Is there a non homophobic definition of the word bent that me & Ds may be unaware of before I complain to school?

[Balletgirlmum]

Not very happy. Having various problems at school. Ds displays clear traits of asd but not being given reasonable adjustments. Also bullying happening.

Today in PE he was straitening the long jump measuring tape. Teacher asked what hecwas doing.

I'm straitening the tape cause it's bent.

Teacher replied - the only bent thing here is you.

Ds is not gay (he's only 12) but we have several family friends who are & older dd has lots of classmates at another schools who identify as lgbt.

AIBU to think that this isn't on?

There can't be the slightest doubt that the teacher meant it as any thing else but an insult.

"the only bent thing here is you"

And people on here think he was describing somebody bending over? What?! It was a put down with the word "bent" being the insult, and bent means gay.

Yes, it can also be a dishonest police officer/official, but do you really think the teacher was likening him to a dishonest policeman? WTF?!

Or commenting on the angle of somebody's body? WTAF?! Why the hell would anybody think of saying that? The next time a pedestrian walks in front of my car as I'm about to drive off should I open the window and shout "Your body is 10 degrees off vertical!"? People don't talk like that. I cannot believe it's even been suggested.

It was an unthinking homophobic slur using the word "bent" in a generic "that's so gay" kind of way.

A lot of the posters who say bent means a dodgy copper seem to come from London/south/south east areas?

I'm in Scotland the first meaning for me would be "dodgy" "crooked" but that is probably because like the police force my profession can have "bent" characters in it too.

That's not to belittle the inappropriateness of what was said. In the context here I would imagine gay was what was meant.

Teachers come in all shapes and sizes, mentally as well as physically. I've worked with so many, ranging from superlative to useless, saintly to savage. The remark is unforgivable, almost certainly meant homosexual and the teacher should be asked to explain himself.
One of the best and most compassionate men I ever met taught PE but unfortunately that department sometimes attracts disappointed individuals 'a man among boys and a boy among men' who like to both throw their weight about and try to be a hero to their pupils. Any quick quip at a child who is an outsider is all right, it gets a laugh and no one will do anything, will they?
But you and DH will, I hope it goes well and makes that man think before he verbally bullies and insults his pupils.

Tangential thought: not many sportsmen admit to being gay, do they? Sports and PE are the macho manly areas, aren't they?
No homosexuals there, yeah, right!

I would totally assume the literal meaning and I would assume he meant stop fiddling with the tape and get up and carry on with the task at hand.

That was my hand on heart instinctive interpretation. Because that makes sense to me and because any teacher using the word to mean gay or crooked would be committing a sackable offence. That's not to say teachers can't do terrible things but unless this man is unhinged he would be very unlikely to be using language that amounts to vile abuse in day to day parlance with his pupils. I'd assume he was just taking the word your Ds used and echoing it back and in the echo it could be interpreted another way. As someone said up thread if your DS said "this is boring" I can imagine a teacher saying "the only thing boring round here is you".

The other interpretation is that he's a vile abuser who should be removed from his profession.

Either is possible. I think one is more likely than the other. You will have your own sense of the probabilities.

The teacher meant gay. How dare he say that to your son? Complain. I'm flabbergasted at those saying the teacher didn't mean anything.

I asked my DD (14) about this and what she thought it ment and in school they 100% use 'bent' as a homophobic term. It was probably meant as a joke as thats what they do when they're in secondary school tbh even though DD doesn't like it. But a teacher? I would complain definitely. As your DH is going into school i would maybe drop it into that conversation.

"Bent over" seems like such a bloody disingenuous reach. As a Black and bisexual person who left sixth form in '11 i can tell you I heard these types of comments a lot, in "good" schools by "good" teachers. Pretending this doesn't exist doesn't cure the problem, it means that more people have to suffer until someone speaks up.

This teacher meant gay, the OPs last post can confirm that. Like other posters the teacher might twist himself in knots to deny it but at least there's a chance he might also think before saying these comments in future.

Sorry but "it's because he was bent over" is disingenous and makes NO sense.

I disagree. Bent is such a known term for gay and I think that's exactly what he meant.

"trafalgargal

Lougle not doing yourself much good there (you do presumably understand the purpose of a CC). Not all boards of governors work on the jobsworth method, some are genuinely invested in the schools and not just their stipend."

