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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to leave DD aged 10 in a public library?

132 replies

diplodocus · 22/06/2016 13:56

Next year we will have a clash where both DDs need to be at after school activities in different towns at the same time. We were wondering about dropping DD1 at a public library a few doors down from her activity so she could wait in the children’s section (about 45 mins but I may be able to leave work and join her earlier sometimes) until her activities. She will be year 6 but nearly 11, and would be very happy to do this. We would talk to her about what she should do if anyone made her feel uncomfortable or there was an emergency, and she would have a mobile (although it may take up to about 30 mins for me or DH to get there, which I suppose is my main worry). What do you think? It’s certainly the sort of thing I would have been doing at her age. There are plenty of people in the library at this time.

OP posts:
AlmaMartyr · 23/06/2016 10:23

I work in libraries too and have never encountered a library that's such a dangerous place to be. I'm sure they do exist, but plenty of them are fine. We often have kids about this age sitting in the library and it's fine. They are no trouble and of course we would help in an emergency, just as we would help anyone in an emergency.

Occasionally people leave smaller children while they pop off to run errands and that can be difficult.

AnecdotalEvidence · 23/06/2016 10:27

Parents can and have been prosecuted for child abandonment after leaving their kid in a library.
IF a parent left a 3 year old whole they went shopping, or even a 10 year old while they went on holiday, then that would be child abandonment, but never for a 10 year old for 45 minutes!

The Librarians wouldn't be babysitting.

And I have never seen anything remotely similar to your description in all the time I spent with my kids in the library when mine were younger. There were always parents with younger kids around, and kids 10+ on their own reading, using the computers and spending time with friends.

AppleSetsSail · 23/06/2016 10:32

I wouldn't think twice about this. I was going to the library alone from the age of about 7 when I was growing up (and walked there and back).

NotCitrus · 23/06/2016 11:01

It'll be fine. She might get asked by a librarian where her parents are, she says she will be going to X in half an hour, end of problem.

Plenty of kids under 11 alone in our children's section (and yes, some dodgy people in other parts of the library, but then there are on buses and trains and stations too, so the girl might as well be in the library as anywhere else.)

Though someone's probably going to claim I shouldn't leave my 7yo in the childrens room at the library while I take young sibling to the toilet at the other end of the building.

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2016 11:16

TheDog, the problem is not that no-one believes you, it's that you don't appear to have credited the OP's intelligence at all.

She knows her local library and she knows her own child.

pudcat · 23/06/2016 11:22

At that age I would have stayed in the library all day if I could.

AppleSetsSail · 23/06/2016 11:23

TheDog all the things you mentioned happening in the public library are things that happen pretty regularly in parks across the UK.

I assume that there are a few active paedophiles about, which is why I have talked to my kids about this many times.

thedogdaysareover · 23/06/2016 11:27

Ok fine, and I apologise if that were the case, but I think I have also had my intelligence and sanity questioned, and accused of being hysterical and being told I am worthy of a good giggle. The library are hardly going to tell you that they have access (from the police) about which users are on the sex offenders' register, are they? How there are frightening concentrations of such people using libraries every day. The library are hardly going to tell you about repeated incidents involving people known to the police. Just because you are in there every now and again and everything looks ok doesn't mean it is. How senior library management never leave their children unattended because they know what they know, and advise us not to (admittedly when drunk at a staff do and shouldn't have been telling me, the library manager said there would be no effin way). All libraries look lovely and just because someone went there after school when they were a kid doesn't mean all libraries are safe now, and the inner city ones especially not. The climate has changed people.

Do what you want, all of you. I'm just sharing my observations and if I had a 10 year old, no effin way. Not for 45 minutes or ever.

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2016 11:30

The library are hardly going to tell you about repeated incidents involving people known to the police

No, but the local newspaper would Confused

thedogdaysareover · 23/06/2016 11:32

Libraries are not in the habit of phoning the newspapers every time they sling someone out.

AppleSetsSail · 23/06/2016 11:32

Fine Dog but to be clear, child molestation rates are not on the rise.

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2016 11:35

Now you're being ridiculous.

If an incident is so serious the library has to call the Police, the local newspaper will get to hear about it, without the library phoning them.

And how do you know what 'libraries' are in the habit of doing? Unless you've worked in every single one of them.

