Is there a non homophobic definition of the word bent that me & Ds may be unaware of before I complain to school?

[Balletgirlmum]

Not very happy. Having various problems at school. Ds displays clear traits of asd but not being given reasonable adjustments. Also bullying happening.

Today in PE he was straitening the long jump measuring tape. Teacher asked what hecwas doing.

I'm straitening the tape cause it's bent.

Teacher replied - the only bent thing here is you.

Ds is not gay (he's only 12) but we have several family friends who are & older dd has lots of classmates at another schools who identify as lgbt.

AIBU to think that this isn't on?

teachers really do not have the time or the inclination to be personal

Really seriously. There are bullies in every job and teachers have never been and will never be the exception.

As a kid and as a parent and grandparent have met total psycho bully teachers, exceptionally wonderful teachers and lots of Inbetween.

And yes here bent is bender and 100% means gay.

1. Whether or not they are trying to be personal, I'm pretty sure that teachers have a responsibility not to use discriminatory language. It doesn't matter what was meant, it matters what would have been understood by the pupils. It is quite clear that this teacher was teaching a group of children who had come across 'bent' in the context of gay.

2. Teachers also have a responsibility to make adaptations for children with special needs. In the case of ASD this would include communicating clearly.

Quick update as fast turnarounds between drama rehearsal & singinh group.

Teacher has made similar comments in the past Ds can't remember specifics. Today other kids were around they laughed & said things like ha ha even sir thinks you're gay.

School as a whole don't recognise Ds has Sen they see meltdowns as bad behaviour he chooses to do. (There are certain exceptions some of the teachers there are wonderful)

But bent means gay.

Not always, it also means crooked or dodgy as has been said many times.

A lot of the posters who say bent means a dodgy copper seem to come from London/south/south east areas?

That's not where we live.

When you first posted, I thought it could mean that he was bent down, straightening the tape, but if other pupils laughed and said even sir thinks you're gay then I'd complain - not that being gay is or should be considered a slur on someone but that his casual use of it caused your son to be mocked.
Can you get a referral via your GP for ASD testing? Once he has a diagnosis then the school will have to be kinder. DS2's school have been brilliant ever since he was diagnosed. Beforehand, they thought he just had bad attitude.

Pretty Dumb When young LGBT people stop being at higher risk of suicide and more likely to have suicidal ideations then perhaps being called bent by a person in authority surrounded by your peers could be classed as a mild insult. The OP's son is already vulnerable and already being bullied, and this P.E teacher and his homophobic quips could potentially have tipped him over the edge. It is completely unacceptable. If you honestly think that the OP should use it as an opportunity to teach her son to man up then you are living up to your user name.

"But bent means gay.

Not always, it also means crooked or dodgy as has been said many times"

In this case it does, the numerous times it was said is from people living somewhere that has a different meaning to 'crooked or dodgy'. So in this case bent was said to mean gay. Not rocket science to figure that out really.

Been to the GP. He sent a referral off to Camhs who wrote back to say "due to extremely high demand we are unable to offer you a date for your first appointment at present"

So Balletgirlmum your DS is enduring bullying already, and now a teacher (reading your last post) has subjected him to mockery?

I'd complain like a shot. Utterly disgraceful.

Hmm. That's rubbish not giving a date for your referral.

Have you contacted the National Autistic Society. They may have a regional branch that can give specific help on how to get your referral moving.
www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/children.aspx

I am in two minds about this. The bent as in bent over view makes sense to me - after all, kid was presumably bent down fixing the tape, teacher goes up and asks, the phrase "the only bent thing is you" comes out - as it's the word the boy used, he's using bent in terms of folded over and the teacher basically said it before his brain caught up and he realised. Not a great thing to happen but we're human and I can understand a slip like that.

The other side of it is the gay meaning, which is obviously unacceptable. I'd like to think most teachers wouldn't say that but I can definitely see it happening. Given that teacher apparently has form for it that adds a lot to it

Balletgirl, ask for a referral to the community paediatrician. Camhs will knock back everything less than critical because they are inundated. They are not always best for an ASD diagnosis anyway. Get the GP to refer. And keep at them with he right level of polite persistence until you get somewhere.

My son got his diagnosis through paediatrician and we never even got told about camhs

You seem to be ignoring the most obvious reason for this which several people have pointed out. To straighten out the tape your child was probably bent over.

No teacher I know would ever refer to a child's sexuality (I am a teacher myself.)

I think your child has potentially taken the wrong meaning from it. The simplest way to deal with this is call the school and ask the teacher what he meant by the term. We get calls all the time from parents getting the wrong end of the stick and wanting situations clarified. I am always happy to talk to parents.

I once had a child tell total lies about me to her Mum because I had given her a DT for not doing her homework. The parent sent me the rudest email I have ever read, full of the lies her daughter had told. I was very happy to set her straight on the matter but I hold no ill will towards the parent or the child. (I'm not in anyway saying your child has lied, I'm just saying as teachers we are used to dealing with these things and the teacher will be happy to talk to you about it.)

Complain. I'm from London and have always known that bent can mean both crooked and gay. The PE teacher clearly meant gay in this case.
The idea that he meant bent over is laughable. If he tries to claim that that's what he meant it will come across as a desperate attempt to avoid getting into trouble.
I would be absolutely livid if a teacher said this to one of my sons, and I'm not usually the type to complain as I tend to avoid confrontation.

I can't understand the people making excuses for the teacher. It's so obvious that he said it to insult him.

It really does not matter whether or not we think bent means gay in this context. We're unlikely to be able to second-guess it.

What matters is:

1. Clearly it wasn't a compliment
2. Clearly the OP's son is upset and confused by it
3. There's some history of classmates using homophobic terms about him.

Any normal teacher will want to make this boy feel better. People who think the OP will be a laughing stock must know very few teachers, or only the very shite examples of the profession.

Chatting to colleagues about this sort of issue, we all have experiences where students mistakenly think we said something we didn't and we all have experiences of saying something we later wished we hadn't - even if we meant it innocently.

But it should be sorted out.

user - the other children think the teacher called him gay, and that such an epithet is derogatory. That's not misreporting the original remark.

I'm appalled that the school is failing to meet his needs and that now he is becoming a figure of fun for staff and children alike. Definitely warrants a meeting about DS's impressions.

Even if the teacher meant the kid was bent over, the "the only x is you" is fairly rude and not a good idea to use with an emotional child who is getting picked on and may have ASD.

Using a word like bent with a very common insulting meaning is particularly unfortunate and while I'd love to believe that PE teachers have all become pleasant people since I left school, loads of MN threads show that there's still lots with dinosaur-age attitudes.

I thought this thread would be about the phrase 'get bent' which I would believe isn't homophobic. Surprised how few people have heard 'bent' to mean gay - though I suppose it's more likely if oyu or friends are gay. There's a great play called Bent about being gay in a WWII concentration camp, for example.

"You seem to be ignoring the most obvious reason for this which several people have pointed out. To straighten out the tape your child was probably bent over. "

Yes and when the rest of the class laughed and said 'even sir thinks you're gay'. somehow the teacher didn't hear and correct them saying he meant that OP's DS was bending over.

I'm from Kent. Where 'you're bent' means 'you're gay'. And possibly, secondarily, 'you're a criminal' but only if used by one 'copper' to another 'copper' in a 1970's I TV drama.