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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was rude?

150 replies

MrsNightOwl · 20/06/2016 19:02

My friend has been there for me through thick and thin, and has helped me through many dark times in my life. Recently her car became a write off - she was upset because she needed it to get to and from work 30 miles away and couldn't afford to buy a new one. As it happens, I've been trying to sell my second car for ages (a cheap banger, but runs amazingly well) so to help her out I told her she could have it for nothing - she graciously accepted.

A week later, and I've just got a text from her asking for the tenner back that she lent me in the supermarket when I didn't have enough to pay for my shopping. I'd totally forgotten about it.

AIBU to be annoyed that she would ask, when I've given her a free car?

OP posts:
marisolgonzales · 21/06/2016 07:22

It is rude. She's clearly a freeloader.

You do realize that as soon as anything goes wrong with this car, or it needs any basic maintenance like new tyres etc she'll be telling you 'your' car has a problem/ needs repair. And probably expecting you to contribute towards it. Not least because if she can't spare £10, she can't pay for anything to be replaced on that car beyond the odd bulb.

As for your car not selling because it was too expensive, haha. Not sure where you live but I'm just outside London, and the only cars for sale round here priced under £500 are non runners and/ or have no MOT. If anything it was probably too cheap!

ApostrophesMatter · 21/06/2016 07:23

I'd pay her back but would certainly re-evaluate the friendship.

Mellowautumn · 21/06/2016 07:26

She's probably skinter as you ironically have her the car and it takes initial funds to get it on the road. It was a kind gesture - putting it on here complete with make of car and other identifiers - possibly not so kind ?Hope you need the £10 more than you need her friendship

flanjabelle · 21/06/2016 07:56

Yanbu, but I would actually talk to her about it. I would say that I didn't think she would be worrying about the 10 as you has given her a 200 pound car for free. However, you understand that to ask for it she must be desperate and will give it to her. I would give her the opportunity to explain herself. Even being given a car will not help a serious cash flow issue.

This must be a good friendship from what you have said, and I think it should be spoken about to stop resentment on either side.

KittensandKnitting · 21/06/2016 08:03

Some of the comments are really harsh towards the friend.

In the very first post the friend is described as having been amazing to the OP, been there through thick and thin etc etc for the OP, not everything in a friendship is based on financial gain Hmm

The friend was catching the bus and the OP was giving her lift which she didn't really want to do anymore so gave her a car which she couldn't sell for £200 that had been sitting around for months, so that she didn't have to give her lifts anymore. The OP gave her the car and then if I get timescales right after this the OP borrowed the money.

Nobody knows the other ladies circumstances, it seems bitchy to mention the dominos box and all the details surrounding the car to the point of marks on the car, if you give something you give it without condition, otherwise you are not giving it.

Should this friend feel so grateful and beholdent that every time the OP asks for something she gives it to her? Because that one time she gave her a car? When would that stop once the £200 threshold had been reached?

If the OP had borrowed the money before she could have sold it for £10

If your going to give something you do so fully willingly and not with wanting something in return.

Original poster
MrsNightOwl · 21/06/2016 08:54

She lent me the money as I'd not taken enough out of the cashpoint ad left my card at home. And that happened just before I gave her the car. I've given her the money back this morning and I'm going to try and forget about it.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 21/06/2016 09:43

Mrs, I'm sure your friend will repay you. Maybe not in cash, but by continuing to be a good mate.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/06/2016 09:43

You know your friend is skint OP. I can't imagine why you posted this thread given that she's a good friend and you know that she has no money. I can only think you were hoping for lots of validating comments of how lovely a friend you are.

NarkyKnockers · 21/06/2016 12:19

To be fair it's pretty nice to give someone a car and pretty cheeky to ask someone for a tenner back without even an acknowledgement that they've already helped you a lot financially. Maybe she's embarrassed but I think it's more embarrassing not to mention the fact that she's grateful for the financial help she's already had. Some people, despite being nice in other ways, can be chances when it comes to money. I have been a bit Hmm in the past when I've borrowed friends money cos they were 'on their arse' and I then get told about expensive shopping trips/beauty treatments/concert tickets etc they've bought.

dizzyfucker · 21/06/2016 12:39

How can you forget that someone paid for your shopping? I'm a stickler for paying people back. Unfortunatly if you'd remembered you could have said, I owe you a tenner so have the car for a tenner.

Unfortunatly you cannot do that now, you also cannot give someone a car for free and then ask them to pay you the tenner. You also look very petty if you ask for the car back over a tenner. I would just pay your friend back and say you are a little upset because you have just given her a car and thought she might let it go. But a debt is a debt, she might be really desperate for money.