Not wishing to derail the thread in any way, but in response: I take my safeguarding role very seriously, but I am still bound by the policies and procedures of the school. That is, that complaints are addressed to to school first, generally to the teacher, certainly to the head teacher, and only if the complaint was not resolved through the usual complaints process should governors become involved. Not least because it is vital for Governors to have arms length involvement with the operation of the school, so that if there is a deeper problem they can deal with it impartially and without having been tainted by prior knowledge and involvement.

Secondly, my 'stipend' is precisely £0, each and every month of each and every year (5.6 years now). I get no benefit from being a governor other than the satisfaction of seeing children with complex learning difficulties getting an outstanding education from staff who value them and see their worth in society.

Balletgirlmum I hope this is resolved quickly for you.

All those posters who are saying stuff like "I am a teacher and a teacher would never do that" need to seriously examine their consciences and consider the extent to which they are discrediting their profession. The correct response as a teacher would be to say "I'm a teacher, I would advise you to contact the school principal and have a calm discussion about what occurred. I hope there is an innocent explanation and it is all sorted out to everyone's satisfaction but there are some teachers who lack professionalism and it's best to bring these issues to the principal's attention".

Rallying round in immediate defence without knowing the details at all is the kind of institutional response that needs challenging because it is how shit gets covered up. Same goes for medical profession, nursing, policing, etc. The posters who say that staff will be laughing, OP will have egg on her face, etc., need to think about the potential consequences of not reporting bullying/ harassment at an early stage. This shit needs nipping in the bud. Any principal worth her salt will want to look into a staff member using a term commonly understood to be derogatory towards a student, if nothing else to ensure her staff member is made aware that he needs to be much more mindful.

Then there are the "you're a professional offence taker" if you question casual discrimination, homophobia, sexism, etc. Give me strength.

OP, I come from the South West. Bent means both gay and corrupt. The context you have given makes the former interpretation seem much more likely. That there were other kids around who then laughed and have been handed ammunition compounds the teacher's error. Do raise it with the school.

OP

Frankly, people who think it meant anything other than gay are IDIOTS

I am from London and the Southeast

Another teenage tester here - "Really? They should complain. That's horrible."

And agree about the kneejerk declarations that of course no teacher would do this.

Awful thing for a teacher to say.

I am a teacher, and you should definitely take it up with the school. As I said down thread, it is inconceivable that a PE teacher would not know exactly what the other boys would take from it. He is using teenage boy banter massively inappropriately. Sadly, schools do not deal with homophobic language as robustly as they deal with racist language. It infuriates me.

I just asked dd about this, changed the situation slightly so he was just straightening something that was bent and she said

Was it mr X, the boys PE teacher?

Talk to school, the intent seems clear

NotYoda

Educate yourself.

www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/bent

adjective

1Sharply curved or having an angle:
‘a piece of bent wire’

2British informal Dishonest; corrupt:
‘a bent cop’

2.1Stolen.

3British informal, offensive (Of a man) homosexual.

HTH

OP, if your 12yr old son picked up the "gay inference" you need to have a quiet word with this PE teacher, and ask him to elaborate for the sake of your Ds's peace of mind. If the PE bloke is genuine, no problem. If he was having a pop at your Ds, this lets him know he's on your radar.

Apologies if X posted with others.

OP,
www.antibullying.net/homophobicinfo3.htm

HTH

Of course he meant gay. It may have been a play on words if your DS was also bending down. Definitely complain.

Absolutely unacceptable. Complain. Offensive to your son but also a horrible message for other kids to hear who may be having their own worries about their own sexuality.

The teacher's comment was rude whatever the intended meaning of the word. If your DS was bothered by it then make a complaint, if he wasn't then let it go.

Yeah, because a quiet word with the teacher is bound to get the explanation "yes, I was making a homophobic comment"?

" If your DS was bothered by it then make a complaint, if he wasn't then let it go."

Yes- so he can carry on and say it to someone else. Good plan.

Frankly, people who think it meant anything other than gay are IDIOTS

That'll be me, then! Bent to me means crooked or dodgy. I would never have thought of it to mean gay other than as a tenuous pejorative link to dodgy. But I'm not a teacher and I'm not down with the kids so can only guess the teacher would know the local colloquial connotations.