WIBU to leave DD aged 10 in a public library?

[diplodocus]

Next year we will have a clash where both DDs need to be at after school activities in different towns at the same time. We were wondering about dropping DD1 at a public library a few doors down from her activity so she could wait in the children’s section (about 45 mins but I may be able to leave work and join her earlier sometimes) until her activities. She will be year 6 but nearly 11, and would be very happy to do this. We would talk to her about what she should do if anyone made her feel uncomfortable or there was an emergency, and she would have a mobile (although it may take up to about 30 mins for me or DH to get there, which I suppose is my main worry). What do you think? It’s certainly the sort of thing I would have been doing at her age. There are plenty of people in the library at this time.

So what age is it OK for a child to be in public without a parent/carer dogdays?

Serious question. Cos they do have to do it at some point. I'm sure we can all agree on that.

I am in no way exaggerating when I say it was a rare week when the police were not called to the library. I watched a man beating up his girlfriend in front of about 30 other people. People said to me, aww you work in a library, that must be so nice.

No, no it was not nice. Not for me working with a lot of other colleagues as an adult, a lot of them big beefy blokes. For your kid on her own age 10? My skin crawls.

Depends on library but in mine it was 16. You can't join the library without a parent being present if you are under 18.

He wasn't asked to leave because the management were weak. I have to go now, but I'll just leave that there. I am happy to answer any questions via pm but I'm not happy to say anymore here.

Sounds like you had a rough time of it dogdays. But there are plenty of libraries out there where a 10 yo would be fine to be on their own with staff nearby.

Sounds absolutely fine

Where on earth are these paedo infested libraries? I've been to loads near my various residences in the UK, and have never felt uneasy. I did notice the odd regular person (usually elderly) seeking company an warmth but they were innocuous. If customers are removing their shirts and so on, staff need to be robust about it and that goes for any public place.

Last thing, but please consider, libraries are under threat. Management want customers in there at all costs, anybody, otherwise their library might close. I know plenty of people who lone-work in libaries because of staffing cuts. Library staff, even the lovely ones in the small suburban library who would protect your child and take a bullet for them no question if asked, are far too busy to keep close watch on your child, no matter how much they want to. The snotty ones who are still very much in libraries, who studied for 4 years to get their librarianship qualification consider it beneath them to look after your children and just plain won't. Dodgy people hang out in all libraries, even the naice ones.

I've been thinking about this since I saw your post OP. Please don't do it. Libraries are seen as safe community spaces but really are no safer than anywhere else. There are risks to what you are planning and it's not worth the risk. There must be another solution, a friends house she could go to perhaps or a friendly neighbour?
I'm a qualified librarian who studied for 3 years, it's not beneath me to look out for a child as thedigdaysareover suggests but bad things can still happen.
Don't do it OP please.

She's nearly 11, she'll be fine!

Well now you're tarring everyone with the same brush. Library managers want people in, yes, but not if they are shirtless or harassing others or behaving inappropriately around children. Your management team were presumably awful, but the vast majority of library staff I've encountered (management or otherwise) are not.

Having work at a library for many years I think the previous posters unfortunate experiences are not the norm.

We frequently have children of 8 and over coming in by themselves, especially during the summer reading challenge.
If there was trouble with adults in the children's section, the adults would be asked to leave the section, if not the whole building.
Ours is set up so the children's area is overlooked by staff all the time, it's quite small though. I'd say, if your DC is happy then I wouldn't have an issue with it

Bloody hell.

I belonged to three libraries at that age (we were only allowed three books at a time!). My mum would have been really fed up if she'd had to take me!

Are they really not safe for children of 11 now?

If you could be with her in 5 mins if she needed you then I would say yes but 30 mins is a long time. My ds is 12, he is left at home alone and leaves the house alone but I am never far away

At her age for 45 minutes a week, I think it's fine. There are some odd comments here. There's risks everywhere in life but I don't think sitting in a library is too bad.

Erm....?????

What age do your children go out without a parent, then?

This child is almost secondary school age! Surely most children catch buses across town, go to the shops etc by the time they reach secondary age?

My almost nine year old goes to the library alone while I go shopping - for about half an hour.

How does she feel about it?
Put some safety strategies in place. Make sure she knows what to do if someone approaches her and tried to talk to her, or persuade her to leave with them.

Is your child definitely street wise and sensible enough to walk away from someone that tries to befriend her, when they see her in the library alone every week at a nice, predictable time? Because it could become a very easy grooming opportunity if there is someone who uses it as a location to seek out isolated children. That might be very unlikely, but it's a possibility.

Personally, I wouldn't hesitate to leave my 10 year old in the library for a short time on an ad hoc basis. She also goes to the shops, walls to school etc without an adult. But I think she could be taken in by a familiar face that she sees in the library every week and would stop regarding as a "stranger".

In our borough 8 is the youngest that children may be left on their own in the library. Adults without children are moved on from the children's section. However we will call social services if a child under 8 is left on their own and the parent cannot be located in the building. An 11 year old should be fine.

She's going to be at secondary school in a few months. Of course she can hang out for 40 minutes in a public library.

Sounds like a perfect place for her to stay at that time.
Good practice for looking after herself.

I'm astonished that people think this isn't okay.

But I've noticed that even children now don't think they are safe being 'out' without an adult (not sure they'd think it about a library).

3 Year 6s where I work left a trip to another school on the premise of 'going to the toilet'. They actually went to a shop next to the school to get sweets. Obviously extremely naughty of them but when I asked the one I am responsible for the question, 'Tell me why you think this was such a bad decision' I was expecting her to say things like letting people down, getting staff in trouble, destroying people's trust in her etc. What she actually said was, 'because we could have been murdered or kidnapped' - they only went 20 metres out of the school for 5 minutes and they're 11!

I think cautiousness like this in adults is what leads to near adolescents thinking it's unsafe to be anywhere without an adult.

It is tricky isn't it, a kid of 10 is 'on the cusp' I would say of having some confidence, some street sense, some independence. Personally I waited until mine was 12 before I let him wait in the library one day after school. But there were lots of other kids in there.

I heard the library talk about kids who looked 8, and they weren't happy about that.

If it's worth anything, I personally wouldn't do it just yet, but if you are, get some time off work to accompany your child for the first two times. Text her when she's in the library. Go through stranger danger tips. Make sure that the route from the library to her activity is safe. Better still, see if she can pair up with someone else who is doing the same.

I don't think I've ever had such a popular thread before! It's a large city centre branch, albeit in a small city (with a café, meeting rooms etc.) so very unlikely to close for any reason other than an emergency (that I'd have to brief her for). We go there together prior to her activity at the moment (and I then wait for her there) so we know it well, and it's a very short, safe walk to her activity. It seems perfectly fine when we're there.
I certainly don't see a library as a crèche - DD is nearly 11, and doesn't need babysitting. However, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect staff to help her in the event of major difficulty - in the same way I would expect them to help someone of any age, or would expect someone in a shop or any other public building to help a client having difficulties.