NeedACleverNN · 21/06/2016 12:41

How can you forget that someone paid for your shopping?

Easy if you don't worry about money. I know where every penny goes in this household because we live to a tight budget. If I didn't need to worry about money, it would be easy to forget that I owed someone money

Abraiid1 · 21/06/2016 13:00

Narky, you've borrowed money from friends who have then gone shopping? Why would that worry you? Do you mean you lent them money?

NarkyKnockers · 21/06/2016 13:08

Yes I meant lent. And they are nice people but some people ARE cheeky when it comes to money. I've had it happen pretty recently where a friend who owes me money was blatantly filling me in on what they're buying (all expensive and treat items) now they've finally been paid and how most of their wages are gone already. I'm sure I'll get the money back eventually but I won't be lending again at the end of the month when their cash runs out.

mygorgeousmilo · 21/06/2016 13:50

YABU the car was a sort of "thank you" for her kindness during dark times. The tenner, as you've said she's skint, may be the difference between food and petrol this week. I wouldn't ask anyone for a tenner back, I'd probably let my pride get the better of me even if I was living off of pot noodles, but really that was a loan so she has every right to ask for it back.

dizzyfucker · 21/06/2016 14:09

NeedACleverNN I think everyone has at some point in their lives lived on a tight budget and can understand why this friend is asking for her money back. I have friend's that are on very tight budgets and I would pay them back that day or the next because I have been in their shoes. It is an extra life stress they don't need. I have been lent money by a millionaire and tried to pay him back, of course he refused. Regardless of the circumstances of the other person, paying back what you owe is the decent thing to do. People making excuses about why they cannot, should not or just forgetting is not nice.

jessica132 · 21/06/2016 14:18

YADNBU! For the love of God, this is a really rude action. You literally gift her a car, and she's like 'bicth, gimmie back my tenner'. Ugh, this is awful.

molyholy · 21/06/2016 14:22

I'm sure she is skint, but as a PP said, she could have worded it better, maybe acknowledging the car i.e. 'I feel so cheeky asking this after you gave me your car, but I am on the bones of my arse. Any chance I could have the tenner back I gave you in the supermarket please. I wouldn't ask but I need it for xyz'

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/06/2016 15:44

Blimey, would some of you really do this to friends you KNEW were skint? Judge them for having to ask for the £10 back? Shame on you. If it were my friend in this position, I wouldn't have dreamt of doing a tit-for-tat arrangement, how crass that sounds.

OP did a nice thing but it sounds as if she's regretting it hence conflating the gift with the £10 she owed.

NarkyKnockers · 21/06/2016 17:08

No I'd judge the WAY they asked with no recognition that you'd helped them out a lot financially which, regardless of the age of the car, would amount to a fair bit more than a tenner. Would you accept a car off a friend then chase them for a tenner without so much as a 'I'm sorry to have to ask when you've just given me a car'. The op has given her the tenner but I think she's well within her rights to be a bit disgruntled about how the friend has gone about asking her.

VodkaValiumLattePlease · 21/06/2016 17:25

Surely it's rude to borrow money then not repay it? 😟

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/06/2016 17:25

That's the way you see it, Narky, I see it that the friend is highly embarrassed at having to ask for it. If you read the OP's first post you can see how highly the friendship is rated. Given that, there must be some serious situation for the £10 to be so desperately needed and having to ask for it - instead of it just being repaid - must have been excruciating.

OP has now paid it back so that issue is moot. Perhaps OP's friend will not be able to afford to run the car indefinitely anyway.

NarkyKnockers · 21/06/2016 17:36

Nah if you were embarrassed you wouldn't just outright ask you'd explain that you were desperate. But yeah she's got the money so it doesn't really matter.

KittyLaRoux · 21/06/2016 17:43

Meh uts £10 just pay her.

In truth you borrowed the £10 before you even gave her the car and you failed to repay that debt. So yours is the first debt. The car is seperate plus you GAVE her the car she didnt ask for it. You asked to borrow ten pounds rherefore the agreement you made was to pay it back.

Are you just going to continue borrowing money from her and not pay her back until ut reaches £200 so then your gift is no longer a gift Hmm

TriniRedVelvet · 21/06/2016 17:48

If I were friend I wouldn't have asked for it back but I can understand why she did. On the other hand if I owed someone £10 I wouldn’t expect them to forgive the loan even if I had gifted a car. Nor would I be cross if they asked for repayment. One was a loan, the other a gift. People approach things differently. No need to feel miffed at all.

nanetterose · 21/06/2016 17:57

Oh my god.
Of course you are not being unreasonable - l can't believe the amount of posters bending themselves in pieces to find excuses for the 'friend'
What a selfish, greedy chancer.