Is there a non homophobic definition of the word bent that me & Ds may be unaware of before I complain to school?

[Balletgirlmum]

Not very happy. Having various problems at school. Ds displays clear traits of asd but not being given reasonable adjustments. Also bullying happening.

Today in PE he was straitening the long jump measuring tape. Teacher asked what hecwas doing.

I'm straitening the tape cause it's bent.

Teacher replied - the only bent thing here is you.

Ds is not gay (he's only 12) but we have several family friends who are & older dd has lots of classmates at another schools who identify as lgbt.

AIBU to think that this isn't on?

"Some of you lot are unreal in your efforts to be liberal and right on"

Really? I though the "overthinking" people are objecting very strongly to those of us who are being "liberal and right on'!

And for it to have been a "slip of the tongue" it must have been the sort of thing that he says on a regular basis.

Sorry, was skim reading and took a comment the wrong way and I apologise.

Though ironically, it does slightly highlight what this is all about. You can misinterpret things people say if you're not fully aware of all the facts and peoples tone.

I would have thought bent as in 'bent out of shape' or annoyed/irritated (something that should straight being crooked would get me 'bent out of shape' until I had straightened it). But I've just asked DD (11) and she said "I think it means gay mum, but a nasty way to say it, like saying queer. I wouldn't like that teacher much"

Bent has been used as a derogatory term for gay as long as I can remember.

And newsflash: 'gay' is still used in a derogatory fashion, yes.

Any damn teacher who used that term at my kids' school would be hauled over the coals immediately. By the out gay kids if by nobody else.

I would bring it up with the school but possibly more in a "remember(/can you remind people) DS takes things quite literally and he wouldn't always 'get' a teachers/pupils banter or jokes" and only use this as an example if they don't immediately understand what you mean

What surprised me is that I thought it was a truth universally acknowledged that bent means 1.A gay man. 2.Bent as in bent copper. and of course 3. Bent over/down or something not straight.

I had no idea that some people have never heard of it being used for 1. a gay man.

I would absolutely complain to the head of school about this by the way.

And whatever you do, don't make it about your ds and his asd. Make it about the teacher and his completely unacceptable language.

Taking my cue from BertrandRussell, I asked my 17 yo dd her opinion. She made the face and said you should definitely complain.

She also said 'That's bullshit!' to the bent = bent over comments.

"Bent as a nine bob note"
The only way l've ever heard it used.
Very quaint now though l'd have thought.
Although l just asked Ds12, and he confirmed it us still in 'use' - so in my opinion, thst teacher knew exactly what he was saying. I'll bet it just slipped out & l imagine he wishes it hadn't.
If the school have any understanding of ASD, they'll know your son didn't imagine it & thst things happened as he described.
Definitely raise it. Good luck with your search for a better learning experience for your son.

Oh, and I'm not trying to be liberal and right-on: I am liberal and right-on. Also old enough to remember when terms like that were acceptable to the majority, used as an insult.

It's funny how "banter" never involves making kind comments.

Bent in that context means gay. It's a reference to gay men bending over to facilitate anal sex. In one of the Jilly Cooper books someone cracks that Luke must have had to bend over to get an expensive present (a car) from a gay man.

This really is serious enough to go to the head straight off....and not open the door for excuses but simply quote what was said and let them investigate and deal.

That's from not just the viewpoint of experience gained both as the parent of an ASD young adult but also as an ex high school TA working with a variety of kids including some with ASD. Had I heard a teacher make a comment worded that way I'd have reported them myself.

It's a PE teacher! He meant gay

I'm a baffled that anyone is trying to interpret it meant beading over.

It should be reported to the Headteacher

Homophobic name calling to a child.

I don't think the teacher meant bent as in gay - I haven't heard that term used for many many years. Having said that, it definitely wasn't intended as a compliment by the sound of it.

Has anyone posted the Pink song yet?

"You're a bender" was often used as an insult (homophobic) when I was in school but that was 35-40 years ago.

I tend to associate 'bent' with being dishonest but can't see how thi would apply to your son and the situation you describe.

Maybe the teacher did mean it as a homophobic insult

Now going on a bender round here means to go on a pub crawl & get very drunk.

I think that's awful. I can't see how it was meant in any other way.

*Ballet girl
*
I'm sorry, but you will be a laughing stock in the staff room if you complain.

Also, shouldn't you teach your son to take it on the chin? I am sorry if he is upset, but complaining won't change that. Take this as a learning curve about how to deal with mild insults?

This isn't a mild insult. It's prejudicial language and has no place in school. It's well known as a homophobic comment and in the context you have described with the ASD meltdowns in PE etc, it would be naive to think it meant anything else. I would complain. I wouldn't give a fuck how much laughing was done in the staff room.