As I said, the OP knows her own library and her own child.

SheHasAWildHeart · 23/06/2016 11:42

librarians are not there to babysit your ten year old
She's not asking them to babysit her child.

I just worked in one for 14 years
One poor library doesn't mean that they're all bad. There's a supermarket near me that always has incidents of fights breaking out and thieving staff - that doesn't mean that all supermarkets in that chain are the same.

Everything pretty much summed up by OP: "If I let my daughter go round the shops for 45 mins (which plenty of people I know do) would I be using them as a crèche? Would it be OK to expect shop staff to help them if they were in trouble? And where is the right place for my DD to start learning a bit of independence?"

Also as someone who worked in a library it saddens me to see so many closing. If more young people like OPs daughter spent time in them, then we have a hope of keeping libraries open. We should all be actively encouraging our children to be visiting their libraries, not staying away.

thedogdaysareover · 23/06/2016 11:45

Have it your way, since you seem to know so much about it yourself, and your complete lack of experience trumps my 14 years, in that case, I am fine with being called ridiculous, since you are yourself. I don't have kids of my own but fuck me for putting in the time to be concerned about yours, even when it's not my job or responsibility, what a bitch eh?

TheoriginalLEM · 23/06/2016 11:50

my 10yo dd wouldn't be happy to do that but i would think it's actually fine if the child is ok with it. There will be staff there who whilst not there to watch your child per se she could approach if she felt uncomfortable.

i would happily send my child to the library alone for the purpose of visiting.

Saying that, my local library is small the next nearest library is massive and part of amuseum and might feel abit daunting.

HormonalHeap · 23/06/2016 11:54

Sorry not read whole thread but Omg. Why on earth wouldn't you leave a 10yo in a library? Ten year olds walk to school school don't they? Looking forward to when she's 18 and tells you she's on a bender to Amsterdam...

Lules · 23/06/2016 11:55

Just to add, because of my Dad's job my parents knew that there were paedophiles hanging round a public place I went to as a child. They didn't stop me going there, just made sure I knew not to talk to people I didn't know and that some people weren't nice. Fwiw I have spent a lot of time in (gasp!) inner city libraries and, yes I've seen a fair number of homeless people, but never anything awful.
And it's not using the library as a crèche - if someone was hassling me as an adult I would expect the staff to help and/or call the police and that's all you would want the staff to do for your DD.

PrivatePike · 23/06/2016 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueFolly · 23/06/2016 12:11

thedogdaysareover your reaction is so OTT that you are only going to get people ridiculing you now. If I were you I'd step away from the thread.

OP, of course your DD will be fine.

SheHasAWildHeart · 23/06/2016 12:25

It's a great chance to teach your child to be independent - has so happen one day.

WIBU to leave DD aged 10 in a public library?
mountaintoclimb · 23/06/2016 12:30

My dc always went to the library while I was out shop. She was a real bookworm and loved it. There were always older children in the children's section, doing their homework after school. It never occurred to me that there might be paedophiles about although if she needed to use the toilet I told her to ask permission from the librarian, just so someone knew where she was.

Owllady · 23/06/2016 12:32

I would like to know where this library is Confused

Tbh op I just see it as giving your dd independence. We have a three tier school system here and children are encouraged to walk to/from school in yr 4 (so 8 or 9yo) as when they go up to middle school in yr 5, most have to get to/from school on buses. My own were then going into town alone, letting themselves into the house alone. I can't see this is any different

The only place I've known open dirty pervy men is the swimming baths

sharksinthegrass · 23/06/2016 12:40

Haven't read all the thread but our library is happy for over eights to be there alone.
I remember leaving ten year old dd there doing an activity and literally running to the shop opposite to get pain killers and back. Blush and library staff laughing at me.

MothershipG · 23/06/2016 13:30

I reckon thedog used to work at Hounslow library, that can be a bit like she described and I absolutely wouldn't leave a child there.

However there are plenty of other libraries in the area where it would be fine. I would mention it to the staff as a courtesy and listen to them if they think it is not a good idea. They know their branch and clientele best.

Abetes · 23/06/2016 13:42

I would definitely. Lots of year 6 children are walking to and from school and being independent without people being unduly concerned about their safety - I would have thought being in a library would be safer if only because there isn't the added threat of traffic in the library.