WIBU to leave DD aged 10 in a public library?

[diplodocus]

Next year we will have a clash where both DDs need to be at after school activities in different towns at the same time. We were wondering about dropping DD1 at a public library a few doors down from her activity so she could wait in the children’s section (about 45 mins but I may be able to leave work and join her earlier sometimes) until her activities. She will be year 6 but nearly 11, and would be very happy to do this. We would talk to her about what she should do if anyone made her feel uncomfortable or there was an emergency, and she would have a mobile (although it may take up to about 30 mins for me or DH to get there, which I suppose is my main worry). What do you think? It’s certainly the sort of thing I would have been doing at her age. There are plenty of people in the library at this time.

That sounds fine, but do be aware that acc to a librarian I know, there can be a lot of homeless, druggies etc. hanging about. They had issues with public getting unattended handbags nicked. That was next to a social services building though...

Basically just tell her to settle down with a book in the children's area preferably in view of staff. I learned more in aforementioned dodgy library than in 14 years of school.

Our library has a sign up saying children under 12 must be accompanied by an adult. A staff member told me that it was because too many people were leaving their kids there for hours while they went shopping etc and the staff were ending up minding them .

It's not a librarian's job to look after your children. Why would you do this? Would it be ok if I dumped some kids you don't know off at your office without telling you where I was going or when I would be back? It is not in their job description!

You do see a library as a crèche, clearly you do, because you're saying if she gets into trouble the librarian won't mind sorting it out. I'm telling you they will mind, very very much. You're about to leave your CHILD there without signing her in with anyone, without any information given to an adult, and just hope that things will be ok. Wow. Librarians are not teachers, they don't have in loco parentis status.

It's a large city centre branch
Yes, those ones are always the safest..... Arrgghhhh!!!!!!!!
You are being so incredibly naive! Open access building (which it should be), free, access to children who are left by their parents without adequate support, and who think that a librarian will be there to pick up the pieces if things go wrong. Oh I wonder what could happen and who could possibly be attracted to that sort of place..... Oh but it has a cafe, so I guess it should be fine then.

Librarians phone the police when kids are crying in the library because their mum has left them and some weirdo or other kid has given them hassle. I was in London so maybe it is not everybody's norm, but it was in that borough, librarians talk to each other and I hear bad things happening in libraries all across the country. Librarians are pretty sick of being treated like babysitters. Expect a phone call and questioning from the police if something happens to YOUR ten year old, because YOU left them alone. Believe me, the police take the same dim view of people who do this as librarians do. You would honestly be better off leaving her at home alone, and you are not allowed to do that are you? So what makes you think that this is any better or more safe, or more fair, or more reasonable? You have a false sense of security that is very misguided and I am honestly shocked, because you don't seem to have a good grasp of your parental responsibilities, and would instead hand them over to someone you don't even know when it isn't even their job. Unbelievable! Look after your own child! It's not the 1950's anymore! Libraries are scary places!

Really interested in your replies. If I let my daughter go round the shops for 45 mins (which plenty of people I know do) would I be using them as a crèche? Would it be OK to expect shop staff to help them if they were in trouble? And where is the right place for my DD to start learning a bit of independence? We live very rurally so there's nowhere she can go from home. Not being defensive - really genuinely interested in replies. When I say city centre this is a really small, quiet, safe city - more like a market town with a cathedral.
You would honestly be better off leaving her at home alone, and you are not allowed to do that are you? - yes in a few months I would leave her at home for 45 mins, and there is certainly no law against this.

I haven't made my mind up yet what I'll do by the way. I am in the library at this time most weeks and really don't agree that "libraries are scary places" - although realise in the nicest of places things can happen. This is part of a wider question for me I suppose of how I let my DD have more independence - she's desperate to spread her wings a bit and I'm looking for sensible ways to let her do this.

Dear Lord, some kids of this age take a tube to school, so 10 journeys a week, underground with no signal, no kindly librarian, and they survive. Or they walk to local school / church / scouts / grandmas house. I'm baffled as to what unmanageable risks / threats would be presented to an 11 year old sitting reading a book for 45 minutes. Are children to be kept under parental supervision until they are 18, and then to be tracked at all times via iPhone apps. I'm sure some people here are on a wind up, no other explanation!

Why on earth would a year 6 child not be ok in a public place for 45 mins?
Surely if she went to choose books there she'd be there that long.

In the late 80s/early 90s as a book obsessed 9-14 year old I more or less lived in the local library. From year 7 (June birthday) that was where I went when I went into town alone. I would go in with last week's books, return them and then look for more. If I had time I'd find a seat and read a book. I certainly didn't stick to the children's section.

How is this a hassle for staff?

