Is there a non homophobic definition of the word bent that me & Ds may be unaware of before I complain to school?

[Balletgirlmum]

Not very happy. Having various problems at school. Ds displays clear traits of asd but not being given reasonable adjustments. Also bullying happening.

Today in PE he was straitening the long jump measuring tape. Teacher asked what hecwas doing.

I'm straitening the tape cause it's bent.

Teacher replied - the only bent thing here is you.

Ds is not gay (he's only 12) but we have several family friends who are & older dd has lots of classmates at another schools who identify as lgbt.

AIBU to think that this isn't on?

Where I'm from bent 100% means gay and is about as derogatory as it gets (Yorkshire)

My PE teachers in the 90s would call the weaker/smaller/sensitive boys 'benders and bum boys' it made my blood boil then and it saddens me this shit still happens.

Please do complain

And what does it say to the other kids in the class? The ones who are gay, and the ones who are homophobic? It's not a 'mild insult' ffs.

Something Ds said a while ago occurs to me at this point when another boy in his class called him queer.

He said - I think it's wrong. Im not gay but there is nothing wrong with being gay but if people use it as an insult them there may be someone in the class who thinks they might be gay & might be struggling with it & it might make it more difficult for them if they think they will get laughed at for it & they might get all upset or some people might even harm themselves.

Speak to the school. Here that would mean gay. Not on to speak to a child like that. Or in fact anyone.

a laughing stock in the staff room if you complain

The gay staff members won't be laughing

Also, shouldn't you teach your son to take it on the chin

Or perhaps the adult teacher might be able to 'take it on the chin' when he is told that 'mild insults' aren't the best way to communicate with his 12 year old pupil with ASD?

Wouldn't that be a learning experience too?

You absolutely would not be a laughing stock in the staff room if you complained. And I completely agree with the PP who said that it is inconceivable that the PE teacher wouldn't have known what the other students would understand by this.

Please ignore the ASD aspect. that makes it about the child, not the teacher.

And please listen to those of us who have asked teenagers.

Balletgirlmum your ds sounds lovely.

My dd was once called similar by another child in her class. A TA heard the comment and the school came down on it like a ton of bricks. It was classed as homophobic bullying.

I think your been very calm op. If a pe teacher said that to one of my ds's (weather it be the one with autism or the one NT) I would go batshit.
I'm not one for violence but you would have to hold me off that pe teacher. And all the people minimising it the teacher definitely ment gay.

Complain. It's the only way to stamp this homophobic shit out.

I think the ASD aspect is relevant.

There are two issues

1. what he actually said and the use of homophobic language.

2. that he thought this kind of unclear approach was suitable when talking to a child with ASD.

Sometimes it is about the child, and children have difficulties that need to be taken into account.

I'm sorry, but I think it's subjective, and I think the school will see it that way too. That's why I said it was a 'mild insult'. If it had been a definite homophobic slur, then yes, I would complain.

Whether or not it is subjective, using the word 'bent' in that way is commonly understood to be a homophobic insult. Teachers are not in a position where they can use that kind of language to a class and then claim they didn't mean it that way.

Whatever the teacher meant it gives the impression to pupils that being gay can be used as an insult and that therefore being gay is wrong.

Giving the teacher the benefit of the doubt and assuming the he made a genuine mistake, how can he correct it if nobody explains the error?

How can he be correctED

As your son thinks he meant gay and as common sense wd interpret it that way and as the other students wd also hear it that way and as a gym teacher is well aware of how this word is used , I wd not let this pass, not just for the sake of your son, but as the lovely boy himself says , it wd make it harder for a boy who is leaning that way

Spot on IMHO merrymouse

Round these parts (east London, Essex border) it would mean crooked, as in "bent copper" but I've heard it used as an old fashioned term for gay and would assume that was the implication in that context. What a knob that teacher sounds.

I especially meant about the two issues thing (X post with other comments)

Where we live bent means gay. I would want an explanation from the teacher.

No offence (to PE teachers), but in my dc's school anyway, the male PE teachers have form for being quite juvenile, sarcastic, antediluvian in outlook, biased towards those in the 'A' rugby team, and generally unpleasant!

I think it was probably just 'banter', and the teacher thought he would have a bit of fun with a 'clever' comeback at your ds's expense. A good one liner. I doubt he gave much thought to what he was actually saying, he just picked up on the 'bent' from your son and ran with it on the spur of the moment. Someone who is always looking for an opportunity to put people down just won't be able to resist being fed a line. No excuse at all though, for upsetting your son.

Really, really doubt he meant gay. Would imagine he meant 'not doing the thing you're supposed to be doing' just using the word that your son had used. Please don't take it personally. Teachers really do not have the time, will or inclination to be personal, particularly at this time of year when they are, quite frankly, knackered and on their knees. I'd let it go this time and if other stuff were said, then maybe express a concern, but I'd just leave it for now.

In the area I'm from a quite common response to a kid whining or giving excuses is a variation on the phrase "the only x thing is you" or "only to you". For example a kid complaining something is boring will get "the only boring thing here is you lad. Get on with it. ". It's lighthearted and puts a stop to the moaning.

I'm not saying that this is what has happened here but I can picture that phrase being said when your son turns around to give an excuse (from the teacher's perspective) without it being thought through or meaning anything by it.

I would bring it up with the school but more in a "DS doesn't understand some nuancies of language and social interaction. He was upset about this. Please use clear language.

But bent means gay.

It does. And it does where the pp is from. So why would people doubt it meant that?

You wouldn't say 'it's nice', 'huh, the only NICE thing around here is you.'

It was an insult.

I'm 36 now but when I was 12/13yrs (north east England) I can remember the word 'bent' being used by other kids and adults.

100% it was meant to mean the person they were saying it to was gay.

Sometimes it wasn't meant as an insult, some kids just didn't like to say gay so said bent instead, but just ment the person was gay.

However most of the time it was meant as an insult, "He's bent he is" or "He's a right bender".

I have heard used to mean dishonest, but more to describe a dishonest police officer rather than a criminal. "He's a bent copper", but is used for both.

The fact you have said you son is very small and slight, prefers hanging around with girls and likes drama and music, means I am 100% certain the teacher was calling your son gay.