To want to shout 'you're not better than me because you're married to a hedge fund manager'?

[windygallows]

Okay, I'm not really going to shout it but sometimes I mutter it under my breath when I have to deal with the brazen snobbery of some of the mums at the school gate who think they are special because they married someone with money. I've never been too obsessed with money (maybe that's the problem) and have always worked full time in an area I love but doesn't pay well.

I thought I was over the highschool years of feeling inadequate if I didn't have the right clothes or background. But it turns out being in your 40s is just like highschool and the worst is having to deal with the utter snobbery of women whose main achievement is to marry someone who works in the city. It appears I got it wrong by not focusing on marrying well. And yes, I know that's a frigging white company cashmere poncho that you're wearing in your casual chic attire as you jump out of your Porsche Cayenne. Now please don't come over here to brag to me about your upcoming holiday, please....

Just that.

I used to have a friend whose boyfriend worked in the financial sector and that was clearly the big attraction, at least to begin with. He supported them both. She didn't seem to do any much at all, just drifted from one thing to another. She certainly thought she was above getting a 9 to 5 job and sticking to it. As I've done exactly that kind of job for 30 years, I wasn't triffickly impressed with her attitude and she's now an ex-friend.

YANBU. The Porsche Cayenne is almost as ugly as the Nissan Juke. I'd rather drive a 15 year-old Vauxhall (which I do, in fact).

it works both ways you know. I grew up in a council estate to working class parents and had the fortune to land a job that made a decent living (I say had..I was made redundant when I was expecting my second).

I never felt I fit in with those who grew up with some money. I bought a house in a really rough area more like where I grew up but because of people like you I could never talk openly about my job or that I owned my house, took nice holidays etc for fear of being labelled as snobby just because I had earned enough money to be comfortable.

I married a man without money, I gAve a lot to charity and I felt really lonely in my community because of people assuming I was something Im not.

I hate people making assumptions about others - whatever capacity it is in its always mean.

a career less brood mare

Blimey. So that's what you call a SAHM with no career?

One of the mothers didn't work, and her DH was a hedge fund manager. She was so sniffy about people who went on 'flashy' new-money holidays to eg the Caribbean, as opposed to acceptable places such as Cornwall and the South of France. It was that sort of snobby judgemental attitude I found irritating.

I know that I am missing the point of this thread, but I am wondering: why do a hedge fund manager's DC not go to private school, or conversely, how you can afford to send your DC to private school?

I never see the mega wealthy at our DC's school gates because, frankly, the uber wealhty wouldn't be interested in our lovely little local school. (A few builder's wives decked out to the nines, maybe...)

I have managed 10 years of school runs without getting a complex. I drop and leave. If I happen to bump into someone I might have a brief chat, but normally because there is something organised or they are a friend of mine from outside school. Never have I noticed what they are wearing, or what car they have. If we have organised a play date or sleepover. I got the number from class list, or from dc and will chat on the doorstep quite happily or invite them in for wine/coffee after.

And I have some seriously well off/independently wealthy friends and some who are piss poor. I find that other people's money doesn't tend to come into the conversation. They are either nice or they are not.

Exactly. "Married to a hedge fund manager. Whatever the fuck that is, like.
Her husband's job isn't her achievements. If she doesn't work her self. She is no different to a "scrounger" single mum on the dole. Im sorry but. It's how I see it.

Owllady - :)

The parents I mixed with at my dc school gate lived in £2 million pound houses and council flats and everything in between. London is great for this. I honestly don't think I've ever spoken to anyone who thought they were better than me because their husband earns a lot of money, but perhaps I'm just delusional.

I do know that sort of thinking exists though - I saw a breathtaking example of it on Mumsnet thread just a day or two ago. Really quite shocking!

I think you should let all this pass you by. If it happens in these parts I don't notice it. I wouldn't know a Porsche Cayenne ran me over. I would advise that you spend less time at the school gates.

You do actually sound envious of the women. I agree with others that you haven't said anything they do that is snobby. Merely talking about the ordinary things in your life, even if they aren't ordinary to someone else, isn't snobby.

I was called a snob the other day because I had sunscreen in my handbag for the DCs. Meh.

I know women who are attracted to wealthy men.

Try not to let it get to you.

I was unaware such people existed until I took DD to ballet class. Wow.

Be confident in your own choices - happiness is not about porsches and cashmere jumpers (not ONLY about porsches and cashmere jumpers, I mean!)

Absolutely get you 100%

So SAHM's are no different to a "scrounger" single mum on the dole?

That's almost as bad as "career less brood mare"

Jesus, are these women only worthy in some people's eyes if they choose to go back to work, after giving birth?

I'm married to a hedge fund manager. We're not in the uk though so salary isn't at "city" level but still quite good.

This thread has me torn.

I'm too fat for cashmere and the piped perfume in The White Company shops makes me retch.

We're currently in holiday, in Cornwall.

I don't think I've ever told anyone what my husband does. It's too controversial where we live. I just say he's an accountant.

No kids yet but they will be going to private school.

I'm hate Porsche Cayennes. I'd love a Lexus NX though.

My DSis makes snidey comments about me snagging a rich guy. Er no, DH earned much less than me when we got together and has made his money since.

If she doesn't work her self. She is no different to a "scrounger" single mum on the dole.

Wow. What does this even mean?

I think the negative comments are only directed at snobby SAHMs who are judgy at you for not having a rich enough husband/ big house etc. It's hard to feel charitable when you are being excluded. I would never criticise a SAHM - only the ones who think they are better than me because of their DH's income. And it does happen.

I have nothing against anyone single/partnered or married who chooses to SAH. What I am against. What really gets me goat in a major way is when these women married to Doctors, MDs ect look down their noses at single parents who don't work, and it does go on.

of course these women exist

she may fall from grace and find her husband having an affair with a much younger model and she ends up on Income Support

it happens

I've never met any women who think that 'marrying well' was an achievement - that sounds like something out of the 1960s.

Are you sure it isn't you seeing someone driving a posh car, dressed to the 9s and talking about their holiday - and assuming they're showing off? They might just be talking about what they're up to and you are projecting your envy onto it.
And as Magrethe has pointed out your DCs all go to the same school