground is a farce for this type of behaviour .

I have totally distanced myself from school playground goings on now .

Money talks Wealth whispers
The greatest wealth of all is love

That is one of the most cringe-making things I've ever seen.

Yer all too easy to irritate

Sorry for brood mare comment. I am feeling bitchy tonight. SAHMs rule.

Maybe cringe making but its bloody true

Pagwatch - sorry, only my effing ^ key is working on my laptop so I can't bold your name.

Yes, I agree. Let's all just wish bad things would happen to someone who we perceive has more than us, shall we?

Others and I have provided examples, but no one seems to be listening.

it dosent matter this is MN where nobody ever judges anybody,no one listens to gossip and no one ever says anything bitchy

back in the real world it does exist

I can't c and p the first para but it just sets up that a farmer in his field stops to talk to a traveller...
"What sort of people live in the next town?" asked the stranger.
"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer, answering the question with another question.
"They were a bad lot. Troublemakers all, and lazy too. The most selfish people in the world, and not a one of them to be trusted. I'm happy to be leaving the scoundrels."
"Is that so?" replied the old farmer. "Well, I'm afraid that you'll find the same sort in the next town.
Disappointed, the traveler trudged on his way, and the farmer returned to his work.
Some time later another stranger, coming from the same direction, hailed the farmer, and they stopped to talk. "What sort of people live in the next town?" he asked.
"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer once again.
"They were the best people in the world. Hard working, honest, and friendly. I'm sorry to be leaving them."
"Fear not," said the farmer. "You'll find the same sort in the next town."

I'm just coming to the end of 20 years of school gate politics
Over three continents, state,
Private, co ed, single sex, boarding, day, mainly sahms, mainly working mums, v rich and real money worries and I've never had any problems: the odd comment but nothing serious. A handful of life long friends, loads to have a coffee with, even more I could message to check collection times or trip requirements.
Don't meet trouble half way! Don't wait for the cashmere poncho lady to annoy you, tell her something funny or ask her about her day.