And I work in safeguarding.
Totally agree with anyname123

I can't believe some of the hysteria here. You are essentially suggesting she goes to a library (where she's been going every week with you anyway) on her own, once a week, for less than hour to change her books and perhaps do a bit of reading. Normal library activity! She will be absolutely fine - give her the usual chat about not talking to strangers, she has a mobile phone for emergencies - it is an excellent opportunity to start giving her some independence. My daughter was travelling into central London to school on the tube on her own from 11 - usually there was no incident, but occasionally trains would be stopped or diverted and she would have find an alternative route, there would be someone odd in the carriage (in the morning they were usually crammed in like sardines so difficult to even see if there was anyone odd in there) or on the platform - she knew to move subtly away, not make eye contact - certainly not to stare. She was absolutely fine, never came to any harm, grew in confidence and is now a street-wise 15-year-old happy to navigate the Paris Metro (where we now live) on her own. She carried on going to school on the Metro after two of France's worst terrorist attacks - both of which happened two minutes from our flat close to the metro stop she takes to school. She is the absolute personification of keeping calm and carrying on. That assurance and confidence doesn't come overnight, but by gradually loosening the apron strings and teaching your kids the right the thing to do. Isn't that our most important job as parents? Exactly what the OP is proposing.

I want a t shirt with "Libraries are scary places- all those ideas!" on it.
And I would also like a clear, unambiguous list of the dangers that a 10 year old will encounter while changing her books and possibly sitting in a chair reading for less than an hour in her local library.

That is one of the most hysterical posts I have ever seen thedogdaysareover
Seriously - what exactly do you think could happen to a 10-11 year old child in a library for 45 minutes?
And of course it would be ok to leave her at home on her own at that age!
I do wonder at what age you think it would be acceptable to do this

Ignore the scaremongering OP, 11 is certainly old enough to go to the library alone!

Library users getting caught masturbating to porn in kids' area
Homeless people, people with drug, alcohol and mental health issues in kids area
So many thieves that new releases are kept behind the desk and staff loiter around when people have left their laptops unattended.
Panic button under the desk and security guards (used regularly).
Users and staff being stalked.
Domestic violence near kids area.
Kids being left all day without food. Your kids are ok, you think, for 45 minutes, but what about the bored and abandoned ones who are acting up because they have been left all day and knock seven shades of shit out of your kid.

There's some ideas for ya. Here's an idea, librarians are not there to babysit your ten year old. Don't patronise me. Ok ish if the kid was 13/14, not ok at ten. I'm not advocating helicopter parenting, all I'm saying is that the public library isn't an ideal place to test out your child's ability to cope on its own age 10. Parents can and have been prosecuted for child abandonment after leaving their kid in a library.

Is that enough?

thedogdays - where on earth is your library?

I've never personally come across any if what you describe while I've been working.

Dog days- are you sure this den of iniquity was in London, and not, say, in gangland Compton, NY?

It's the only explanation I can think of for the massive overreaction.

Bad things happen, of course they do. But the chances of them happening to a sensible almost 11 year old with a phone in a public library are tiny.

I'm so to relieved that DogDays has let us know that homeless people / addicts / domestic abusers / paedos have such an affinity for public libraries. What with them being such a hotbed of debauchery and wild behaviour the rest of the high street must be free of trouble. Surely no one could encounter a homeless person or drunk on the walk to or from school, or be flashed by some pervert in the bushes, as it is solely confined to the library. Reassuring.

Our library sounds like yours OP. They are happy to have unaccompanied children from age 8. If it was my 9yr old I would probably mention to the librarian (also a friend outside of library), but my 11yr old I would happily leave unattended there. In fact that has given me another good idea for how to fill a gap next year on a busy evening with three dc in different places. Think she will be happier there than walking through a wood on her own.

FFS thedogdaysareover

I'm glad I came back to this thread.

It's brightened up a very dull morning!

When I was about 11 I'd cycle on my own to our library - must have been a 3 mile round trip on quite busy roads. I know things have changed but I am amazed that people think a 10 year old sitting and reading a book for 45 minutes is a problem!

I bet certain libraries were scary places when certain librarians were on the loose in there.

Ok, don't believe me, I'm ok with that. I'm ok with you all laughing at me. I just worked in one for 14 years, and saw how libraries are becoming places you wouldn't want to leave your children unattended only because other places that support people with problems are being closed and funding cut, and it's sometimes the only warm free place that they can go in the city. I feel very afraid and sorry for those people too, but it doesn't take away the fact that these people are sharing the same space as your 10 year old.

thedog - I'm certainly not saying I don't believe you, but I do think your library sounds quite unlike the one I have in mind. And really, I'm not expecting anyone to look after my child, just for her to be able to access a public service in the same way as everyone else. Many thanks to everyone who responded. I don't need to make a final decision until end of September about thi, and have the summer to think about things and maybe do a few phased trial runs.

I think the days are over for thedog Seriously, there's hysteria if ever I've seen it.

Op, she'll be fine. At 10 I was leaving school, walking to the local (large) city centre library and making myself comfortable for a hour before getting my bus home.

10 is the perfect age to start gaining a bit of independence in preparation for secondary school. Even better that she's able to do it in a place you both know and feel comfortable with. I would have no problems letting my own kids do this. In fact by 10, I would be expecting them to walk themselves to the library (10 minute walk from home) and back if they wanted to go.

Our library do a summer holiday reading challenge and kids from all over our town walk themselves there for it.

It's fine, it really is.

I have a DD who will be 11 in September. She stays at home on her own sometimes. She hasn't gone to the library on her own in our village, but she has gone to the park to meet friends. She is fine.

I would have no problem with her doing what the OP has suggested. I know we can't guarantee whether or not there paedophiles anywhere but equally we can't live a life where we are constantly worried about what might happen.